To call out casual sexism in a work meeting even if it was 'just a joke'.

[AltCarbon]

First time on Aibu but this seriously annoyed me today and I was baffled by everyone else's reactions.

I am head of department in a secondary school and it was our leadership meeting this evening. There is one (male) member of staff that blatantly never listens or contributes (sat on his laptop etc) and then asks the same question we have literally just spent the last 15 or so minutes discussing. Everyone complains about it afterwards as it is infuriating and drags the meeting on every time as we then go over it all again for his benefit. So today I, politely as I could, said "we've just discussed this, you weren't listening, what are you unsure of?". He then turned to the colleagues next to him (the other men in the room) and loudly said "I never listen to women I just tune it out" and they all laughed.

I was horrified and so replied that I thought his comment was a totally appalling thing to say in a professional meeting and that I was genuinely offended that he thought casual sexism was acceptable. He went quiet and we then moved on but from the looks on everyone's faces (including the women) it seemed they would have all just accepted it and would never question it at all.

I know he would have been uncomfortable that I pointed out his inattention but I just think his response needed challenging as I hate how we are constantly surrounded by these small, seemingly acceptable ways of disparaging women.

So, was I being unreasonable?

I cannot believe that he or anybody in that meeting thought what he said was acceptable.

Especially as teachers in charge of the development of young minds.

Well done you.

Do you work at an All Boys school or is he of the belief that it's acceptable to 'tune out' 50% of his cohort?

It wasn't a joke! He was trying to undermine and disrespect you.

Well done you for saying something to the fool.

YANBU - hope the misogynist fuckwit isn't so disrespectful again (though I wouldn't get your hopes up) - but well done you!

Totally reasonable response. He should have been embarrassed to even consider saying that. Unbelievably unprofessional of him.

YANBU

YANBU
Well done OP. We have to challenge these horrible views. He owes you and the other women in the room a grovelling apology.

YANBU. He needs to be put in his place. He sounds extremely unprofessional. You would hope that his line manager would be questioning his commitment. I bet he's quite happy to take his salary tho'

SayNoToCarrots: He likes to be 'funny' and it seems to go down well with quite a few people but hopefully I misread the rest of the room and they were secretly happy. And thankfully I've never seen anything like that in the classroom.

Well done but you must now take him to one side out of the meeting and tell him. It isn't on. Good luck

You should have said "just a joke? Excellent, we'll assume you were in fact listening then" and move on to the next point.

No, that was a really shit joke.

Substitute "woman" for any other group and what he said would not be ok

This.

How would it go down if someone said 'oh, I never listen to black people, I just tune it out?'

Well done you, what a fucking idiot. That sort of comment hasn't been acceptable for years, where has he been?

It's a joke--the oldest excuse there is. Nothing funny about it. Good for you OP in calling him out.

Good for you 👍👍👍😀

Not U at all and well done for calling him out on it.

Hopefully, everyone's faces were like that as it made them realise he should've been pulled up on his attitude sooner.

You awesome for calling him out on the listening thing and you are an absolute hero for clawing him out on his sexist rubbish.

You re in fact my hero for today. I would be seething and raging inside but probably not get the words out in time and seeing as my entire management is make apart from me, I'd probably then get called out for 'whining'. I sometimes look around me and can't believe in 2017 how much harder it still is in the workplace for women and how many women around me just don't see it/believe it/dare acknowledge it.

You are a HERO.

You did exactly the right thing.

In my industry I come across this type of behaviour less often these days but still I find that other women present are often the most horrified at me calling out the sexism (usually with a piss-take about the ludicrous dinosaur nonsense).

I quiz the women gently days later, when appropriate, often after a drink or two. It fascinates me.

It seems they are embarrassed that they could have done exactly the same a long time ago but didn't. They say that at the time they found it awful for there to be "an atmosphere" like that's the worst thing in the world ever. Several admitted that they had sympathised with the man afterwards but then felt embarrassed about that like they were being two-faced because they had long believed he was a twat.

It seems they were socialised to do anything, even the wrong thing, to stop a man from feeling a bit upset for a while, even when the man should feel upset and should reconsider his behaviour.

I have also found that they always start copying my types of responses as if they somehow have permission to call him out now.

This shouldn't be a surprise to me as my work these days often involves mentoring and modelling appropriate behaviours.

You've done well to break the appeasement / submission model and replace it with a confident healthy equal person model.

Do let us know if the horrified ones start behaving more normally now.

Nasty little prick!

YADNBU. Well done.

YANBU. I hate this shit. Well done for acting immediately and calling him out, he should be mortified. Hopefully it has rattled him enough to think twice in future. As for the cackling idiots, they should be ashamed for colluding with him. As a previous poster said, if he had targeted any other group it'd be taken very seriously

Well done!!!

Well done!!!

OP, you're amazing. Bloody amazing

Well done you