To call out casual sexism in a work meeting even if it was 'just a joke'.

[AltCarbon]

First time on Aibu but this seriously annoyed me today and I was baffled by everyone else's reactions.

I am head of department in a secondary school and it was our leadership meeting this evening. There is one (male) member of staff that blatantly never listens or contributes (sat on his laptop etc) and then asks the same question we have literally just spent the last 15 or so minutes discussing. Everyone complains about it afterwards as it is infuriating and drags the meeting on every time as we then go over it all again for his benefit. So today I, politely as I could, said "we've just discussed this, you weren't listening, what are you unsure of?". He then turned to the colleagues next to him (the other men in the room) and loudly said "I never listen to women I just tune it out" and they all laughed.

I was horrified and so replied that I thought his comment was a totally appalling thing to say in a professional meeting and that I was genuinely offended that he thought casual sexism was acceptable. He went quiet and we then moved on but from the looks on everyone's faces (including the women) it seemed they would have all just accepted it and would never question it at all.

I know he would have been uncomfortable that I pointed out his inattention but I just think his response needed challenging as I hate how we are constantly surrounded by these small, seemingly acceptable ways of disparaging women.

So, was I being unreasonable?

depends what type of environment you want to work in .I'm male and work with a few women who will say on a regular basis that me or useless . men can't multi task , if there a delivery you can move because you are a man even though all paid the same and do the same job . have worked at other place where all pc and EVERYTHING was jumped on and you were afraid to make a casual comment incase you were pulled up for it no one would tell a joke for fear of offending someone

Yay! Go you 🙂

Well done!

We need more people to stand up against casual sexism.

He made his 'joke' because you were bang on about him slacking in the meeting and he knew it. He hoped his so-called humour would take the heat off, but you didn't let it happen - rightly so.

People looked uncomfortable because most people would rather avoid a scene than say something. But that's how the likes of him get away with it. Good for you!

Well don't tell sexist, racist, ageist, or disablist jokes and you're good to go.

And EVERYTHING couldn't have been jumped on. Commenting on the weather isn't offensive. So, we can surmise that this EVERYTHING was actually offensive tripe.

I wouldn't want him teaching my daughter.

I pulled up a colleague for saying "hello girls" to me and a group of colleagues once. I'm a grown 43 year old btw so nowhere near being a girl. I asked him to try going for a more straightforward 'Hi" next time. He got embarrassed and asked another woman there if she minded being called a girl, to which she simpered and said 'no' (insert twirly laugh here). I wasn't sure which one of them to be more mad at.

Can't tell you how sick I am of people thinking they can say any disgusting, unprofessional, offensive thing they like..so long as it's "a joke !" And if you take offense you're "over sensitive..it's a joke, not a dick, don't take it so hard" old trick that's getting quite old now.
Good for you

congratulations. You deserve a and for that. What exceptional piggishness.

Does it matter what the other people in the room thought? Poor behaviour should be challenged, particularly within a professional context. Are you his line manager and/or senior? It sounds as if your response was quite proportionate.

I suspect his comment was provoked by embarrassment at being told off but that's not an excuse - it still needed challenging.

I also suspect the discomfort you felt from others in the room was because it's never nice to watch another person (nevermind a colleague you know well) being publicly rinsed. He got caught out twice in quick succession and would have known he couldn't "win" this one.

Watch your back for the next little while, though; you won't have made an ally of that particular colleague.

YANBU

You are bloody fantastic.

YANBU, OP. Well done. You're awesome!

As another PP said, I'd watch your back though.

As someone who made the largest contribution to a recent meeting at work, but whose contribution is abssent from the minutes, this makes a lot of sense. I was the only woman there. I guess the minute-taker tuned me out too.

I cannot confront anything so I would have sat silently and seethed so bloody well done you and I would have made a point of telling you after how right you were to pull him up on this.

My family are horribly sexist and the older I get, the more I see it. I hate it.

Well done OP!

Well done!

Outrageous!!YWNBU!

Well done you for not clocking him one, smug git.

I enjoy many a good bad taste un-pc joke, I usually think MNers are a bunch of uptight humourless stuffed shirts.. and even I think OP wasn't being U. Glad you said something.

Maybe other people at mtg were thinking they didn't want to deal with fallout, is all.

Unacceptable What a knob jockey saying that. It was VERY sexist, and was not just 'bantz!'

Good for you for calling him out.

Yanbu what a cheeky twat. I seriously hope he doesn't teach my dcs

The women might have been shocked by you calling him on it, but I'm sure when they considered it afterwards they'd have approved. If they didn't they're dickheads.

I'm horrified he thought that was appropriate in a professional environment.

Can they really have been more horrified at what you said than at what he said originally.

Well done! You're definitely not being unreasonable. Kind of worrying that someone with that attitude is teaching kids.

Your organisation should have equality policies to prevent this kind of culture becoming established. If it is endemic then you should raise it through the appropriate channels (HR if necessary, or pastoral care), to look at how to raise awareness. This is likely to be a programme which will take months.

This is basic stuff and mandatory in nearly all organisations nowadays, certainly state schools/government departments. People are entitled to go to work and be respected, and not feel humiliated or belittled.

Well done you for calling it out. All kinds of prejudice needs to be called out (particularly including the 'all men are useless and can't multi-task' comment above!).

BTW, don't expect any real plaudits for this! Rocking the boat is difficult! But it has to be done and there should be a change facilitator available, either in the school or in the local authority who can help on this.

You thought on your feet. This is the kind of thing I would wish I had said after pondering it later! Well done you!

Why was he sitting on his laptop?