Tattoo

[2much2do2littletime2doit]

So had my first hen do away just recently and all the hen had a tiny (old 50p) sized tattoo, on our feet. I already have a tattoo from 20+ years ago, my DH of 7 years is not keen on them, which I did know. However come home and he says he now wants a divorce. That using the excuse it's my body is a 'lefty' argument and he has the choice not to look at it, that he's now no longer attracted to me because of it. I will point out we normally get on very well, no issues apart from the normal petty things. I completely think he's over reacting.

When I met my DH I had blond hair which he prefers, I've gone back to brown fur

CHUNKYMONKEY! Hahaha that's the best typo ever

Is he a religious man?

some people do think that any tattoo is a sign of immaturity and a lack of forethought

Well then I would think you were very foolish to make such a sweeping assumption.

Oh and OP FWIW my ex-H didn't like tattoos. So he didn't get one. He knew - quite rightly - he had no say over what I did with my body. I've got in the region of.......well many.

I'm pretty sure my tattoos weren't the reason for our amicable divorce but I really must ask him

You've been married 7 years. Any children? If not, I'd let him go. Because either:

1. He genuinely wants a divorce over this, or
2. He wants to make you feel bad and beg him to stay.

If 1 - I wouldn't want to hold onto someone who wanted to leave. If 2 - I just wouldn't want him any more. I'd have lost respect for him pulling such a stunt.

If you have children together, it makes it more complicated; but it also makes his behaviour, whether 1 or 2, even worse.

Tats are a bit naff now though to be fair. You really have to go all out with them now for them to look good I think. Proper sleeves and works of art - little tats just stuck on like badges are pretty meh. I wouldn't bother now.

edmund
Yes I have counselling but that still doesn't mend things.
In a similar vein, do you still expect me to work at the hospital given that I will have to care for patients in the same boat? I can't see that happening much! Can you not see that "counselling" is not a magic pill and sometimes we just need to remove ourselves from the situation?

What you are saying is that I have to put up and shut up, my feelings don't count? I have an absolute right to determine my own future - as does ops H!

I am sorry for your illness and understand you wouldn't like tattoos after that, hive but we have no suggestion that OPs husband has any such trauma to explain his strong reaction and readiness to cut loose someone he purportedly loves.

Headofthehive55 no counselling doesn't always help, I appreciate that. However, it still makes you unreasonable to suggest that a spouse or loved one cannot modify their bodies as they please, due to the fact you were ill. It's controlling, in the same vein that it would be if your husband told you to never get a haircut again or always wear makeup.

Just because we don't like something, if it's within reason we cannot demand our loved ones abstain from doing as they please with their own bodies. Tattoos, especially small, hidden ones, are not unreasonable. The OP's husband is behaving terribly and she would be well rid of the silly man by all accounts.

People leave their partners for just "not feeling it anymore"
Maybe he sees her in a different light now?

edmund
I don't think you understand.
Spouses can do what they please, but their partners also get a choice too. To live with them or not.

To say that spouses can do what they want but then to say the partner must not feel differently or react in anyway is unreasonable.
With every action, their is a reaction. One of the laws of physics.

Your body your choice. Its not a 'lefty' argument at all its bodily autonomy.

As pp have said its not a full facial swastica ffs. He is hardly going to be sitting staring at your uncovered foot all night.

If such a small thing makes him talk divorce then he really isnt serious about his marriage at all. Or he is using this as an attempt at exerting his control over you and planning to get something for him in return for you begging him not to leave you.

As long as he hadnt spent the life savings on a tattoo and it wasnt offensive I wouldnt care if a partner got one or not. Its not hurting me, its them who have to suffer the pain of it (and its on MY bucket list )

Absolutely people can do as they please.
Whether or not that makes them a piss poor excuse for a human being. Which anyone who tries to force their views on appearance on their life partner is, actually. A piss poor excuse for a human being.

Is he cheating? After so many years, all a sudden this became a huge problem for him?

I don't think a haircut is on my agenda anytime soon!

It really doesnt matter if another person doesnt like them, thinks they are 'naff' or 'common' or whatever. Its a persons choice to do what they want on their own body. Nobody elses business (unless its so offensive and prominent they wouldnt want to be seen with them, then they have a good reason to not want to stay with them)

Headofthehive55 I was speaking hypothetically to make my point that you cannot demand a loved one not to make changes (within reason) to their own bodies.

This isn't physics, head, it's folks (anf if it were it would be an equal and opposite reaction which hardly makes sense here.)

Reaction, fine, OK, natural. But his is a disproportionate and extreme one.

To say that spouses can do what they want but then to say the partner must not feel differently or react in anyway is unreasonable.

To say 'I don't really like that haircut' is one thing. 'That haircut has ruined our relationship, you knew it would make me angry/traumatise me, I want a divorce' is quite another. The latter is ridiculous, controlling and unacceptable.

Just checking it's not something really horrible like something racist or vile is it?

Because I could understand that but if it's something none offensive it seams really really over the top.

It's your body to do with as you please, if he doesn't like it then it's his issue not yours.
I have tattoos my husband doesn't like them, it doesn't stop me getting them because I won't spend my life missing out on something I want to do just to please others.
Would he be the same if you cut or dyed your hair or put on lots of weight?

There has to be something else going on and he is using this as the excuse to get out x

It's something pretty actually, it's not offensive, it's actually of something which represents our surname, and since I took his name I have collected these things that represent it.

What if the tattoo is a heart with the name "Carlos" in the middle, and OP's husband is called John?

OP we need some more details here!