I have missed it haven't I?

[mummypleeeaaaasseeee]

It's pretty trivial really. I'll try to be quick.
We take our shoes off at home, usually guests do as well, either they just do it or they ask or i might ask nicely.
We have not long ago moved to a new area, I have made new friends, they have been over twice now and both times I didn't ask them to remove shoes and they didn't, i like them I hope we can become good friends but I really would like them to take shoes off next time
So if twice now I have said nothing (both times i somehow missed the moment), how can i say something now without it being awkward! It's too late! Isn't it?
Btw this is not a debate on whether to wear shoes indoors or not to - different homes different rules, i just wish someone would come up with a perfect way of getting people to take their shoes off without any awkwardness! Anyone?

I had to start asking people to remove shoes after something black/sticky (oil?) was brought inside my home on someone's shoes (I have 2 doormats!), and I had to try and get it out of the carpet.

Could function as a good excuse- sorry but after X happened I'm now asking people to remove shoes, hope you don't mind.

Don't people have doormats? To wipe your shoes on before coming in?

I'd lie & tell them you had a mess to clean up, and its a new rule.

Also you should be asking people to wash their hands when they enter too - all that bacteria on them! Poo crumbs! Norovirus! TOUCHING YOUR STUFF!

You know what the problem is OP - you've slipped into a wormhole and now in a ShoesOnWorld.

On these threads the ShoesOff people tend to say that everyone they know takes their shoes off indoors. ShoesOn people don't know anyone who takes shoes off.

Only sensible reaction is to pack everything up and leave for a new area in the morning

I was always taught that it's good manners to remove shoes when you visit someone's house. I'm surprised that people don't as a matter of course, unless the host says not to worry, keep shoes on.

It's only on MN that this is such a big deal! And people get so vehement.

We are a shoes off household. We keep the flat warm enough that it isn't uncomfortable or cold to walk around in your shoes.. when I send out invites for big parties I always include a joke about wearing your best socks (just to ensure people are aware it's a shoes off household).. I keep spare clean flip flops around for anyone who wants to step out onto our deck, and I don't insist on this policy for anyone visiting my home in a professional capacity (ie the plumber, gardener, midwife etc.. if they offer I kindly accept but I don't even mention it otherwise because they're doing a job not "visiting me for funs").

But if beyond all this anyone truly found this offensive then a) I don't think we can be friends, b) for any future holidays I would genuinely suggest you avoid most of Asia :)

And OP next time I'd just point them towards the pile of shoes and say "would you mind leaving your shoes"..

If they bring up the fact that they didn't last time just say "oh I'm sure you did.." or if they insist they hadn't then just laugh and say "oh you know me, sometimes I forget to let guests know".

I'm just imagining the post from the friends:

I've met this new friend that I really like but I'm really bothered by something she does. I think it may be too late to say something.

Each time she comes to my house she takes her shoes off. I end up having to scrub my floors after she leaves as she's walked all over them with her sweaty feet. What about all the potential athlete's foot spores or verruca virus she's leaving on the floor? How can I say up her that I prefer she didn't walk around my floors without shoes on to protect my floor from all that? It seems so presumptuous on her part. I'd only ever take my shoes off in my own home. I leave mine on in her home so you'd think she'd recognise that's the normal way to do things.

I would much rather deal with a bit of dust from the street on my carpets than have to try to bond with someone over their smelly feet. Maybe most people don't have smelly feet, but I would not want to take the risk

Keep those foul digits away from me, I say.

@TwoBobs - and I was taught it's rude to take your shoes off in someone's house unless you know them very well. It's just too intimate.

I'm surprised that people don't leave them on as a matter of course, unless the host says not to worry, take shoes off.

Hangup Oh no, why did you have to list all those nasties? We keep shoes on but I may have to reconsider now. Then again, we live in a rented flat and I don't trust the carpets, so perhaps not.

I think refusing to visit people ever again just coz they asked you to remove your shoes is a bit of an over-reaction.

Its just polite not to traipse your outdoor shoes through to someones expensive carpet!

This should do the trick

We have a cream carpet in the living room and I don't let people where shoes in there. Visitors can keep their shoes on in other rooms where there is flooring but I am very precious about my carpet. Everyone sticks to the rules and my kids remind people if they slip up, the only one who refuses to take them off is my mil. She flounces around our living room with her shoes on and refuses to take them off, I find it really insulting. I put loads of mats down now when she visits but she still hasn't taken the hint!

I din't wear shoes in the house (except maybe flip flops) and always take them off when visiting. I make my dc take theirs off too.

(except one of my friends - who I love dearly but has a filthy floor. Much as I love her, I'm not wanting to pick up all the bits on her floor on the soles of my feet).

Carpets are designed to be walked on. Ditto wood floors. I think asking a guest to remove their shoes is the height of rudeness as it implies that they are the sort of person who would unthinkingly walk dirt into your house.

I would just ask politely. I don't think the fact that they've already visited twice changes much.

Also lol at some people's OTT reactions to this topic. I've never been bothered either way, but I might start asking people to take their shoes off just as an easy way to get anyone crazy enough to "never visit my house again if I asked them to take their shoes off" out of my life.

We take shoes off to go into the lounge which is carpeted. I wouldn't ask anyone to take their shoes off in the rest of the house which is all wooden floor. Couldn't walk bare foot on that. Or expect anyone else to.

How about the elderly and the disabled, do you expect them to struggle with their shoes or are you willing to help them undress? I can’t put on my shoes or tie them btw.

Do you have hand sanitizer by the front door for your guests as well?

Yes actually, we have shoe horns, a comfy chair and a washroom just off where people take their shoes off. And so far no one has ever said anything - although I don't expect them to really criticise my house expectations to my face. Anyway, if someone has such a problem with it they're welcome to not visit.

I really find the OTT reactions on here quite hilarious. Obviously if there was a reason someone couldn't take their shoes off (they're genuinely impaired or only stepping in for a minute and it's too much effort for them, or as I said before they're paying me a professional visit) then I wouldn't insist. But surely everyone is entitled to keep their home as they see fit? I always ask if people want me to take my shoes off when I visit and I follow their lead.

I don't understand why there's so much outrage over this!

Mumsnetters can get outraged over anything! Even the tiniest of things!

For most people it's just common sense though. I have friends who ask me to take my shoes off, so I happily do, and others who don't, so I don't. I'm sure those shoeless households would not ask somebody disabled or for any reason unable to remove their shoes to do so. That's not rocket science.

Joined just to add to this thread :) Like Bourdic, I feel I have stumbled into another dimension. If I'm kicking around the house in my dressing gown, I will wear some old Crocs. When I get dressed, though, I put my shoes on and they don't come off until I go to bed. I have broken a toe several times walking around the house barefoot and I absolutely hate slippers. No support and make my feet sweat :) If you come to my house, I won't expect you to take your shoes off. I will be hoovering the carpet within a few weeks, whether it needs it or not.

If you ask me to take my shoes off in your house, I will of course comply without question, but I will feel odd and a bit vulnerable for the whole time. Your house, your rules - and OP, you should just ask people. No reasonable person would object or think it weird.

Stand with your arms folded, blocking their way into the house, staring at their feet, and only move out of the way once they've taken their shoes off.

I've moved to Sweden where it is standard and I bloody hate it. I get the messy boots stuff - where I live it could 4/5 months of snow. When kids (9/10 years) come for playmates, there is no please or thank you but the kids automatically take their shoes off. That's not right. I'd swop shoes for manners any day.

Went to a school meeting where a parent got very angry, was shouting and finger pointing, all in fluffy socks. I couldn't take him seriously.