To not go on a date with someone who works in a shop

[therealbridgetjones]

A friend of mine is trying to set me up with a friend of hers. I don't know much about him other than he is my age and works in a shop. He lives at home with his parents (early thirties).

I'm in my late twenties. I'm intelligent, have a career, earn above average and have my own house. I've lived away from my parents for about ten years and am completely independent.

I've worked in retail and to be honest it made me work bloody hard at university because I didn't want to end up back there!

My friend seems shocked and calls me snobby because I don't want to go on a date with her friend. She thinks I'm a gold digger but this couldn't be further from the truth! Her argument is that it's about the person and not their ambitions etc but surely this is a part of a person? I'm attracted to intelligence, ambition and independence.

So AIBU to not consider a date with this person?

On paper you don't match, but why does your friend think you'd get on? Is it because you're both single or is there more to it?

Look at the Colonal from KFC, he was in his 50s when he made his fortune

The KFC colonel is a real person???!

There is no such thing as The One.

Yes, there is. Shame you haven't found yours.

I have found one of the few

The KFC colonel is a real person???!

That's exactly what I was thinking!

I though he was a character like Ronald McDonald.

"Kidlorne, those circumstances you listed don't make the situation any better. OP would still be paying their way and that would wear very very thin"

Not necessarily, and besides my comments were addressing the assumption that anyone who works in a shop and lives with their folks must be a unambitious loser, which is patently not true.

I agree with you Kid. But it still doesn't make them an atttactive dating proposition

The founder of KFC.

Ronald McDonald is The One for me.

A successful business owner. Snappy dresser. Good circle of friends. Plus he could feed me nuggets all night long.

Colonel Saunders father died when he was young and he worked from the age of ten to support his younger brothers and sisters.
He worked very hard, often travelling, full-time.
I feel this guy is no colonel Saunders, he is more of a Ronald McDonald.

Some people are not bothered about lots of money, some like op are.

I have found one of the few

Well that's good, everyone deserves someone

Unfortunately he died over 30 yrs ago...

However, why should that stop anyone!

It's good the op isn't keen, means there is less of you to fight over him.

Op wants different things to this man, fair enough, she has every right to aim high, hopefully this man will find someone who sees the good in him and who is less money orientated. Just because he works in retail, does not make him less intelligent . Do you know some people with degrees work in retail or menial jobs, so that they can have money coming in, whilst looking for the right job.

I don't think it's as clear cut as you are making out OP. Is he working in retail because he wants to it/I'll health/unable to secure employment in his field due to personal issues or lack of employment opportunities.

During the recession I had so much admiration for the people who did all sorts of work, a lot of which they were overqualified for but they wanted to work at all costs.

Then there are people who just don't really want to take on a serious role, have a poor work ethic etc and personally I wouldn't want to date this type of person.

There is another type who dreams of getting into their dream line of work. I briefly dated a poet who never had money and although a nice enough guy, I'd never have been financially secure enough to have a child with. My friend lives with a musician and has given up all hope of ever having a family (which is what she wanted) because of his lifestyle and again financial insecurity.

I think you could give him one date, suss him out and decide then once you know his backstory.

Just because he may not go to uni, does not make him unintelligent, there are various forms of intelligence.

Your being a snob. Don't go on a date with him if you don't want to, but don't try and justify the reasons.

Some people are not bothered about lots of money, some like op are

There is a difference between lots of money and earning below the bread line and not being able to support yourself financially. The op didn't say she wanted a rich man. But wanting one who can financially support himself and live independently from his parents by his early thirties, isn't really some form of horrifying concept.

I think you could give him one date, suss him out and decide then once you know his backstory

Why? The mutual friend who knows him well has already said it's simply lack of ambition and he's never left home. I'd accept that and swiftly move on by.

Wild rose, I'd do this if I ever found myself in that position no question but I wouldn't consider my circumstances an attractive proposition for a suitor

Lack of ambition or drive is a biggie, he is working part time, so that would make it hard for him to support himself independently. With op, he could end up being a cocklodger, from mum looking after him to op, that is not what she wants, I would not want that.

Not BU not to go. It's up to you who you date. But it's a shame to write someone off for such shallow reasons.

I also would wager other people's opinions of you and your career are nowhere near as high as your own.

Ah did the friend say it was solely lack of ambition, I only read the opening post. I've been in that position (much younger) and haven't dated for the same reason. People have to be compatible in many ways.

You don't have to date anyone for any reason whatsoever. However, to base his personality on his job alone is ridiculous.. I mean, you do shop right? What would you do if no-one worked in them? It is extremely snobby to bin even the idea of meeting someone purely on the type of job they have. You won't even give a chance to get to know maybe why. I guess everything must be quite black and white for you..