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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I lazy?

129 replies

thegreenlight · 14/09/2017 09:39

Feeling a bit upset. I am currently off on maternity with a 2 week old EBF baby. DS 1 started reception this week and just coming to terms with school run. I literally drop off at school, home, then breastfeed in 3 hour stretches! Husband was grumpy with my this morning and when he finally told me why he said it is because I am inconsiderate because I didn't empty the tumble dryer and do the washing yesterday. He told me that he is doing more now he is off and he's not happy with it. He also called me lazy when I said I would start doing the shop online instead of going to aldi (I have done a food shop in person but left baby with my mum). I have a home cooked dinner on the table for him every night when he walks in and I do all the getting ready for school etc. He basically was annoyed as I went out yesterday to buy some new breast feeding friendly clothes (and jeans as had split my maternity ones Blush) and then had work colleagues over after school to see baby (their request and I did have to tidy the house for them). Feeling really blue now and he's not answering my messages either.

OP posts:
PsychoPumpkin · 14/09/2017 09:41

Your baby is two weeks old, he can do his own washing!

In other words, no you are not lazy!

zzzzz · 14/09/2017 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinkyredrose · 14/09/2017 09:44

He's an arseholes. Why don't you write down all you do in a day so he can see how much you do?

Original poster
thegreenlight · 14/09/2017 09:44

This is my first BF baby as I didn't even start with DS1 due to traumatic birth and PND. Things are going ok but I didn't realise how intense it is! I'm sticking at it through mastitis and lumpy nipples but I find it hard to do anything else in the day due to relentless cluster feeding (though it's easier when I go out as pram/ car makes him sleep and gives me a break of an hour or so!

OP posts:
OuchBollocks · 14/09/2017 09:44

There really are some appalling men out there aren't there :(

2littlemoos · 14/09/2017 09:45

It is very early days and you need to adjust to having a newborn as well as taking DS to school. I would not be angry at you going clothes shopping, even if it was for non-nursing clothing! Nor would I be upset at you having friends over.

Sounds like you both just need to adjust. Go easy on yourself Flowers

Original poster
thegreenlight · 14/09/2017 09:48

He's usually so good, washing has always been his job in the house so I'm not really in the routine of it - probably guilty of not doing it as have never really had to. He's started asking for home made cakes for his work briefings too. He has this ideal of me being a perfect SAHM which I will try to be but I'm just feeding ALL THE TIME!

OP posts:
MrSMokEyNuTsS · 14/09/2017 09:50

Washing and cleaning can wait your babies are more important and if it bothers him so much then tell him to do it. Don't let his nonsense upset you, your being the better mum by dealing to your kids needs rather than his every need, his a grown man he can look after himself.

Original poster
thegreenlight · 14/09/2017 09:50

I was in hospital for a week with DS1 and was home same day with DS2 (yay!) so I don't think he realises how early days it is. He had me out the day after the birth in town and insists on dragging me out and giving me errands to run. He was totally different with first baby.

OP posts:
EddChinasVagina · 14/09/2017 09:50

Tell him to do one, selfish prick. He should be making you cake.

MrSMokEyNuTsS · 14/09/2017 09:53

You need to seriously talk to him and tell him how hard it actually is so soon after giving birth.

Original poster
thegreenlight · 14/09/2017 09:55

It wasn't even that he wanted me to remember to do the washing, it's the way he said it like I was a massive disappointment and was taking the piss when he was working. If only I could jaunt out the door for an hour commute when it gets stressful in the morning. I've always worked full time and had to do all pick ups and drop offs and will have to do so when I go back.

OP posts:
isthismummy · 14/09/2017 09:57

He wants you to make him home made cake?Shock

Do you think he's being deliberately provocative OP? Because that is not a normal request to make of your partner at a normal time, never mind with a brand new baby!

Original poster
thegreenlight · 14/09/2017 10:00

I used to bake before I had DS1. Then I became a full time working mum and didn't have time any more. Now I obviously have all the time in the world Hmm.

OP posts:
Slimthistime · 14/09/2017 10:02

OP "He's started asking for home made cakes for his work briefings too"

say what?!

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 14/09/2017 10:03

Bugger that. Being a new mum is hard. Add a reception child on top and it's harder. Has he suddenly lost the use of his arms? it will get easier and with time you'll be able to do the laundry etc but it takes getting used to being a mum of 2

RonSwansonsMoustache · 14/09/2017 10:05

Tell him to make his own cake! Lazy git.

Original poster
thegreenlight · 14/09/2017 10:05

I said that to him, that it's early days and that's when he threw going clothes shopping in my face as if I could do that I could do the washing.

OP posts:
user1499786242 · 14/09/2017 10:07

Speechless Confused

bookwormsforever · 14/09/2017 10:10

He's started asking for home made cakes for his work briefings too.

Shock

Does having a penis mean he can't bake? He sounds like a right cock. Is he being PA about something? He should be running around getting YOU cake, not asking you to make cake.

isthismummy · 14/09/2017 10:10

This might be one of the worst threads I've read on here for a while op.

Are you not allowed to go for clothes? Would he prefer the mother of his children to be dressed in ruined, uncomfortable garments?

He is being an absolute prick and needs telling in no uncertain terms. Do not put up with his bullying, because that is what his current treatment of you amounts to.

Ttbb · 14/09/2017 10:11

So you have just had a baby, you are in charge of the majority of domestic duties (shopping, cooking etc), you are doing the school run and you are the lazy one when he doesn't even want to move clothing from the dryer to a washing basket?!

Original poster
thegreenlight · 14/09/2017 10:13

He acted like he was ok about me going shopping until he bought it up as a reason that I should be able to do jobs. I just feel embarrassed. He's really good at making me feel like I don't do enough, before baby too.

OP posts:
DeleteOrDecay · 14/09/2017 10:13

Umm wow. Your baby is TWO WEEKS old, you're still recovering from the birth, hormones are probably all over the place, you're breastfeeding at all hours. Being the 'perfect' sahm does not involve being someone else's skivvy and keeping on top of everything. If he wants cakes he can fucking make them himself or buy some from a shop.

Honestly fuming for you op, he's treating you appallingly.

Needalifeoverhaul · 14/09/2017 10:14

There are no words to sum up what a complete and utter prick he is!!! God only knows how you manage the school run with a bf 2 week old baby let alone anything else! I don't think I even managed to get dressed for the first two weeks when my ds was born! My ds is now 5 months and I still struggle to get anything done in between feeds, playing, nappy changes, crying etc. And I also so all my shopping online! In my eyes op, your doing bloody brilliantly Star