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AIBU?

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Original poster

Feeling apprehensive about friends with rowdy children coming to stay !

180 replies

36plusandtrying · 11/09/2017 22:29

Have friends coming to stay in a few weeks and their children are a little spirited ... think throwing toys at walls, jumping all over sofas, standing on chairs at meal times, eating with hands, running over the house refusing to get teeth brushed, running in and out of room at bed time ....we are in a new house and have older children so house not overly kid friendly. Friend has already suggested that I put away my 'nice things' so nothing gets broken .... how do I handle this or is it me that needs to child proof the house ? (Kids 3 and 6)

OP posts:
Grimmfebruary · 11/09/2017 22:32

Your friend has suggested you move valuable things out of the way. If anything does get broken I wouldn't expect her to pay for it. Keep your kids technology etc out the way and hope she'll reign them in as well as your preventative measures

DamsonGin · 11/09/2017 22:33

Could you put together a list of house rules? Would their mum help stick to them?

FenceSitter01 · 11/09/2017 22:34

Sorry but I simply wouldn't have them in my house. If she cant control them they can go to a travel lodge or similar.

tigerdriverII · 11/09/2017 22:34

Send them to a hotel. You will regret it if you don't

chocatoo · 11/09/2017 22:35

Rather you than me. My child is of an age where I've just started to get it looking decent. I would keep them busy outside of the house as much as possible.

Original poster
36plusandtrying · 11/09/2017 22:38

We were meant to be a 'base' then they were going to go off somewhere. But they have realised it's school holidays with us 'so everything is so expensive'

OP posts:
lunar1 · 11/09/2017 22:38

Why have them to stay. I had a friend with spirited children, my life is so much better now I don't tolerate the madness.

PurplePillowCase · 11/09/2017 22:38

small list of rules.

  • sitting down at mealtimes
  • no touching non-toys without asking
  • no throwing things inside
-...

hold the dc (all of them) to the rules. and also tell your friend. that you will not tolerate unruly behaviour and ask her how she will keep your possessions safe.

teeth brushing... not your monkeys not your circus...

Anecdoche · 11/09/2017 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
36plusandtrying · 11/09/2017 22:41

I feel awful because they are good friends and I'm really looking forward to seeing them. But we went to see them recently and my jaw hit the floor when I saw how they behaved ... they are both really unhappy and seem to have given up parenting. They don't seem to have any boundaries.

OP posts:
Misty9 · 11/09/2017 22:41

Your house, your rules. I have friends with less strict parenting standards than me and they respect this in my house. Incidentally, I have the same age dc and they would not be allowed to do any of the things on that list!

PollyFlint · 11/09/2017 22:47

I'd poke my eyes out with a spoon rather than have friends like that to stay, to be honest.

Assuming that telling them they can't stay isn't an option, though, I think you need to have a serious chat with your friend about what you will and won't tolerate in your house. If your friend says 'Oh, they'll never be able to stick to those rules' then the answer to that is 'If you want to stay with us, they will have to, sorry'.

And if your friend continues to let the kids run riot, then you have to be one who is very firm with them. In fairness, some kids are much more inclined to do as they're told by other people than they are to do as they're told by their parents.

mygorgeousmilo · 11/09/2017 22:51

Unfortunately I think if they stay, you'll end up losing your rag and the friendship will suffer. Or you ask them to stay at a premier inn or something, and the friendship will suffer. Either way, lovely friends that somehow become slacker parents to bratty kids - are hard to stay close with. Speaking from bitter experience.

Original poster
36plusandtrying · 11/09/2017 22:52

My DH thinks they will be better in unfamiliar territory. Recently when we saw them they were doing something dangerous and I told them sternly to stop (I didn't lose it, was just firm) they went bawling to mummy as if I'd told them Santa wasn't real ..... she just comforted them. It's another world really ...

OP posts:
MissEliza · 11/09/2017 22:57

As a teenager I remember my dps getting into a similar situation with an old friend of my dad's from Australia who landed on us. It was hell and my dad never spoke to him again sadly. If you want your friendship to survive you better be frank with your friend before she arrives.

MrsEricBana · 11/09/2017 23:00

Ýes I agree you should cancel if it is going to upset you and potentially damage your friendship.

Alanna1 · 11/09/2017 23:02

Some of these matter more than others...
Throwing toys / jumping on sofas - they matter. Standing on chairs at dinner time and eating with hands is weird unless they are 1 up to at most 4. But I expect most 4 year olds not to do that. Running around at bedtime - oh dear, my kids do that if we have guests! Guests are exciting!

Original poster
36plusandtrying · 11/09/2017 23:02

I think your all right, house rules and a frank chat is needed. We can't say no as we aren't just a drive away. Airline tickets have been booked. Thankfully DH is great with them so he might be able to placate them. .. while I slowly rock in the corner (already bought magic erasers for my walls just in case)

OP posts:
mygorgeousmilo · 11/09/2017 23:11

Yes see I tried to do the firm "this is what's happening in this house, please behave nicely and then we can do some lovely x/y/z" friendly but authoritative stance with my friend's kids. They responded like wailing banshees and sobbed on my friend, looking across at me like I'd tried to kill them. It was a longggg few days, from which the friendship never really recovered. Feral, is a word I would use. I'm not using it lightly. Just no sweetness or kindness, no manners, just screeching, attacking, spitefulness and misery and wildness and aggression. No, no SEN. Just spoilt.

SandyY2K · 11/09/2017 23:41

I wouldn't have them over TBH. I'd just make an excuse and it would not be rescheduled.

I can't take kids who run riot and the parents don't say a word.

llangennith · 11/09/2017 23:47

Just say to your friend that you're looking forward to seeing them but you'll have to lay down a few rules like all food (however small) to be eaten at the table and NO throwing toys around. And that as your own DC are older your house isn't childproof so you'll appreciate her keeping an eye on her DC. Then be super vigilant and watch them to make sure nothing's damaged. Good luck!

Middleoftheroad · 11/09/2017 23:50

I would think of an excuse. It's just not worth the stress.

ijustwannadance · 11/09/2017 23:53

The kids behave that way because the parents allow it.

You need to pull them up on it every time they mis-behave. Both children and parents. Do not accept it at all.

Those children are old enough to understand.

blankface · 11/09/2017 23:58

I couldn't tolerate that behaviour.

Get locks for your and your kids' bedroom doors otherwise the little dears will trash everything in there - read several MN threads on what visiting children have done to other peoples' houses.

Put all squirtable food and cleaning/bathroom materials out of reach.

Can you and DH afford to pay for the nearest Travelodge for your friends, then go out a lot while they are here, so it cuts your contact time down a lot?

Cakeycakecake · 11/09/2017 23:58

Crap I'd be sending links to nearby hotels with the following :

Hey, got your message about putting 'nice things away' in preparation for visit and I'm really sorry but it's made me think about the planned visit- to the extent that I realise I'm just not comfortable having the four of you stay. The hotels I've linked are wonderful and close by so we can meet and do activities, but given your dc have so much energy and my dc are that much older and are at an age where they need their space to retreat, we really feel having separate sleeping spaces is needed- I guess we're just not set up for guests like I thought we were. Can't wait to see you though, let us know which hotel you go with so we can meet you for dinner the day you arrive.

Or something similar. Like fuck would these kids be staying at mine with parents who don't actually parent. Mine are 1 and 4 and if either of them did what you describe I'd be embarrassed as hell. The 1yr old getting a slight pass, but certainly not the 4yr old

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