Am I lazy?

[thegreenlight]

Feeling a bit upset. I am currently off on maternity with a 2 week old EBF baby. DS 1 started reception this week and just coming to terms with school run. I literally drop off at school, home, then breastfeed in 3 hour stretches! Husband was grumpy with my this morning and when he finally told me why he said it is because I am inconsiderate because I didn't empty the tumble dryer and do the washing yesterday. He told me that he is doing more now he is off and he's not happy with it. He also called me lazy when I said I would start doing the shop online instead of going to aldi (I have done a food shop in person but left baby with my mum). I have a home cooked dinner on the table for him every night when he walks in and I do all the getting ready for school etc. He basically was annoyed as I went out yesterday to buy some new breast feeding friendly clothes (and jeans as had split my maternity ones ) and then had work colleagues over after school to see baby (their request and I did have to tidy the house for them). Feeling really blue now and he's not answering my messages either.

Is this his baby or what? It is f/t job and he should be helping, caring for you and children. Did he not realise?
Is he jealous of baby. Serious talk and appointment with relate. Can your mum/his mum, sister or midwife, health visitor have a word? Has he got a mate with baby to compare notes with?
Hope you have nice friend to make you a cake.

Also, bake him and his colleagues a cake made with breast milk and only tell him when he gets home from work.

How can he not 'get'; that you've just had a baby. He isn't 12, for goodness sake!

You say you never know which version of him yopu are going to get, so I'm thinking the current issues aren't new / out of the blue?

Your not lazy your husband sounds a dick to be fair wow I only have one DC he's 5 months old and I've never cooked a meal for me and my DH and he never expects me to yes I'll do my best to clean round the house and tidy up as much as I can but he's never called me lazy or said I don't do enough as far as he's concern I'm looking after our DS making sure he's cared for
Your husband needs to have a word with himself

When my dc2 was 2 weeks old my partner was doing all the housework, shopping and cooking. I'm pretty sure he must have been anyway, don't remember a lot about that period

School runs with an ebf newborn sound more than enough to be going on with. Your h needs to spend some quality time with his kids so you can have a rest and he can have a rest too, given that childcare is so easy compared to his work.

What a complete arsehole.
As a comparison: my dh did literally EVERYTHING around the house after Dc was born. This behaviour is not normal and is not acceptable. He sounds like a stroppy toddler who's jealous of the new baby, not a grown man and the child's father. He should feel embarrassed to be behaving like such a bellend.

(My DH also makes his own cakes because it's his hobby and he's far better at it than me despite the impediment of having a penis )

I never know which version of him I'm going to get.

OP this is so sad and such a red flag. This man should be awed by what you've done; you've created life, you've been through a huge amount and are physically and emotionally drained. Your body has done incredible things, your hormones will be everywhere and he dares to have you dancing about worrying which version of him you're going to get? He sounds repugnant.

Enjoy your baby; focus as much as you can on you, baby and DS1. Let your Husband look after himself. Your first priorities have to be yourself and your children while they're so young and vulnerable.

Youve got a 2 week old baby if you did nothing other than look after baby you would still not be lazy. Dont let him spoil this magical time or force you to do more than you are able to. Git

Please say to him what Whooo suggested! I think your anxiety is limiting your absolute right to stand up for yourself (and I truly don't mean that in a derogatory or condescending way). He is a total arse!!!!

Fucking prick OP. Did he want the second child? Sounds like he's punishing yubfor something. I'd have a very serious talk with him and if no major apology is forthcoming, think about getting rid xxx

He just called me to apologise for ranting at me. He asked me what my plans were for today. I said breastfeeding. He said my job was to keep myself happy but he didn't sound completely sincere and now sitting crying. He wanted to know why I was whispering and I told him I had just fed the baby to sleep and that I had told him this is what I do EVERY MORNING until 11ish after drop off.

OP you have to take a stand here before you crack up.

You're 2 weeks PP. atm your job is to feed the baby and have someone bring you food and drink. It's not your job to take care of a jealous man child.

Tell him you're not going going to be baking cakes or keep an immaculate house while you're getting the hang of breastfeeding and if he carries on whinging he can get his own fucking tea.

Better still are you still under the care of the midwife? He could put his complaints to your midwife and get some feedback on your unreasonableness.

Please don't cry....how absolutely dare he make you feel like this! You are AMAZING. He is a TWAT!!!!

As much as I loathe getting others to fight one's battles for oneself, this would be one occasion where he deserves his arse handed to him on a plate by his mother or a battleaxe of a PHN.

What a flute.

He sounds like a bully I'm sorry op the more I'm reading what your putting here he sounds like an emotionally bully gives you a kicking verbally and then try's to make out it's your doing then gives you half hearted apologies and then at same time does it again makes you feel like crap
At no point in any relationship should either partner make the other feel like crap he should be supporting you helping you care for his and your children what an awful awful man
Can you talk to a family member or close friend for some help? I'm sure there's someone you know that would be more than happy to help out even if it's just a shoulder to lean on and vent too

Move your mum in for a while to help, that'll learn him, and fast.

Either that or LTB. I'd make him suffer with the MIL treatment first though.

It's awful when they're not supportive. OP make sure you keep talking. Is there anyone who could come and support you?

Aw, I'm glad he's apologised. Your baby is 2 weeks old and it is relentless. My DS is 4 months old, EBF and this morning I put the same load of washing on for the third morning in a row because I haven't had time to get it out to dry. I found the feeding so hard to begin with, he would take around 90 minutes per feed and it felt like he was always feeding. It's easier now, he goes longer between feeds and sleeps better at night now which makes a difference.
You're probably feeling like you have been hit by a bus right now, the cleaning can wait, you need to take care of yourself

That's not good at all OP. I can only assume sleep deprivation has tipped him over the edge and if he doesn't return later apologising and saying what a twat he's been and it'll never happen again I'd seriously question if he's an abuser who has got you exactly where he wants you, vulnerable with a new baby.

He really just does not understand, does he, that breastfeeding can literally take all day? Or that if you do have an hour free, you might actually like to go out in the fresh air and do something that makes you feel like a human, rather than slogging on with washing his clothes? He managed to wash clothes before; he should be thanking you for taking that task off his hands.
I agree with a PP who said that your anxiety is not helping. Perhaps you need some help to improve your self-esteem? Have a little chat to the doctor or look round for some self-help groups - or just meet up with some other new mums so you can hear how much more their husbands are happy to do?

And give him some reading.
www.babycentre.co.uk/a8252/dads-and-breastfeeding
hotandhealthylife.com/an-open-letter-to-dads/
www.thisdadcan.co.uk/breastfeeding-7-top-tips-for-dads/

I think he's jealous of the baby, especially as you are using "his" boobs for your baby!

I'd get my financial papers in order and contact a solicitor, just in case he throws something else at you. Laundry my fucking eye, does he really think he's got a maid?

From your descriptions I think he's a shit husband btw, and he sounds far too self absorbed to be a 'great dad'

OMG, why are you whispering indeed.... like as if he doesn't know or care that babies and children can be woken up.

He sounds like a shit to me. Sorry. I would not have any more children with this man baby. Red flags flapping in the breeze throughout your posts.

Regarding your new arrival, congratulations! Lots of support on the breastfeeding boards.

I'm not surprised that a lot of women have pnd with selfish, selfish partners.

Don't let the bastards get you down. Tell him he's lucky you haven't thrown him out with his dirty laundry and all.

As for Cake? Jeesus....

Your only reply to this can surely be 'LOL'. Or 'Divorce'. You decide...

Also he needs to have the Man who has it all book :)

Sounds like a super dad. Belittling his children's mum and shaming her for having having friends and buying some clothes. Yey, Super Dad.

he's very good at not doing things when he wants to and having no guilt but making me feel awful when he feels I'm not doing enough. I have anxiety and I never know which version of him I'm going to get.

Yes, he IS really horrible, this is outrageous. Do you have any other support OP? Can you talk this through with friends in real life, or your mum? I get the feeling this is the tip of the iceberg - he's not very good at not doing things when he wants - that's called being a selfish fucker. You are doing an amazing job OP, and as he said, even if he was doing it through gritted teeth, concentrate on your and your DCs.

I'm really sorry OP. He is being horrible. I did nothing with a 2 week old EBF baby as it is so time consuming. Well done for doing it along with the school run, you sound like you are doing amazingly, don't let him put you down.
My DH is very good at trying to make me feel guilty as well. Just refuse to feel guilty as it is he who is unreasonable and his plan is to make you feel bad so you start doing the washing etc as well.