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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I lazy?

129 replies

thegreenlight · 14/09/2017 09:39

Feeling a bit upset. I am currently off on maternity with a 2 week old EBF baby. DS 1 started reception this week and just coming to terms with school run. I literally drop off at school, home, then breastfeed in 3 hour stretches! Husband was grumpy with my this morning and when he finally told me why he said it is because I am inconsiderate because I didn't empty the tumble dryer and do the washing yesterday. He told me that he is doing more now he is off and he's not happy with it. He also called me lazy when I said I would start doing the shop online instead of going to aldi (I have done a food shop in person but left baby with my mum). I have a home cooked dinner on the table for him every night when he walks in and I do all the getting ready for school etc. He basically was annoyed as I went out yesterday to buy some new breast feeding friendly clothes (and jeans as had split my maternity ones Blush) and then had work colleagues over after school to see baby (their request and I did have to tidy the house for them). Feeling really blue now and he's not answering my messages either.

OP posts:
QueenofallIsee · 14/09/2017 10:14

Whaaaaaaat? Home made cakes? Lazy because he has to do more while your baby is tiny? Wow your husband is a complete bellend, I am so sorry for you OP. I can't imagine have 2 small children, one only 2 weeks old, and to have to deal with misogynistic shit in my own home

isthismummy · 14/09/2017 10:15

So this isn't a new pattern of behaviour thenSad

In what ways did he make you feel you weren't doing enough before op? This issue sounds a lot deeper rooted than him being miffed about you going shopping!

DeleteOrDecay · 14/09/2017 10:16

Also it's in the name: stay at home MUM, not stay at home housemaid.

Tell him to get a grip and take some responsibility.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 14/09/2017 10:16

This is so horrible that I'm hoping you're a GF (Goady Fucker).

If you're not, then 💐 (Hug) and you need to start standing up for yourself. He can't physically drag you into town, so just say 'No', tell him you're looking after the baby, he can do the bloody washing and if the stupid fuck mentions you baking for meetings - laugh. He should be doing the school run, not you. He should be doing the food shopping, not you. He should be looking after the house, not you. He's being a cunt, don't allow it.

expatinscotland · 14/09/2017 10:16

Jesus wept! Tell him to do one. It's maternity leave, not 1950s housewife leave - tell him that. How dare he call you lazy! I'd have gone fucking spare. STOP doing any more than you were before you left work and tell him, 'I'm not a housewife or a SAHM, I'm a woman on maternity leave.' And he should be doing his share of pick ups and drop offs. Nip this shit in the bud. Homemade cakes, my arse. 'I'm on mat leave, not 1950s housewife leave.'

Wanderwall · 14/09/2017 10:17

He sounds horrible. Sorry OP.

Rachel0Greep · 14/09/2017 10:18

.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 14/09/2017 10:18

Your baby is 2 weeks old!! I did nothing around the house till about 4 weeks in and even now don't always manage to cook or do a load of washing, the constant feeding and exhaustion are massively limiting. Any free time you get you should seize the opportunity to get out of the house or see friends for the preservation of your mental health.

Your DH is an absolute wank-badger. He should be pulling his weight and doing everything possible to give you a break.

Oh, and you are NOT a SAHM! You're on Maternity leave, not Housewife leave!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 14/09/2017 10:19

I think you're doing a sterling job my Lovely.🌺
Your DH sounds like a pain in the butt.
You don't have to put up with the abusive rat. Make sandwiches for tea.

PickAChew · 14/09/2017 10:19

He can make his own bloody cakes. SAHM, maybe, but you're nothis mum, whether you have a cluster feeding newborn or not.

PickAChew · 14/09/2017 10:19

He can make his own bloody cakes. SAHM, maybe, but you're nothis mum, whether you have a cluster feeding newborn or not.

Halfsack · 14/09/2017 10:19

Wow. What an ass. Sorry. No other advice. He's taking the piss. Tell him to hire a cleaner and to bake his own bloody cake!

Mrsmadevans · 14/09/2017 10:19

YANBU or lazy bf is a full time job
DH may be feeling left out if it all and you may like to offer him to feed the baby with some ebm out of a bottle or cup link to NCT re this
www.nct.org.uk/parenting/feeding-your-baby-expressed-breastmilk
Great Job my dear it is not easy but it is best for you and baby as you know

BuzzKillington · 14/09/2017 10:20

I did nothing when mine were newborn - I sat on the sofa and breastfed.

Your husband is being an arse.

WhooooAmI24601 · 14/09/2017 10:20

You delivered a baby less than a month ago. Tell him it's high time he began lactating and breastfed his child. When he laughs and says "I can't" tell him "Then you'd better do the fucking laundry then and make yourself useful since your body can't do any of the stuff mine can, arsehead". What an absolute hellgoblin.

I'm furious on your behalf. Two weeks after our DCs arrived DH was still serving me cups of tea on bended knee because he was so in awe of what I'd done.

PasDeDeux · 14/09/2017 10:20

The moment I read that you have a 2 week old baby I knew that the answer would be NO, of course you aren't lazy!! Has he always been this unsupportive?

Gizmo79 · 14/09/2017 10:21

Er- tell him to wind his neck in.
You are doing plenty! I think I would have killed my DH if he was like this. Mine are now 7 months, 4(so just started primary) and 11(just started secondary), and my husband can't believe that I manage to get stuff done. When I leave him with all three he gets nothing done at all, perhaps that's the way to go once you've got BF established.

Don't let him ruin your new baby time. He is being a jerk.

Stumbleine · 14/09/2017 10:21

You are NOT lazy. He is a prick.
My youngest is nearly one and I still don't manage to sort the washing some days!!

Original poster
thegreenlight · 14/09/2017 10:22

He's really not horrible, he just doesn't seem to get that I've just had a baby. Hes like a super dad a lot of the time but he's very good at not doing things when he wants to and having no guilt but making me feel awful when he feels I'm not doing enough. I have anxiety and I never know which version of him I'm going to get.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 14/09/2017 10:23

'Make sandwiches for tea.'

Make FA for tea. It's his job just as much as yours. 'I'm on maternity leave not 1950s housewife leave.'

pasturesgreen · 14/09/2017 10:23

Wow! I think I just heard the 1950s call and ask for your 'D'H back.

LuluJakey1 · 14/09/2017 10:23

He has no idea- that's what it is. Probably thinks you sit with your feet up all day watching tv while baby sleeps peacefully.
I would make a list of a couple of days with every minute accounted for to show him what it is really like - including night times.
Also, express some feeds and leave him to it for a day children and list of jobs- have a day out. See how he finds it.
My DH does the thing about could I make him a cake for his meetings at work, or some scones. I don't mind- DS at nursery and DD 5 months now- but I could not have done it when they were tiny, and I didn't breastfeed. It is just exhausting having a new baby.

ravenmum · 14/09/2017 10:24

So he's jealous that he has to go to work while you sit around all day with your feet up? He simply has no clue.

Next time he complains, how about suggesting that you find e.g. a summer job next year, during which time he takes 18 weeks of parental leave?
www.gov.uk/parental-leave/entitlement

Justaboy · 14/09/2017 10:24

Tell him from me that you need his ->SUPPORT

Withhindsight · 14/09/2017 10:24

twat! If he's bringing work in to it, tell him he needs to take a few days off, shadow you, understand your life, welcome his input on YOUR suggestions as to how he can help redistribute your increased workload by taking more on and finish by giving him a cake recipe with cooking instructions. For good measure you could be really PA and write out the washing machine instructions and sellotape them to the machine - he's struggling with the shift in routine but taking it out on you instead of ramping up his input