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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Drug taking

163 replies

FigaroEscargot · 11/09/2017 21:54

I have a friend who I've been friends with for a few years. Recently found out that her husband does drugs as he told me casually in conversation, I don't know if friend takes drugs or not. Aibu to want to end the friendship? We both have young daughters and really despise illegal drug taking of any kind. Professionally , personally and socially I can't be around someone who takes drugs.

OP posts:

elfinpre · 12/09/2017 10:43

I've got a friend whose DH smokes a bit of weed once in a while to be fair. Nothing else though. I'd consider whether a friensdhip should be let go more seriously if there was coke or pills etc and potentially looking after my DC involved.

BeatriceBeaudelaire · 12/09/2017 10:53

Yes you're being unreasonable - she isn't taking drugs. And if it's just weed then I think you're clutching pearls a little. It'll be legalised soon enough.

CoteDAzur · 12/09/2017 11:32

"around 50 mdma-related deaths a year in the U.K."

That just means the deceased popped 1 MDMA (E, ecstasy) along with a tab of acid, snorted some coke and drank loads of alcohol too in the same evening.

"Oh she had just taken 1 E" is very often bullshit, as anyone who works in A&E can tell you.

MiniMum97 · 13/09/2017 22:24

Nothing is 100% safe unless you live your life in a a plastic bubble. You are being ridiculous and wildly overdramatic.

As a previous poster has said if your concern is them dying or suffering a life changing injury then there is more risk of that if you ride horses. And you wouldn't be coming on here saying that a friend had just disclosed to you they have a weekend horse riding habit and you aren't sure whether to stop being friends with them in case you have to tell your child that they died.

This is just as ridiculous.

GetYourRosariesOffMyOvaries · 13/09/2017 22:27

MiniMum97 · 13/09/2017 22:30

Your arguments and thinking don't make any sense. Why are you disappointed in their choice to take drugs as a parent? Why does it bother you that it's illegal? You aren't being asked to break the law. Not so long ago homosexuality was illegal and now it isn't. In some countries weed is legal. It isn't here. Just because something is illegal doesn't make it morally wrong. You should make your own judgements on that, not rely on the law which changes over time and is different in different societies.

MiniMum97 · 13/09/2017 22:38

I worry that a) the parents will come to harm b) long term their health will suffer c) the parents won't be able to function d) that smoking weed and taking pills might be normalised for them, which I think it is already

A) we've already covered this - would you unfriend anyone who rides horses, smokes, drinks, drives a car etc etc etc b) ditto eg smoking drinking risky sports c) given that they gave probably been doing this a long time and you haven't noticed this is very unlikely d) it is normal for a lot of people. And even if it isn't something being normalised that isn't really a problem or more of a risk than other activities people do for fun (as we've covered in a and b) then it's not a problem with is it?

It sounds like to me you have developed a gut response to the taking of drugs. Probably from your past experience and possibly because of negative media coverage and that your reaction has little basis in logic or reason which is why all the logic and reason in this thread won't change your mind.

If you are not comfortable with it then don't be friends. You don't have to be friends with anyone you don't want to but don't try to take the moral high ground over it. Just accept it makes you uncomfortable even if there is no logical reason for it to and so don't want to continue with the friendship.

Ontheboardwalk · 13/09/2017 23:06

figoro Have you spoken to your friend who you don't actually takes drugs?

Original poster

FigaroEscargot · 16/09/2017 22:52

My brother had schizophrenia and comitted suicide. My father is an alcoholic who I've tried to help for years and have had to cut ties. I feel let down that I've got another person in my life that takes drugs.

OP posts:

invisiblecats · 16/09/2017 23:09

FigaroEscargot I'm so sorry for your loss

Mittens1969 · 16/09/2017 23:17

I'm really sorry, @FigaroEscargot, I understand why drugs are such an issue for you. That's just awful.

buckeejit · 16/09/2017 23:21

I can understand you being shocked & even disappointed but I doubt it's on a par with being an alcoholic. It doesn't sound like they're addicted, rather that its recreational, thereby they'd be highly unlikely to partake around dc, whereas an active alcoholic wouldn't admit drinking to you & is likely to put your child at more risk as needs the drink.

Lots moe people are likely to take drugs than you are aware of but if you feel so bad about it then cool off the friendship, otherwise you will start to resent them

AnyFucker · 16/09/2017 23:23

"I have cut out family members due to drug use"

Well, do the same to these people then. Why are you questioning yourself now ?

You either live and let live this shit or you don't. Different rules for different folks don't cut it.

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