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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go on a date with someone who works in a shop

750 replies

therealbridgetjones · 11/09/2017 20:54

A friend of mine is trying to set me up with a friend of hers. I don't know much about him other than he is my age and works in a shop. He lives at home with his parents (early thirties).

I'm in my late twenties. I'm intelligent, have a career, earn above average and have my own house. I've lived away from my parents for about ten years and am completely independent.

I've worked in retail and to be honest it made me work bloody hard at university because I didn't want to end up back there!

My friend seems shocked and calls me snobby because I don't want to go on a date with her friend. She thinks I'm a gold digger but this couldn't be further from the truth! Her argument is that it's about the person and not their ambitions etc but surely this is a part of a person? I'm attracted to intelligence, ambition and independence.

So AIBU to not consider a date with this person?

OP posts:
QueenMortificado · 12/09/2017 21:47

Is it okay to not date someone because of their height?
i've read many a thread on MN with women saying they wouldn't date a man that's less than 6ft tall.

I think it's fine not to date people you don't fancy / those below a certain height but there was a thread about it that went exactly the same way as this

Ie "you're all shallow fucking bitches"

JasmineOill · 12/09/2017 21:52

^Is it okay to not date someone because of their height?
i've read many a thread on MN with women saying they wouldn't date a man that's less than 6ft tall.^

I think it's fine not to date people you don't fancy / those below a certain height but there was a thread about it that went exactly the same way as this

Ie "you're all shallow fucking bitches"

Exactly.

Italiangreyhound · 12/09/2017 21:58

Justaboy you sound very kind. Smile

HelenaDove · 12/09/2017 22:17

And an example of why ive always preferred older men.

BadLad · 12/09/2017 22:49

My guess is he spends a lot of time on an Xbox with a hand in his pants.

Probably not at the same time. Just about all games are unplayable unless you use both hands.

RaincloudOfDoom · 13/09/2017 00:11

Is it okay to not date someone because of their height?

It's okay to not date someone for any reason. It's just unkind to tell them you consider them undateable because of something they can't change.

bestfakesmile · 13/09/2017 00:17

You choose who you date, end of. You don't even need a reason. Nobody else's business.

ballestief · 13/09/2017 08:31

They're rude because they're bitter. They think so highly of themselves yet wonder why they're still single

I'm not single. I'm married to my childhood sweetheart doncha know?

ballestief · 13/09/2017 09:19

And you still think it's a bad thing for a woman to think highly of herself. Your internalised misogyny is showing, and it ain't pretty!

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 13/09/2017 09:31

I really can't imagine any men I know telling a male friend go on one date you might get on you may end up really liking her if he said she didn't appeal to him

It's the underlying attitude women should be grateful for male attention and more so the older they get and men should be pandered to

xxMsZxx · 13/09/2017 09:49

I wouldn't go on a date with a man who still lives with his parents. Like the OP, I value independence. Maybe he's working in a shop whilst studying at university. Either way, he shouldn't be relying on mummy and daddy to keep a roof over his head at his age!

ballestief · 13/09/2017 12:53

But the judgement and nasty things that have been said about people just because they work in a shop is truly shocking to me

No idea how you are shocked because nobody has made any nasty comments about people who work in shops at all.

PollyPelargonium52 · 13/09/2017 16:02

I wouldn't go out with him either.

HelenaDove · 13/09/2017 16:25

ballest there have been posts on here saying that people working in shops arent working hard.

Laughable especially with what retail is like in the run up to, during, and just after Christmas.

An MNer posted on here last year about a relative of hers who worked for Next who had to work until midnight on Christmas Eve and be back in 3 am on Boxing Day.

Its totally up to the OP who she dates. What people are objecting to is the denigration of shop workers and there has been plenty of it on this thread.............likely from people who expect shop workers to give up their Boxing Day and serve them when they want to hit the post Christmas sales.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 13/09/2017 16:29

HelenaDove has it spot on.

HelenaDove · 13/09/2017 16:38

e.g. Im childfree by choice i wouldnt date a man with young children (unless he was a proper all hands to the pump dad and didnt expect a woman to do the majority of the work as soon as they started dating)

But i wouldnt then go on to denigrate parents and call their children brats and i wouldnt start moaning about over population.

Its perfectly possible to choose not to date someone without denigrating the choices they have made.

ballestief · 13/09/2017 19:09

ballest there have been posts on here saying that people working in shops arent working hard

Is that shockingly rude and judgemental? It's not exactly the night shift on a paediatric ward, is it? And anyway, they said working part time in a shop is not working very hard.
Which it isn't.

If you find that shockingly nasty then you really need to get out more.

ballestief · 13/09/2017 19:11

ballest there have been posts on here saying that people working in shops arent working hard

Actually they said working part time in a shop is not working hard. And retail work, it's not exactly a paramedic night shift or a city teacher working hard, is it?

If you find that "shockingly nasty and judgemental" then you really need to get out more.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 13/09/2017 19:23

Is that shockingly rude and judgemental? It's not exactly the night shift on a paediatric ward, is it? And anyway, they said working part time in a shop is not working very hard.
Which it isn't.

Yes, it is. Don't be a twat.

QueenMortificado · 13/09/2017 19:25

Oh come on, working in a shop IS NOT hard work. It just isn't. It may be tiring being on your feet all day but it isn't mentally challenging or emotionally draining the way some other jobs are.

Especially not doing it part time

ballestief · 13/09/2017 19:26

Wow. What would happen if somone actually said something rude? You'd die of shock!

CrizzleMyShizzle · 13/09/2017 19:29

Depends on the shop really doesn't it? A branch of Next on Boxing Day (aka the seventh circle of hell) = very hard work indeed. Working part time in a hardware shop = not especially taxing really.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 13/09/2017 19:35

or emotionally draining the way some other jobs are.

It can quite easily be emotionally draining.

ballestief You are one of the rudest people I've ever come across. I'm embarrassed for you right now.

ballestief · 13/09/2017 19:35

A branch of next at pretty much any other day of the year as well though...it's just not particularly hard work.

That's not denigrating it or being even slightly rude, it's just the truth of it.

ballestief · 13/09/2017 19:36

ballestief You are one of the rudest people I've ever come across. I'm embarrassed for you right now

Gosh. You must be housebound? I'm a very nice person and haven't been at all rude.

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