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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He wouldn't let me eat because "I'm on a diet?"

202 replies

FluffySlippers21 · 14/09/2017 18:23

Hello!
AIBU?? Or am I completly in the right to feel so hurt 🙁
I'm 5'10 a dress size 12/14 with a healthy bmi but am currently following slimming world to lose my last 7lbs of baby weight.
Today I was out shopping with DP when I mentioned I was starving, he also said he was hungry and that he was going to nip in Burger King. When we got to the till I asked if he could order me such a thing and he replied "no you're on a diet" at first i thought he was joking but it became apparent he wasn't.
He basically expected me (knowing I was hungry) to sit there and watch him eat. I just find this so bloody cruel and nasty.
He even had the flaming liberty to sit down and offer me a CHIP after telling me I couldn't order anything.
I wouldn't mind if there was a health concern surrounding my weight but I'm a healthy weight!!
I am so upset and am currently sulking upstairs 🙁

OP posts:
Allthebestnamesareused · 14/09/2017 18:50

Actually I think it may depend on how you have been dieting.

Personally sometimes I would think I want that and my husband would talk me out of it and I'd be grateful later that he didn't let me eat the treat!

If he had ordered what you wanted is it possible that you'd have spent the rest of the day beating yourself up, moaning why did you let me do that etc?

Try to look at it as him supporting your decision to lose that last bit of weight rather than a criticism.

So many people on weight plans have partners who aren't supportive and try to "feed" them.

Clandestino · 14/09/2017 18:52

Still DP and not exDP? How come? How can you let anyone treat you like that? Shows no respect to you.

Boulshired · 14/09/2017 18:53

Even on a diet you can keep within Calories at Burger King. He must be confident that he can treat you this way and you would not make a scene. He was being a dick but you need to be stronger, why would you have to take the baby.

squishysquirmy · 14/09/2017 18:55

What a prick!

I completely get the not having money on you thing as well - I don't think its stupid at all. Occasionally when me and dh are out together, I don't bother taking my purse. Difference is, he would never, ever refuse to buy me food! Especially when he is ordering for himself!

I also understand that sometimes how we act in the moment (especially when shocked by appalling behaviour) is not always the way we wished we acted with hindsight. So I think all the comments about backbones etc are a bit out of order.

You do need to think about how you react to this going forward - it is not something you should just forget about to avoid rocking the boat. Has he ever been controlling like this before? Has he ever made you feel bad about the way you look?

You have every right to be upset.
Flowers

RonSwansonsMoustache · 14/09/2017 18:56

I'd have taken his food. What a controlling fuck.

chibsortig · 14/09/2017 18:56

He refused to order you food but ordered and ate his paid for with joint money? Regardless of whether you are dieting or no if your partner asks for food when you are ordering you dont refuse them that is nasty.

MooPointCowsOpinion · 14/09/2017 18:57

I'd have waited until he had his tray then knocked it out of his hands I think.

I'm on a diet, so is my husband, and he is the most supportive champion of my weight loss. He'd never do that!

Is this one of many things he does to embarrass and demean you, or was it just a completely out of the blue shit attempt at being funny or supportive of your diet. Only you will know.

Think about if he controls the money, your time, does he stop you seeing family and friends, is there an atmosphere if you don't do what he wants... keep your eyes open for other shorty behaviour, you may now be realising he is an arsehole, or maybe he just fucked up this one time.

LakieLady · 14/09/2017 18:58

Bloody hell, I get so ratty when I'm hungry I'd probably bite a lump out of anyone who did that to me. What a complete arse he is.

How controlling. It's a bit disturbing tbh.

pitterpatterrain · 14/09/2017 19:00

"Uh no, actually I'll have X, Y and Z thanks" to the server as they are taking the order would have worked

What made it hard to overrule him saying no food?

ArcheryAnnie · 14/09/2017 19:00

Eat what you like, when you like, and fuck 'im. Don't ever get to the point where you are afraid to lift a fork to your mouth for fear of some "helpful" comment from him. Nip this in the bud NOW, or run.

TheFirstMrsDV · 14/09/2017 19:02

Have you asked him to not let you give in and buy junk?
Have you told him to help you keep on the diet?
Do you go on about your diet a lot?
Do you cry when you weigh yourself?

If no is the answer to all of the above your OH is a dick. If the answer is yes to any of the above he may just be sick of hearing about your arse or how much you weigh or how you hate yourself etc etc etc.

DiegoMadonna · 14/09/2017 19:02

You have a baby with this man? Oh dear. I'm sorry :(

WishfulThanking · 14/09/2017 19:02

YAbu to come here rather than talk to your partner about what happened

bloodyorange · 14/09/2017 19:04

Don't fancy being your dentist 20 mins after a Burger King!

Bobbins43 · 14/09/2017 19:04

What a fucking dick.

TroelsLovesSquinkies · 14/09/2017 19:05

You should have got the car keys and said you were going to the car. Then drove home and left his sorry ass there.
What a dick.
Please don't let him treat you like shit.

Sugarformyhoney · 14/09/2017 19:05

Burgercunt more like.
I'd have shoved his whopper up his arse with extra chilli bites mate

BeyondNoone · 14/09/2017 19:05

If you are a healthy bmi, is it really yourself you are losing weight for?

peachybeachy · 14/09/2017 19:06

Well he's not a nice man is he?

TrailingWife · 14/09/2017 19:06

What the hell! Even if you were obese he was out of line.

Supporting someone while they try to lose weight is very tricky. Have a heart to heart with him about what you find helpful, what you don't find helpful, and what a complete and total arse he was. He needs to understand that he was a complete arse and that he needs to never repeat that particular mistake again.

If this is a one off and he is just a complete idiot, explain it to him.

If this is just one of the ways that he tries to control you and destroy your sense of self, make an exit plan.

I don't see a middle ground. Either he's an idiot or an arse.

ProfessorCat · 14/09/2017 19:07

Wait, I don't understand. So your purse was in the car? Yet you have joint money and he was paying for his own food. Have I missed the point? He was paying for his own food with your joint money yet you still didn't insist on your own food?

That's your own fault then isn't it? Firstly for letting him dictate to you and secondly for not putting your foot down and placing your order. I can't quite believe people live like this.

Ta1kinPeece · 14/09/2017 19:10

If you are trying to lose weight and eat healthily, why on EARTH did he consider Burger King to be an appropriate place to get lunch?

Out of interest, is he lean and fit, or should he not have eaten there either?

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 14/09/2017 19:11

Actually I think it may depend on how you have been dieting

allthebest really? You think it is acceptable? Low bar hey.

LTB is my advice. No decent man would do this.

expatinscotland · 14/09/2017 19:12

What MrsDV said, but then, I don't get diets at all, have never owned a scale except a kitchen one and don't really give a fuck about justifying my height and weight and dress size to anyone.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/09/2017 19:13

allthebest then he should have found a place that they both can eat at, op still needs to eat doesen't she! He expected her to watch him eat, what a prick.