Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Drug taking

163 replies

FigaroEscargot · 11/09/2017 21:54

I have a friend who I've been friends with for a few years. Recently found out that her husband does drugs as he told me casually in conversation, I don't know if friend takes drugs or not. Aibu to want to end the friendship? We both have young daughters and really despise illegal drug taking of any kind. Professionally , personally and socially I can't be around someone who takes drugs.

OP posts:
Dustbunny1900 · 11/09/2017 23:13

I think as long as they behave responsibly when guests are over and around their daughter and they don't drive, it's non of your damn business

justanothernameagain · 11/09/2017 23:14

I can't see how taking ecstasy and smoking weed can be 100% safe 100% of the time for either parents or children.

It isn't.

A list of things that are not safe 100% of the time.

Driving
Drinking alcohol
Riding a horse
Climbing a mountain
Crossing the road
Wearing pyjamas
Sleeping in your own bed at night

NOTHING is safe 100% of the time. The trick is to manage risk so you don't lose out on living because you're hiding from the world, nor are you taking ridiculous risks.

Ecstacy and weed are not particularly risky activities compared to, say alcohol. Indeed, the tobacco that many people smoke with weed is riskier than the weed - as it's highly addictive and about half of all smokers die from smoking-related diseases.

Would you defriend someone for smoking?

Original poster
FigaroEscargot · 11/09/2017 23:17

I don't have any friends that smoke. But smoking isn't illegal.

OP posts:
Original poster
FigaroEscargot · 11/09/2017 23:19

I'm not adverse to risk, I very much like pyjamas! I'm really disspointed that it's their choice, I am worried about them as a family.

OP posts:
justanothernameagain · 11/09/2017 23:19

The point is to get other people's viewpoints and opinions to see if there is anything which I am missing. I don't think there is

Yes the point you're missing is that these drugs, in moderation, are not nearly as dangerous as you think they are.

No one is denying that they can be dangerous (as can many other things, including some that seem mundane) - just that you have it out of proportion.

justanothernameagain · 11/09/2017 23:20

I am worried about them as a family.

What are you worried about exactly?

Original poster
FigaroEscargot · 11/09/2017 23:21

I didn't post to insult anyone. Family history is completely separate to actively choosing to take drugs as a parent.

OP posts:
YetAnotherNC2017 · 11/09/2017 23:21

Doesn't bother me personally.

I went to private school where class As were considered the norm. Moved into a naice area and my middle class neighbours liked to get the Coke out at weekend parties.

One of my closest friends is a very rich and successful partner in a law firm, 4 kids, and enjoys Coke and amphet...

I don't do it personally but as long as it isn't around me or my kids, or affecting me in any way, then it doesn't bother me really.

It would bother me if they died, but that's the risk they run.

Original poster
FigaroEscargot · 11/09/2017 23:23

I worry that a) the parents will come to harm b) long term their health will suffer c) the parents won't be able to function d) that smoking weed and taking pills might be normalised for them, which I think it is already

OP posts:
BoysofMelody · 11/09/2017 23:26

Deaths per annum from ecstasy is on a par with people meeting their death from falling off a ladder in the home. I hope you've searched their shed for a potentially lethal stepladder. For someone who claims to assess risk in their work, you're spectacularly crap at it in your private life.

Also, I doubt he's getting off his face on pills in his living room whilst everyone is gathered around for breakfast on a Saturday morning or at a family BBQ.

Original poster
FigaroEscargot · 11/09/2017 23:28

I don't claim to assess risk at work, I do. I don't think as a parent taking drugs is probably a great idea and can see that it might have a knock on effect for the children too.

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 11/09/2017 23:29

What is your "risk assessment" of smoking a joint at the weekend OP? How does it compare to having a drink?

BonApp · 11/09/2017 23:31

Just because they've mentioned they have popped the odd pill or had the odd joint, it doesn't mean they are going to do either of those things whilst looking after your children. In the same way that someone who Maybe like the odd wine/beer is unlikely to get rat-arsed when their kid has a sleepover!

There is a whoooole range of usage on the drug-taking spectrum. If you like(d) these people before and trusted them before I don't think this knowledge of the drugs should change anything.

But only you know what is right for you.

BoysofMelody · 11/09/2017 23:32

Yes the point you're missing is that these drugs, in moderation, are not nearly as dangerous as you think they are.

Exactly this, an occasional toke on a spliff is not a short cut to lying facedown to lying in a pool of your own vomit on a piss stained mattress in a shooting gallery in a squat.

I am worried about them as a family.

Given that they appear to be functioning quite well, you appeared surprised they used drugs occasionally suggests it isn't problematic or effecting their ability to parent. I would suggest your concern is condescending in the extreme.

justanothernameagain · 11/09/2017 23:35

I worry that a) the parents will come to harm

Either you are worrying about every low level risk this family are taking - in which case you need to get help for anxiety - or you are blowing the risk out of proportion. It's not particularly risky.

b) long term their health will suffer.

Yes, you should be worried about if he is are smoking tobacco with his weed. There is a significant chance it'll kill him if he smokes tobacco regularly.

The weed is less of a problem. The ecstacy - unlikely to harm him unless he's doing it a lot.

c) the parents won't be able to function
If they're doing these things away form the kids it should be fine.

d) that smoking weed and taking pills might be normalised for them, which I think it is already.

I would say they probably are. How does this affect you?

Original poster
FigaroEscargot · 11/09/2017 23:35

I'm don't mind it being condescending. I don't want to be nasty about it, it's just how I feel towards it.

OP posts:
hardhatfirmlyon · 11/09/2017 23:36

You sound like a barrel of laughs OP, I'm sure they'll be well gutted to lose your sparkling wit and repartee...still, rules are rules..

However, I can't imagine this dad will be handing out glowsticks & planning a rave whilst he has other people's kids over for a sleepover, your reaction seems a little OTT to me.

justanothernameagain · 11/09/2017 23:38

In the UK Citizenship test one of the questions was - what proportion of UK citizens have taken illegals drugs?

I thought it was a pretty bizzare question to include, but there you go. Would you like to hazard a guess what the answer was?

Zool69 · 11/09/2017 23:39

For fucks sake, what an overreaction.

If they were doing pills whilst looking after kids, that would of course be a very bad idea. But doing them when it's appropriate, on a night out when not looking after kids - how can you have an issue with that?
As other people have said, the risk of dying is extremely low. Yes, people die, but the number of people compared to the number that take them is insignificant. People die from bee stings and dog attacks - do you avoid flowers and gardens? What about driving? Far more dangerous than taking a pill.

BoysofMelody · 11/09/2017 23:39

I can't imagine this dad will be handing out glowsticks & planning a rave whilst he has other people's kids over for a sleepover, your reaction seems a little OTT to me.

If he's been on the weed it could be worse, he could be exposing innocent young minds to prog rock or free jazz.

hardhatfirmlyon · 11/09/2017 23:39

And yes, people are different and joking aside they clearly aren't your sort of people - but maybe dial down the judgement, realise it is very unlikely to be affecting their parenting and is really none of your business. It would be a shame if something like this (which your child won't be affected by or aware of) would upset a friendship between the kids.

Original poster
FigaroEscargot · 11/09/2017 23:40

Yes I'm boring, I don't do drugs.

OP posts:
hardhatfirmlyon · 11/09/2017 23:41

Ooh ooh ,, is it 31% justanothernameagain?

justanothernameagain · 11/09/2017 23:43

The answer when I looked at it last (about 10 years ago) was 45% .

I just googled it , and the most recent answer I can find (from the official UK Citizenship Test anyway) is this from about 10 years ago

Q: Current statistics indicate that half of young adults, and about a third of the population as whole, have used illegal drugs at one time or another - if sometimes only as an experiment.

option 1:TRUE
option 2:FALSE

A: TRUE

I can't find a more recent version I guess maybe they decided not to advertise how many of us have taken drugs!

It's a normal part of our culture, even if it is relatively hidden.

justanothernameagain · 11/09/2017 23:45

hardhatfirmlyon that's a very exact answer Grin

Is that a more up to date stat from somewhere maybe?

Swipe left for the next trending thread