To judge this woman?

[moralberyll]

Leaving the local maternity unit today and a heavily pregnant woman who is obviously a patient as she was wearing a dressing gown, slippers and pyjamas was standing right near the doorway smoking a cigarette, there is a big sign up saying 'no smoking on campus'. Aibu to judge her that she is not only putting her own baby at risk but she wants to put other people's baby's at risk from secondhand smoke as well? I would definitely have said something if i were leaving the unit with my newborn baby!

I'm a non-smoker, but I do wonder if we take smoke aversion to the extreme relative to other proven risks around us. Firstly, I agree smoking is bad and amongst many things, a proven carcinogen.

However, I can walk past the whiff of a naughty smoker, get on a diesel bus and sit in traffic...daily. Back home I open a tin of beans not worrying too much that the plastic lining may be an oestrogen mimic and affecting the gender of my unborn baby. I pop open a bottle of wine and have a glass (because that's now ok if you are pregnant), but it is also a carcinogen when metabolised.

I think that risk is every where, but some risks are more popular than others.

I agree with the OP. When I was undergoing fertility treatment and had to go to the women's hospital it used to make me so mad to see pregnant women smoking outside the doors when me and other women were going there trying desperately to get pregnant and here were people openly disregarding their child's health. It may be your choice to smoke but it's not the baby's.

Agree with you OP that 'mother' is a shithead!

Going back a bit 2009 but I will never forget it whilst on the maternity ward at the local hospital when I had my first baby the lady oppersite abandoned her new born on the ward to go 2 floors down and outside just to have a smoke numberous times during my 3 day stay! My husband and I often wonder what became of the baby it was so upsetting, the first time it happened the baby was crying so the nurse came in and we told her where the mother had gone she just rolled her eyes 😢 She hadn't even asked a nurse or someone to watch the baby for a while just announced she needed a fag and walked off leaving the baby there on its own !

Wouldn't care if I had known "her situation" no smoking on campus means no smoking. The smoker didn't know other peoples' situation and cigarette smoking may have adversely affected them. Cigarette smoke actually makes me nauseous, sometimes sick even just walking through a cloud of the smoke outside. Can't even tolerate the smell off smokers especially in a lift. YANBU.to judge smoker would judge you if you had commented.

her body her choice
But her body is meant to be a safe environment for her child, and a child is meant to have a mum who puts baby's needs ahead of hers

But her body is meant to be a safe environment for her child, and a child is meant to have a mum who puts baby's needs ahead of hers

Obviously that's the ideal situation but it doesn't change the fact that women are not incubators. Theit bodies are entirely their own to do with as they wish.

BackieJerkhart here here 🤗

You don't know she hasn't just found out the baby won't survive or something similar. Whilst in normal circumstances I would agree with you, unless you know, can't really judge.

I find the question odd. I smoked when pregnant. I wouldn't have cared if you judged me, how would it possibly affect me?

We get judged every day for everything we do/wear/say in public. It's just one more thing.

Dusty and Can't my heart goes out to both of you. I have also been there and having been told my baby no longer had a heart beat, asked if I was a heavy smoker and the given the drugs to induce labour before going home past all the heavily pregnant smokers outside made my heart rip out further. After doing everything, every damn thing, to ensure the safety of my baby and then to deal with the gut wrenching unbearable loss, to see others taking that safety so lightly made it all seem so very very unfair.

PurpleDaisies
how true - incubators would have no feelings towards a baby or concern for its health and wellbeing - a mum is not meant to be just an incubator

The law or rules don't apply to some people [hmmm]. I work in an NHS building, (children's centre) and the amount of Mums who smoke in "forbidden" areas and all over their children is outragous. I too, hate seeing pregnant women smoking. But what can you do? If you say anything you're likely to get a mouthful of abuse or worse!

Not your problem and none of your business. YABU

Dianag111
That is so sad. I am sorry that your family has suffered so much. Other families with smoking parents don't suffer those consequences so perhaps your family were predisposed to this particular cancer?

Sign up saying no smoking. Therefore, no one should be smoking there. Judge all you like yanbu. But it won't stop people doing it.

DIANAG Hugs.lots of them.xx

Yanbu and you are, all at the same time.

Yanbu to expect people to obey signs stating that there's no smoking in that area. Yabu to judge the woman for smoking in general. I stood outside a hospital (away from the doors, and there were no signs to say smoking was prohibited) to smoke when I was in labour with my daughter. I had been told 4 days earlier that she had passed away. Didn't smoke through my pregnancy until I received the awful news. You wouldn't have known that just be looking at me. Never judge a book by its cover.

Yabu for judging anybody.

I've read enough harrowing stories on this thread alone to stop me judging anybody.

Mnhq when can you stop the posts from people who have come to this site because of the daily fucking mail.

As much as I think pregnant woman are selfishness and vile for smoking while pregnant, YABU, I won't and will never condone a law that states a woman has to pass ownership of her body over the the government while pregnant

No , of course that is the trump card for these utterly selfish women. "It's my body and you can't do anything about it"

Of course it's her body. Yes, the baby is dependent on her but it's entirely her decision about how to behave

And be as clueless and selfish as she wants.

To all those people that want to judge me for it or the woman outside the hospital, I'd say look to yourself rather than others

Had a look- never smoked, didn't drink at all during my pregnancy.

I can judge pregnant smokers if I want to and I do- especially if they spout sanctimonious justifications for it.

Exactly Lass you are spot on there!

It's tough because if the whole hospital grounds are non smoking, where are smokers supposed to go? Some people are in hospital for days, weeks or months.

I'm a non smoker and hate smoking, but you have to be realistic. The hospital just putting up a non smoking sign and washing their hands of it is a bit pointless.