Update - missed Grammar School application

[sososocross]

So many people have kindly sent pm and a couple of update threads have been started so I wanted to update.

Firstly I really want to thank you all for your help and kindness. I was in a state and without you all I would have lost the plot. You women rule 🏅

Update: They are not letting him do the test and I have told DS. I made the choice to tell him in a vague way and simply stated that something had gone wrong and his application had not been received. I will not lie to him if he asks for more details at a later date, but I couldn't take away his chosen school and his image of his dad in one cruel swoop.

He cried and asked me to sort it out, and I told him I had tried and couldn't. I told him my alternate plans and he relaxed. I also told him I would be coming home early 2x per week from here on, and we would work together on homework, extra study or whatever he chose. If he wants to register for the 12 or 13 plus I will do all I can to assist him. Then we watched guardians of the galaxy and had big cuddle up on the sofa.

So that's where we are.

I am sorry to those I irritated by deleting the thread, I was very worried about the daily mail and any come back. I hope you understand I was having a crisis and listed inappropriate details which could identify my son on the thread.

Please don't mention school details on this thread as I'd rather it all remain anonymous for his sake.

Thanks again for all the kindness, it meant the world to me.

Sunanfdmoonshine
Your post depresses me. I can't imagine how awful that just be to actually be your life.

Life is too short. Your husband sounds like he ia sucking all enjoyment out of your life on a very sneaky low constant level

sunandmoonshine oh that's miserable, I'm so sorry your H behaves that way. Can you just go with DC yourself for your weekend and leave him working and leave him at home when he's in a foul mood - would that shock him out of it? Mine is more complex, always a delight in company - serves the drinks, plays with the kids, just Mr Perfect but the downside of this is no one can see what I have to deal with and if I do comment to my cousin (who i am veyr close to) she replies that she'd do anything to have someone like him and basically stop moaning! Grrrrr

I'm ignoring the seething fury I'm
Feeling towards your shit DH, to tell you instead how brilliant you are.

Your DS seems very mature and I hope he'll be happy at whatever school he goes to.

Have you looked at private ones going down the scholarship sports/ bursary route? The sport he's good at is a v popular way to do it.

Hi OP, I followed your previous thread and just want to say how well you've dealt with this. It is an awful situation and your DH was ridiculously stupid. However as someone above said it sounds as though you have something worth fighting for. You have married a good man who has made one too many mistakes - which he needs to own up to and do his utmost to rectify. Do you think he understands that this time is different and he needs to change? I really really hope so because it sounds like you have a lovely family and you are a very strong, brave and selfless woman. Your DS also sounds very conscientious and like he has his head screwed on so I wish him and you all the best.

OP what has he said about why he lied and still did nothing?

www.conservativewoman.co.uk/niall-mccrae-incitement-murder-mumsnet-banner/

I am very angry about this. And freaked out.

Insomniac - I haven't asked him - I will but need a bit of time.

Jesus that's awful. Some men are really afraid of being called out aren't they?

Did you get an NHS referral or go private? I found it hard to find help.
Private OP, our GP has no sympathy for anything which doesn't have you screaming in pain - but to be fair we didn't even try them. The truly awful counselor was 'relate', tho I think they are generally good (and not only about patching up the cracks, they help you separate well if need be). We saw a lady someone recommended, qualified, and did the counseling in her garden shed ( a very nice garden shed tho )

An obvious example of 'blowing off a bit of steam' and I'm accused of being violent! The comments are insane - thanks Florence whoever you are :) us women must stick together!

Jesus Christ what a shower of cunts.

The support I had on the original thread prevented me losing the plot, enabled me to make a plan and action it and whilst I didn't get what we wanted, I accept that and have been very grateful to everyone.

scottish - it was relate we saw too!

I've just read the page you linked to above, OP. Speechless and

Haven't read of all of this new thread, but read the initial one (made me teary on your behalf) and wish you and your son all the very best.

Fucksake that article is a disgrace.

The comments on the Conservative article mention that National express WiFi blocks mumsnet, and states that this says a lot...looking at the National Express website, they mention there that they block the BBC website - so I guess the BBC website is also logically a dangerous site which incites criminal behaviour!?

Ok on the article...

It's salacious, ill conceived and poorly argued.

That said, firstly I'd contact MNHQ and ask them to remove your post with the link. The last thing you want to do it provide them with free click bait by everyone on on your thread hear reading it and this making it seem more news worthy.

Secondly, the premise of the argument is fundamentally that MN itself is allowing "incitement" and not following its own "rules" - both points are not valid, however imho MNHQ should respond forcefully and strongly to this.

As such when you contact them ask what they intend to do - they should at least respond formally to this ridiculous article to the website in question.

You are fantastic OP, so strong for holding it together for your son, whilst feeling so devastated yourself. You put your child first and that is supreme parenting and self control.

This is one of those gutwrenching, heartbreaking rockbottom watershed moments isn't it :( I really felt your pain

I hope it is for your DH and he realises what a monumental cock up he has made, both in not taking responsibility and also in telling a lie to you. You have managed to overcome your difficult childhood and it is sad and frustrating that he has not - not your fault at all though. He could have used your love and support as a springboard but for whatver reason he did not.

He clearly does need some help to overcome his issues from childhood, maybe a therapy course for children of alcoholics etc., but even with all that it is up to him to seek out and show you what sort of man he wants to be. And what sort of father he wants to be. He has to take the help and really work with it. Really change (if he can).

I think what you say about your children having a trauma free childhood is key - this has been a trauma for your DS (well managed and spun to see positives) but still unnecessary. Maybe this is something to tell your DH? That your main goal was to achieve a tramua free life for your kids and he has actually caused them and you a real trauma. If he can't or won't see it then sadly you have your answer as to what sort of man he is going to be. Let him be out on the cold. Let him feel how it feels to crap on people and remnd him maybe that tis is probably what his parents did. Don't make it better this time at all.

Anyway, take your time and be kind to yourself. Don't think he is doing you any favours though - you are clearly a wonderful mum, fantastic in a crisis and know how to have a laugh yourself - those are valuable qualities. If he was in anyway your equal he would know that and kick himself up the arse to be a good enough partner for you.

There are lots of women (and men) who can sadly relate to what you are going through at home and not just what things look like superficially :(

Ignore that ridiculous site. They (all men I noticed) are only interested in protecting the wrongdoers. They are the literal embodiment of that Karpman Drama Triangle. They automatically reframe the perpetrator as the 'victim', ignoring the fact that the innocent child is the real victim of his father's totally avoidable incompetence and lieing 9as is the poor OP). Any decent parent-adult human knows that the father has seriously fucked up here.

Ignore those bastards OP.

I imagine National Express ban anything too busy - more of a limited bandwidth issue than a morality issue.

I wish I hadn't read the article. Wilfully missing the point - a discussion on how we abbreviate eg DH but post profanities in full. Well yes, "DH is a fucking bellend" is clearer than "my husband is a %€$¥₩€$@ $@%×_$¥₩ and I am mildly miffed".

OP, we weren't v well off, the private counselor wasn't all that pricey, and seemed well worth it - its difficult because it shouldn't all be pleasant, thats part of the point, so its hard to decide when to pull the plug and just decide the counselor is not for you!
Have seen 2 diff ones privately who were great tho. The relate lady really seemed to have been brought from the 1950's to talk to us - kept forgetting I worked and saying I had much more time to do all the house stuff, and that DH was earning and that was how he cared for me and DCs, when he earned a lot less than bleach me (but I never told her that, because it would have been nasty for him to have it said).

Another one here who read your original thread and think you are a brilliant mum.

But gah I wish you hadn't posted the link to that stupid shitty rant... because it's clearly deliberately goady and designed to make loads of us click on it and get our knickers in a twist. I'd feel sick too if someone had written that about something I'd posted, but try to ignore it best you can.

Oh yes, and with self-will and motivation like that the sky is the limit for your DS.

Oh for fucking fuck's sake

What a load of misogynistic claptrap

Soso, please think about getting this thread deleted and starting another somewhere safe (if you don't know where that is then HQ can guide you - I'm not saying here)

The more I read the more upset I'm getting for you

And yes, get HQ to delete that piece of shit link

I've it sound like I'm fawning over his good looks

Oh no, no. I'm sorry if I gave that impression. You don't sound blinded by his good looks at all. But you do sound as if people far, far inferior to you have made you suffer for them. And I'm sorry you've had to go through that.

oh my god. MNHQ delete the link and noone will ever read it anyway. What a twat.

just saw the LINK... to the article quoting the Original Post...

DISGUSTING that media can take people's emotional distress and print it elsewhere and leave it open to interpretation and comment on incomplete facts...

I'm so sorry OP... appalling x