Feeling apprehensive about friends with rowdy children coming to stay !

[36plusandtrying]

Have friends coming to stay in a few weeks and their children are a little spirited ... think throwing toys at walls, jumping all over sofas, standing on chairs at meal times, eating with hands, running over the house refusing to get teeth brushed, running in and out of room at bed time ....we are in a new house and have older children so house not overly kid friendly. Friend has already suggested that I put away my 'nice things' so nothing gets broken .... how do I handle this or is it me that needs to child proof the house ? (Kids 3 and 6)

Still here .... things I have seen are.
One Lego castle destroyed
Toy box emptied all over floor breaking damaging contents
Coffee table books all over floor and being stood on
Water being poured into food
Sticky hands all over walls (ie getting down from table and putting hands straight on to walls
Eating with hands (not finger food, think pasta)
Standing on chairs at meal times
Running jumping on sofas
Cushions throws chucked off sofa all over floor
Teeth being brushed from a cup in the middle of the living room (parent doing it)
Need I go on .....

I had an American friend and her ds stay once. Never again. Nor will I go there even though he's 19 now and they live right on top of Disney lol. Nu uh.

I am shocked, but also wondering if these are mutual friends. They sound like friends of mine who I actively avoid having over.

How long till they go?

Aghast by your update. Have some

When do they leave?

Are parents apologetic?

This happened to us recently and I have resolved to be quite 'busy' for the next few years.

They seem oblivious to it to be honest .... leave Sunday, but heading away for a few days so plan on giving the house another clean after work so I can try to restore order. (And yes their place is a tip!)

Lesson learned op

why haven't you said anything?

I have constantly parent/kids don't listen .... parents response is I know they are just nightmare or they are fine, not doing any harm !!! Came home to stuff moved ... out of reach of the little one !!

How do they not listen?
Look your friend in the eyes and tell her "NO. it is NOT fine - not in this house. Either you discipline your kids or i will!"

Shout at the kids and tell them off/discipline them yourself when they break the rules - guarantee you'll have her attention then!

I had a friend round once with her two kids, they were probably 4 and 7. They went straight up to ds's bedroom and immediately threw every single toy on the floor and emptied his bookcase and threw all the toys around and then came back downstairs again. They didn't even PLAY with any of the stuff they emptied out. They were there for 2 hours and that was long enough

Sounds awful. I hope they are not flying home with Ryanair, you could be stuck with them even longer!!

Look your friend in the eyes and tell her "NO. it is NOT fine - not in this house. Either you discipline your kids or i will!"

^^This.

What incredibly rude, thoughtless people. I honestly don't know why you allowed this in the first place.

Can you cancel? Mine can be rowdy and there's no way I'd ever inflict that on a friend. Its no fun for anyone.

Ah, not read the thread properly. Didn't realise they were already there .

Argh! What a nightmare. When they say 'they're fine' can you not say 'no, they're not I'd rather they didn't do that in my home please'

The lego I wouldn't be too worried about, it's annoying but it's a toy so it can be rebuilt and made fun. Everything else would drive me potty. Why brush teeth in the living room? When you see them going to start just say 'do that in the bathroom please'

They will carry on like this unless you put your foot down!

I told you before upthread about my friends and their feral kids. Cringing now as it made me remember, with pp comments about telling them you'll discipline their kids for them. My friends that stayed got to a point where they asked me outright to discipline their kids because they didn't know where to begin. I'd had absolutely enough at this point, about 24hrs into a four day stay, and obliged. When I told off one of the kids, about 3-4 at the time, the kid flew into a rage and - I'm not kidding - attacked me!! Scratching, biting, kicking and just generally going bonkers in my direction. This is after I'd bent down to her level and said not to do something, calmly and politely. The friend was like..... "erm, that's why I don't tell them off"..... like I said upthread, it ruined the friendship. My normally badass, cool and trailblazing friend was reduced to a snivelling wreck by demons of her own making. The only thing that's stopped me from completely severing the friendship, is that I know she has struggled with her own parents being emotionally unavailable, and very hard on her. This is my only rationale as to why she is scared to tell her kids off. It's gone from one extreme (her own parents), to the other (with her kids). She's scared that if she tells them off, they'll feel criticised and like she doesn't love them. Which is how she feels about her parents. I have tried to sympathise, but the kids' behaviour takes over every time we try and socialise, so it's hard to just separate the friendship from the parenting issues. Ugh

Don't have them to stay. Especially if you have pets, as my small dog nearly died they will have no concept of being kind to animals either unfortunately.

I have told them it's not fine, I've gone down to their level used a firm tone. But also completely lost my shit when I've caught them in the act. Nothing works. Nothing - I've never seen anything like it. Beyond feral !

I do feel for you. It's really hard when you have a friend who you value but you just clash heads when it comes to parenting style. I have a friend with 3 under 5s who is one of my oldest and closest friends but since I've had DD (17m) we've really drifted because we parent so differently. I have learned some things from her, with her being more experienced but some things she insists will 'be fine' I just don't agree with and she gets a bit offended when I ignore her suggestions. She's very into crying it out, tough love, thinks BF is 'weird after 3 months' a total waste of time and 'self indulgent when you have other children to see to'. I couldn't care less how anyone else feeds their babies (my motto is 'whatever works'!) and cuddled my DD to sleep when she was tiny. It may be coincidence that I have an excellent sleeper, and none of her kids go to bed or stay there (it really could be, I'm not being smug I think child sleep is about luck of he draw as much as anything).

Her kids, well they are lovely but they are quite feral! She does tell them off, but she roars at them constantly and I hate it. I don't like taking DD to her house because the shouting scares her to death! I promise I'm not raising a delicate snowflake, I do tell her off but I use a firm, low, stern voice. I've no doubt at some point she'll push me into losing my shit, but I really don't like yelling at kids all the time. It's not my style.

I tend to try and see my friend without kids now. Meals and drinks out where we leave the kids at home with their Dads. We have a much nicer time, I don't get my house torn apart and my DD isn't upset half the time.

Hi OP - i feel really bad for you, for your house and for your inconveniece. Why did you even invite them over if you had such concerns?

I do also feel bad for your friend, she didnt ask to be the subject of judgement from everyone on here, her kids have been called 'ferel' which is (to me) an awful term to brand a child. Maybe she struggling to bring two up as they are close in age. I have two that are 2 years apart (3 and 1) and its hard, my daughter is somewhat 'spirited' and i do try my best to make sure she behaves so i dont get judged by everyone. I sometimes am apprehensive about accepting invites to houses - in case she misbhaves and god-forbid my friend goes behind my back and creates a thread on mumsnet to talk about how terrible my kids are and how bad a job im doing parenting them.

I think OP - in order to save you (and your sanity) dont ever have them stay at your house in the future, perhaps you could recommend a hotel/b&b close by? I hope it gets better soon for you.