To call out casual sexism in a work meeting even if it was 'just a joke'.

[AltCarbon]

First time on Aibu but this seriously annoyed me today and I was baffled by everyone else's reactions.

I am head of department in a secondary school and it was our leadership meeting this evening. There is one (male) member of staff that blatantly never listens or contributes (sat on his laptop etc) and then asks the same question we have literally just spent the last 15 or so minutes discussing. Everyone complains about it afterwards as it is infuriating and drags the meeting on every time as we then go over it all again for his benefit. So today I, politely as I could, said "we've just discussed this, you weren't listening, what are you unsure of?". He then turned to the colleagues next to him (the other men in the room) and loudly said "I never listen to women I just tune it out" and they all laughed.

I was horrified and so replied that I thought his comment was a totally appalling thing to say in a professional meeting and that I was genuinely offended that he thought casual sexism was acceptable. He went quiet and we then moved on but from the looks on everyone's faces (including the women) it seemed they would have all just accepted it and would never question it at all.

I know he would have been uncomfortable that I pointed out his inattention but I just think his response needed challenging as I hate how we are constantly surrounded by these small, seemingly acceptable ways of disparaging women.

So, was I being unreasonable?

I'm glad you spoke up, OP. I wish more people would.

Good job! I would have done the same.

You are brilliant.
He was being a knob.

If more people challenged these fuckers we might hear less of this sexist shit. He was very unprofessional and sounds like a dick. Well done op.

Good for you! Hopefully he will think twice about being a sexist twit, and others will feel braver about calling such behaviour out.

Well done you.
I would have added "and I am sick of these meetings taking twice as long because you think you are far to important to listen to what's going on just because we are women. I think its time you put your laptop down and stopped acting like a teenager"

Why on earth has nobody pulled him up in this before?

Thanks everyone. I was worried that on my first AIBU I was going to get slaughtered by people telling me to lighten up as it is something I care deeply about and do take very seriously. It's awesome that there are so many people out there who feel the same and would challenge it too.

That is terrible. I'd let him off if he was saying it to his mates in a pub while talking about their wives but it is completely inappropriate at all. Men or women shouldn't come into it.

YANBU. Well done !!

Well done - another person right here saying you did absolutely the right thing, and I am in awe of how calmly and professionally you handled it.

Yanbu! You are brave and I wish I could stand up to people like you did. The looks from other colleagues were probably just because they were shocked and felt a bit awkward about the tension in the room.

What a twat and grossly unprofessional, especially for a teacher. Does he "tune out " the girls in his class too?

Well done you.

Well done you. That is exactly the kind of shit that winds me up too and I'd have probably reacted in the same way, although probably not as eloquently or professionally.

Get an item on the next agenda which bans personal laptops and phones from the meetings, in the interests of focus and speed.

Yanbu! Well done OP.
I agree with PP's that suggest laptops/phone off for future meetings.

Well done op, you

I pulled up a male in a group consultation session this week for referring to the females in the group as 'girls', despite the 2 facilitators being female, decided I've had enough of it too!

YANBU and well done. Please let us know how the next meeting goes, I bet he pays attention and keeps his mouth shut!

You're brilliant! Well done you.

I think we all need to challenge this kind of shit whenever we can.

I would be amazed if he hasn't made a similar "funny" sexist comment in the classroom. I'd bet money on it.

While it's still fresh in your mind, make an accurate as possible record of what was said by all concerned.

Speak to your Union about further action.

Also Horrified to think that someone with these attitudes is teaching! I mean of course since these attitudes are pervasive in society some male teachers will have them but... ARGH! How hard is it going to be to break the cycle??

You're a legend

What feelock said. Such a comment could get him in trouble with HR in my private sector firm. Not forgetting that the head and deputy head are women - how does he do his job if he tunes them out. Cannot believe what an idiotic thing to say.

That 'joke' would be a serious matter in my work OP. Good for you.

Men like that tho hate to be called on it tho, so expect him to have a serious issue now.

well for you! What a total fucking rude arsewipe.

Giving you a virtual medal!