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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Drug taking

163 replies

FigaroEscargot · 11/09/2017 21:54

I have a friend who I've been friends with for a few years. Recently found out that her husband does drugs as he told me casually in conversation, I don't know if friend takes drugs or not. Aibu to want to end the friendship? We both have young daughters and really despise illegal drug taking of any kind. Professionally , personally and socially I can't be around someone who takes drugs.

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 12/09/2017 00:43

Does it matter what anyone else thinks OP? You have a problem with it so you decide what you will do.

Piewraith · 12/09/2017 00:49

If you don't want to be friends with them you don't have too. You can not be friends with anyone for any reason. It's completely your choice. It doesn't sound like it will be a big loss for them.

Just say you don't like them though, instead of fake hand wringing that you are worried they will die (as PPs pointed out a million every day activities are way more risky).

Original poster
FigaroEscargot · 12/09/2017 00:51

I like them I don't like that they take drugs.

OP posts:
Original poster
FigaroEscargot · 12/09/2017 00:53

I don't have an ego about it and I'm not any better/worse than them, it's their choice. I was asking if anyone had previous experience of this situation. It's not fake hand wringing because I about all of them.

OP posts:
Original poster
FigaroEscargot · 12/09/2017 00:54

I care about all of them.

OP posts:
justanothernameagain · 12/09/2017 00:56

Say you lived in a Muslim country where smoking weed was legal but alcohol was ilegal.

Imagine a mum friend of yours liked to drink a glass of wine at the weekend.
Imagine a Muslim friemd of yours said they were worried for your mum friend because they know alcohol was dangerous. They said they were worried that she was going to die and that they'd have to explain it to her kids.

What would you say to them? Would you reassure them it was OK coz she's not an alcoholic?

Original poster
FigaroEscargot · 12/09/2017 01:02

I would respect that other people have got different opinions to me. I would expect lots of people would hate the way I live , that's okay they don't have to be friends with me. I'm hoping my friend will respect my feelings about it.

OP posts:
SweetLuck · 12/09/2017 01:03

You're planning on telling her why?!!!

Original poster
FigaroEscargot · 12/09/2017 01:04

I'm not overly worried that someone I know will die! And at some point I will have to explain what dying is. I don't see the point of taking pills that you don't know what's in them when it could wipe you out! I don't can't respect that kind of decision!

OP posts:
Original poster
FigaroEscargot · 12/09/2017 01:05

I think she will ask why I don't want to meet up so much.

OP posts:
Ontheboardwalk · 12/09/2017 01:11

But you don't even know if your friend has ever taken drugs?

Her husband stated what he did but you say he never mentioned your friend?

Has he ever smoked in front of you? Do they look after your DC for sleepovers etc?

Original poster
FigaroEscargot · 12/09/2017 01:13

I would be gutted if my husband thought it was okay to take ectasy. Yes I'm being judgemental of them but I really hate it.

OP posts:
peachandplum · 12/09/2017 01:17

Again, YANBU
I think any parent that takes drugs is unfit and irresponsible.
When you pick up a bottle of wine it most likely wont kill you unless you have organ failure, however every time you take a pill or snort a line you risk death.
How can that be responsible parenting?

Cheby · 12/09/2017 01:21

You can be friends with who you want to, OP. But I think you're being utterly ridiculous and as other posters have pointed out you've completely failed to appropriately assess the risk involved here. You sound uneducated on the subject and you're getting worked up about nothing.

Cheby · 12/09/2017 01:24

When you pick up a bottle of wine it most likely wont kill you unless you have organ failure, however every time you take a pill or snort a line you risk death.

Every time you drive a car, cross a road, get on a plane you risk death. AND you make your children do it as well. How can that be responsible parenting? Oh wait...

liminality · 12/09/2017 01:26

I would have absolutely no safeguarding concerns with what you have described.

If you told me you were dropping our friendship for that reason however, I would be super pleased as you would have made it clear to me you were waaaaay too uptight/unreasonable/straight for me to want to talk to you anymore. And I'd probably feel sorry for you. And you almost definitely wouldn't get any of my jokes, so we probably wouldn't be good friends anyway.
YABU. Definitely leave them alone. Stop harassing this family with your intense judgemental views.

hairymaryquitecontrary · 12/09/2017 01:58

but ultimately it's going to effect their family in some way or another. I don't want to hang around for the fall out of this

It probably won't at all and even if it did it wouldn't be anything to do with you.

Your boundaries are your own business and it's up to you who you want to be friends with, entirely. I do think you should dial back the drama a bit but that;s neither here nor there,

peachandplum · 12/09/2017 02:14

Crossing the road is an essential risk... taking illegal drugs isn't.. so? Your point is invalid?

newdaylight · 12/09/2017 03:22

I wouldn't be worried at all about any safeguarding risks in what you've described, like you I work I safeguarding.

It's really clear that if you look at it factually your argument doesn't really stand up to reason because if you assess the risk its essentially insignificant.

Buy the other thing you say is you hate it. Well that's an opinion and clearly you're not going to be able to suddenly unhate it duo I suppose if that's your opinion and its such a deal breaker you don't have much choice

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 12/09/2017 04:22

I agree with liminality and hairymary.

What you describe wouldn't concern me at all, and I'm a lovely law abiding citizen. Their drug choices are no more likely to affect them (or you), than their decision whether to drink wine or beer on the weekend would.

at "druggies" someone who pops the odd recreational pill and smokes some weed, is far from a druggie.

elfinpre · 12/09/2017 04:49

The thing that bothers me about illegal drug taking is how many people will have died or how many crimes have been committed in bringing you that wrap of coke or pill. Supporting the illegal drug trade is incredibly self-centred. At least with weed I guess it may have been grown in the UK and hasn't been up someone's arse in an airport terminal, but you still don't know the history of it and misery it has caused.

KeiraTwiceKnightley · 12/09/2017 05:28

My biggest problem with illegal drugs isn't the drug itself. It's the trade - specifically applies to cocaine but all drug trades generate huge harm. Self satisfied middle class types thinking I am boring cos I won't shove powder up my nose while not considering how it got to their party - the fear and violence for the farmers in Colombia etc, the terrified mules swallowing condoms full and then getting on planes. And that's before you consider that someone may have vomited or shat out what you are about to snort, or factor in the violence and unpleasantness of the U.K. End of the trade. And other drugs also fuel this trade - less unpleasantly but it is still a hideous thing that far too many people are trapped in/by.

So you keep your party fun and ignore the way it got to you. I'll not indulge, ta.

engineersthumb · 12/09/2017 05:52

I would find it unacceptable because buying these substances is funding serious criminality somewhere which does hurt individuals directly and the community it's within indirectly. That maybe an (unknown to you) user being attacked over payment/robbery or a general increase in people carrying knives but the effect is real. The "harmless bit of puff" is not always so harmless to the community around it as it is to the end user.

awifeyforlifey · 12/09/2017 06:01

YANBU to end a friendship over any illegal behavior. Especially one that you are uncomfortable with. Period.

Sleephead1 · 12/09/2017 06:06

Op its your choice but you have said you have no idea if your friend has ever even taken drugs.