Update - missed Grammar School application

[sososocross]

So many people have kindly sent pm and a couple of update threads have been started so I wanted to update.

Firstly I really want to thank you all for your help and kindness. I was in a state and without you all I would have lost the plot. You women rule 🏅

Update: They are not letting him do the test and I have told DS. I made the choice to tell him in a vague way and simply stated that something had gone wrong and his application had not been received. I will not lie to him if he asks for more details at a later date, but I couldn't take away his chosen school and his image of his dad in one cruel swoop.

He cried and asked me to sort it out, and I told him I had tried and couldn't. I told him my alternate plans and he relaxed. I also told him I would be coming home early 2x per week from here on, and we would work together on homework, extra study or whatever he chose. If he wants to register for the 12 or 13 plus I will do all I can to assist him. Then we watched guardians of the galaxy and had big cuddle up on the sofa.

So that's where we are.

I am sorry to those I irritated by deleting the thread, I was very worried about the daily mail and any come back. I hope you understand I was having a crisis and listed inappropriate details which could identify my son on the thread.

Please don't mention school details on this thread as I'd rather it all remain anonymous for his sake.

Thanks again for all the kindness, it meant the world to me.

Mmmmmm i would imagine a some what bitter sweet experience .......

How did the talk go?

I appreciate you're knackered - so don't feel obliged to keep coming back just so you can provide strangers with food for discussion.

OP I haven't read the full thread or any of these links, but it sounds like all this has got way out of hand now.
Comments telling you to leave your DH over this are overstepping the line imo. This is your life and nobody on here knows him - or you. Your DS will bounce back from this missed school opportunity, but his family splitting up would be another matter entirely.
I'm not trying to minimise your DH's mistake - I would have been absolutely livid too. It was stupid, thoughtless, but not malicious.
If your son is bright, could you look into private schools in your area (apologies if this has already been mentioned)? If fees are an issue, many schools run bursary or part-bursary schemes. You might be very surprised if you look into it.
It is possible he may have not got into the grammar school anyway. My DC all had to sit 4 schools each at 11 plus in the London independent sector. My experience has taught me to be careful what you wish for, quite frankly. Sometimes admission to a "top school" comes with all sorts of unforeseen issues and you realise that all that matters is their health, happiness and family support.
I think you should try and move on from this now if at all possible. This is a point in time and it will pass. Good luck!

What did he have to say for himself?

Hi Op

Have you thought of trying for a private school bursary?

Your Ds sounds both academic and very motivated, also skilled in sport, just the sort of child private school burseries are designed for.

Its a whole other world but a definate possibility,
research the local independent schools in your area,
get the online Good Schools Guide, but of a tome but incredibly helpful, it will tell you all you need to know about each school and also what there may be available in the way of supported places, some pay everything...
Go and visit any you like the sound of, be honest about your situation and your sons abilities, this would not be the time to be modest!

He would probably be able to sit the entrance exam and then dependant on his results/sports ability/commitment would be able to apply for funding.....

Your DS sounds like he has the drive to be really successful so please give it a go....

Hope you are ok OP.

I'm also getting a 404 on the article, so it looks like the CW site may actually have some journalistic standards after all...

OP nothing to add re the situation but I'm in awe of how you're handling this. Your DS is lucky to have you.

Headteacher told me she's not in favour of grammar schools and DS better off at local comp

Ah really I would love to know what on her personal views on this have to do with her professional stance on enabling her pupil to get the best education open to him and do his parents bidding as well.

Then people say " oh but its not fair fsm meals cant get in..."

No they cant because they are hobbled by teachers and heads who allow their personal political views to influence how they run a school and its disgusting

I'm also getting a 404 on the article, so it looks like the CW site may actually have some journalistic standards after all...

Given MNHQ's previous experience with defamation (etc) claims, I expect it's more a case of avoiding lawyering up!

I am seriously so impressed, and so happy the the vile article has gone. I wonder who reported it? And to whom?

Nasty little parasite. the journalist I mean

Who would want to do that job? I mean, it's got to be an exciting and interesting job, but I couldn't live with being a vile irksome parasite, writing shit about peoples personal lives, and making stuff up, to make a few bucks.

I mean, I know SOME journalists don't do that, but some do. Even that Aussie star Rebel Wilson has recently been awarded over 4 million Aussie dollars because of a publication making up multiple lies about her.

www.theguardian.com/film/2017/sep/13/rebel-wilson-wins-more-than-45m-in-damages-from-bauer-media

There are loads. Here's just 2 more examples.

Leo DiCaprio sues a French magazine after they claim her got Rihanna pregnant and abandoned her.

www.gossipcop.com/leonardo-dicaprio-sues-second-french-magazine-rihanna-lawsuit/

And Tom Cruise sues a publication after they claimed he had abandoned his daughter.

edition.cnn.com/2013/12/21/showbiz/tom-cruise-suri-defamation/index.html

I hope things turn out well for you @sososocross .

Like I said last time.
The problem is that he is a dick, not that he has a dick.

Don't confuse the two.

@pennysnow

A mumsnetter who was "quoted" in the article reported it. She explained on another thread.

Thank you @DarthMaiden

Hopefully, that piece of shit article doesn't get put back up. (Even when it HAS been 'corrected!')

No wise words but you seriously rock. Such a fab Mum and I think you have managed this amazingly.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. My father was a flakey, lying "this is so hard for meeeeeeee!" type, and unfortunately my mother was not capable of compensating. I just wanted to say that your children are very lucky to have you. As a PP said, children with parents like you will do well.

Thanks everyone for your kind replies.

He's very very sorry. He's ashamed, humiliated and shocked. Very angry with himself. He considered killing himself on Monday as he thought that would persuade the school to allow him to sit the test. He has a lot of blanks over the last 4 days and has been very zoned out. I think it just highlights that he needs to get some help for issues that remain from his childhood. He's written to the school today and they have made an appointment for him to see the Head of Admissions. I am sure it will come to nothing but he is trying.

DS has been stoical and is still doing extra work.

It's been a very strange and discombobulating week. And I am an enemy of the Tory's now, which is a bonus.

I'm sorry but how on earth could killing himself enable your ds to sit the test, he'd be too distraught to even contemplate sitting any test. I think your dh is saying anything he can to make you believe he's angry with himself.

God @sososocross I'm so sorry. In a weird way, and awful though it has been for you and DS, maybe it has taken such an almighty fuckup to make DH realise he needs to make some gargantuan changes. I hope that his meeting yields something but if not, well done to DS for not giving up.

Wow that's quite dramatic. Has he apologised to your DS and taken responsibility?

Has he explained lying to you and still not doing it even then?

@sososocross That's exactly what I suspected would happen. I think he was so overwhelmed with the enormity of his mistake that he couldn't take responsibility for it just yet. I'm glad he has now and I hope the two of you can work things out.

This thread has really moved me more than any other on Mumsnet for some reason. I'll really be thinking of you all and wishing you the best.

DS sounds a wonderful boy - you must be so proud of him.

He's been like this before. A child in his family (in care) was on the news for a serious crime and he totally lost it for a few weeks. Yes, he realised his thought process was not sane and has been grappling with his irrational impulses. It's hard. He can't remember anything from the the ages of 11-14 at all - he was in care and has totally buried it.

He has no explanation for the lie and the failure to do the application or tell me other than it was self sabotage. He doesn't deserve a son in a good school etc so he destroyed the chance. I don't know. I didn't accept the apology but I listened. It's all very sad. I am very angry with him but I do love him.

It'll be interesting to see what happens in his meeting tomorrow.

Sorry to be that person, but are you sure it wasn't him that was guilty of a serious crime? He could have been in care for that reason.

He has turned this round to be about him, and it isn't. He say that he doesn't deserve a child in a good school, But the reality is that he is sabotaging his own son, your child. NormalHealthy

Sorry, healthy parents want something better for their children than they had. He just feels sorry for himself.
Theres something he hasnt dealt with if he;'s stuck in the past like this.

OP I am in awe of your stoicism. It's clear that your ds has excellent support from you, which is a massive success booster whichever school he goes to. I believe it is possible to apply for a late test in that area (you just need a valid reason). You can also appeal for the school in March when the results come out. I wish you all the best whichever path you pursue for your son.