Feeling apprehensive about friends with rowdy children coming to stay !

[36plusandtrying]

Have friends coming to stay in a few weeks and their children are a little spirited ... think throwing toys at walls, jumping all over sofas, standing on chairs at meal times, eating with hands, running over the house refusing to get teeth brushed, running in and out of room at bed time ....we are in a new house and have older children so house not overly kid friendly. Friend has already suggested that I put away my 'nice things' so nothing gets broken .... how do I handle this or is it me that needs to child proof the house ? (Kids 3 and 6)

Surely they can see it's not benefiting the children though?! I'm not in a particularly happy marriage but if I could see that much effect on the dc then I'd like to think I would do something about it. The kids will pick up.on tension and play parents off against each other- I'm guessing you're seeing this? They will also feel very insecure and angry.

What a sad situation. Will your dh be home while you're away? I wouldn't even expect to stay with friends if they weren't off work for most of it!

You can tell they are all so detached, little one is lost wandering about constantly seeking attention. Oldest plays up all the time as has never had boundaries. Dad will sometimes try to discipline... but ultimately just wants an easy life. Mum just wants affection from the boys so won't tell them off gets none from her other half (nor does she give any to him) ... it's a mess

Christ that sounds dreadful. Sometimes you are so deep in 'it' you can't see out of it.

The other option is to take over parenting while you're there. Suggest going out somewhere (park, museum?) and just enforce your rules, behave as if they're yours. And talk to them a lot. I have seen badly behaved kids blossom when you engage them in conversation and actually listen.

Ok you cannot cancel, house rules to kids and mum, try and do things out of the house, park, walk, shops etc. Never have them again. Learn to say no, that won't work for me.

I couldn't put up with this. How can you not sit down with both parents and say, "Look, your children are destroying my house and you're doing nothing to stop it"? You are friends with them - while you should be polite, surely to God you should be honest with them, too. Those children will have no friends.

If the parents can't do something to either pull together or separate, they are going to destroy those children's lives and relationships. You can see that - you need to talk to them about it.

I get what you mean about not giving a shit (3 yr old) Mrs Koala. I had a small child who was totally fine at home/ at others houses, until there were other kids to play with. Then he would get this crazed light in his eyes, like he was off his face on something, and if there was rowdy and destructive times to be had, he would have them with bells on!
I spent a LOT of time marching him into quiet rooms and hissing. A couple of times I had to take him home from places we hadn't been at long. I DID do consequences, and no has always meant no, but in his state of hyper excitement he just didn't care.
He can still get carried away, but is much,much better now, so don't give up hope.
Having said this is did used to know a bunch of parents for whom this behaviour was the norm (smearing food into carpets, eating either hands, emptying all the toy boxes, scribbling on walls. .) I know they thought I was a Victorian style parent even though some of the things the OP describes I would find ok (brushing teeth in living room, making sofa forts,moving things away from littlies etc).
Often these things are about your own personal level of tolerance.

That is true, @IfNot, children do often behave worse when there are others egging them on. DD2 in particular behaves beautifully when she's on her own, and DD1 too to a certain extent. But when they're together they really can get up to mischief.

I'd give up talking to the children and start straight-talking to the parents.
And I'd be very straight.

With any luck you can offend them so much they high-tail it off to the nearest hotel.

So @MrsKoala I am not being rude but you have spoken about sn and to clarify neither of your children are diagnosed with sn?

No. And it's not rude at all. My eldest has had ongoing issues since birth which made him 'unusual'. We were referred to paed at 15mo due to sensory issues mainly. Pleads all day he has various issues but fits no box. We are now veering between pda/ADHD/spd or nothing. We've had experts tell us that whiles it's challenging it's all within normal range and others say it's the clearest case of ASD they've ever seen. which is why I always say the 'if it's sn then it's understandable but if it isn't then there's no excuse' opinion is just too extreme on here. My dd may turn out to not be dx but that doesn't mean his behaviour is any less challenging.

We are in the waiting for school to see what happens stage now. But have been told to treat him with the same techniques of pda as that seems to work best.

Thanks for clarifying. I rewrote that about ten times as I was worried about how it came across. I wasn't trying to belittle you.
I was lucky with ds1 who had a Very early diagnosis with asd but ds3 has only just got one now in his teens with the arrival of the dreaded hormones.
I hope you get some clarity soon :)

No worries :)

Just tell them.sorry youre getting stressed about rather than excited about their stay.
And no, dont offer to pay for a hotel for them all. They birthed the kids so need to either parent them or shell out to accommodate them. Or both!

Have they returned now you're back home OP?!

They are back but I'm not yet .... worried about what I will return to !

I don't think a few house rules would be bad.

You can't really dictate to her how she cheeses to parent, or make comments on her kids behaviour. To you it might seem horrific, but we've all had non-compliant DC's. As much as we kid ourselves they're litle angels.

I remember going to a posh restaurant that had family friendly meals. DC decided why use cutlery where a spoon and hands work the same. To say we were mortified was an understatement, we had another family in there whose DC was obsessed with the bathroom, so she was up more than down. The waiting staff were lovely as said DC was eating the food which showed we weren't feral parents.

It's unlikely they'll settle being in a strange environment. As long as DP's look after their DC's & don't take the piss like I've read on here. You're providing dinner, bed & breakfast I assume?

In the future before agreeing give it a bit more thought. You could have work being done, making it unfriendly to smallish DC. You might surprise yourself, enjoy it and get broody.

I've heard that conjunctivitis is going around your area, OP, and it would be wise not to be in confined spaces with other DC for long periods of time because if your friend's DC got infected they might not be able to fly home...

How long are they staying for?

No way would I let them stay again, if I were you. Next time just tell them no, and why.

We survived! !! Now time for the epic tidy up

Much damage op?

Nothing that a big clean, a magic eraser, some baby wipes, a Lego building repair mission and some vanish won't fix ! (I hope)

Did you part on good terms? Did they say "See you next year"?

Yes parted on good terms, not sure if/when they will come back .... doubt it as when the parents asked their oldest if he wanted to visit again, this was met with a firm no (well I did make him cry a couple of times)

You'd have them back?