To not go on a date with someone who works in a shop

[therealbridgetjones]

A friend of mine is trying to set me up with a friend of hers. I don't know much about him other than he is my age and works in a shop. He lives at home with his parents (early thirties).

I'm in my late twenties. I'm intelligent, have a career, earn above average and have my own house. I've lived away from my parents for about ten years and am completely independent.

I've worked in retail and to be honest it made me work bloody hard at university because I didn't want to end up back there!

My friend seems shocked and calls me snobby because I don't want to go on a date with her friend. She thinks I'm a gold digger but this couldn't be further from the truth! Her argument is that it's about the person and not their ambitions etc but surely this is a part of a person? I'm attracted to intelligence, ambition and independence.

So AIBU to not consider a date with this person?

I'd be put off by the fact he still lives with his parents tbh & is in his 30s.

He could be the boss!

But YANBU to not want to date him, because you are a terrible snob who seems to think she's a cut above because you are intelligent and don't live at home. Well good for you. Leave him to someone who will judge him for who he is and not what he does.

Also, retail doesn't equal thick or lack of ambition.

I think you are being a real snob. I met my partner in retail and while I no longer work there after graduating uni, he does admitally he is now in management after working his way up. He is one of the most hard working, kindest people I know and it saddens me people would look their nose down on him just because he works in a shop.

There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to date people of a similar status in life to you. It does not make you a snob.

You don't have to date anyone you don't want to. It's your life.

But there's nothing wrong with working in a shop in your thirties, or indeed at any age! The world always needs shop workers - look down on him all you like, but if you buy things, you rely on people to work in shops.

You can't use a service while looking down on those who provide it.

The living at home with parents bit would put me off far more TBH.

Sure. With all that intellect and ambition. Of course that's ok.
Lucky break for him. And at least your friend gets a good look at you as you really are. Hyacinth.

Meh, my DP worked in a shop for 15 years.

Well, turns out he was managing a family business, but still, he was working in a shop.

He's one of the kindest, most intelligent, compassionate, and amazing people I've ever met.

Yabu to not even meet the guy.

It's not any one factor alone; maybe the title is misleading. I'm not belittling shop workers, I have been there. It's just the combination of living with parents and not being ambitious (my friend admits this) that I don't think is compatible with me.

I don't know how to make her see that this is a reflection of a persons personality.

Each to their own. There's no point in wasting yours and his time.

Also he doesn't work in management. He works part time hours.

I don't think there is any harm in knowing what you want. You don't owe anyone a date just because you know their friend. It might be different if you met him more organically, ie friend invited you and him to the same party / BBQ etc so you might feel an attraction, but literally all you have to go on is what she told you. I'm not sure what you have against retail, but 'lives with parents' would make me wonder 'in what capacity?'. And just becauseI don't have anything against a particular line of work, it doesn't mean you can't!

Surely if you're going to commit to an evening with him you'd want to know a bit more that that anyway? What was her sales pitch? Just "he's a thirty something heterosexual male who works in retail and lives with his parents?" I'd want some kind of reason why he was a better bet than the next swipee on Tinder, or indeed an M&S ready meal and season 3 of House of Cards on Netflix.

I'm so glad I went out with someone who works on a shop. He was doing it to fund his MSc. Company director, employs 60 people now, 6 figure salary. Did I mention I married him? - back in the day when we early £23K between us. I married him because he's a lovely chap, and intelligent. Who happened to work in a shop.

What kind of shop is it?

I need to know!

You can always turn down a date for any reason you choose.

Any reason at all.

@ Justherefor

very witty

And yes OP - you are a snob to judge someone on their job. He might be gathering material for his Booker Prize winning novel, or he might be a stand up comic on the side etc etc

Peter Kay had a lot of minimal wage jobs before he became famous (and was living at home with his mam), but I would guess he's quite intelligent -

If you don't want to go out with him that's totally your choice, but to decide that he is unintelligent and unambitious because he works in a shop is snobby. Why couldn't you have just said he's not my type, don't fancy it etc? No need to look down your nose.

I wouldn't go out with Peter Kay either.

Clearly you have issues with someone working in retail and also not owning their own home . So as you have prejudged the person leave it. Let them find someone who knows the true meaning of love. (Which is unconditional) and accepts them for who they are .

All I know is that he is single and this is his job. He works part time hours and lives at home still. No he isn't studying.

I'd take stupid but sexy over Peter Kay any day of the week.

No offence, like

Fair enough. You should only date people you want to date. But frankly, it sounds as though he's the one who'd be having the lucky escape. And I have to say that the people I know from my last retail job were far more intelligent (and in most cases better-educated)than the ones I knew from my training in one of the professions, and while they weren't necessarily ambitious in terms of placing a high value on income, they tended to be far more creative and entrepreneurial.

YANBU. I wouldn't have gone out with someone who didn't have similar career aspirations to me. DH was a skint student -
we both were - when I met him but he had ambition.

I don't have issues with anyone not owning their own home (as I already live in mine). But I don't find it very attractive that the guy hasn't ever had the independence to move out.