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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To judge this woman?

492 replies

moralberyll · 11/09/2017 18:42

Leaving the local maternity unit today and a heavily pregnant woman who is obviously a patient as she was wearing a dressing gown, slippers and pyjamas was standing right near the doorway smoking a cigarette, there is a big sign up saying 'no smoking on campus'. Aibu to judge her that she is not only putting her own baby at risk but she wants to put other people's baby's at risk from secondhand smoke as well? I would definitely have said something if i were leaving the unit with my newborn baby!

OP posts:
RazzleMazzle · 12/09/2017 18:00

Oh FFS, are you serious? We ALL know it's bad but your newborn is NOT going to be at risk for 1.5secs of secondhand smoke. Grow up and stop being so judgemental. Your baby is probably at more harm from the pollution of the hospital car park...

sniggy01 · 12/09/2017 18:05

Not sure how she is putting other peoples babies at risk if she is smoking outside.
I actually think it is appalling that a pregnant woman in her nightmare has to stand outside. She is going through a really traumatic experience and should be given a facility to smoke.
I totally understand she is harming herself and possibly her baby but if she is in hospital she is either in labour or unwell and I think it s up to the medical staff to assess her smoking.

MamaDeeGee · 12/09/2017 18:12

Our mat hosp has one entrance/exit and even though theres a designated area to smoke they all stand bang outside the door,

KimmySchmidt1 · 12/09/2017 18:14
  1. shouldnt be smoking when pregnant
  1. shouldnt be smoking at a health facility where there is sign next to her saying no smoking.

if she is human, she can hold herself to better standards than that. I don't see why people can't judge her for bad behaviour.

falange · 12/09/2017 18:16

Of course you're not being unreasonable. You can judge who you want, when you want and about anything you like. Your choice.

LilaBard · 12/09/2017 18:19

I work in a hospital. The entire site is "nonsmoking". People stand in front of the signs and smoke. I work on the ground floor and can't open a window without setting off my asthma.

Fudgefase · 12/09/2017 18:20

Yes, she's wrong of course, but think next time you're in your car going shopping - are your fumes harming other people's kids? No one is perfect.

Whatamesshaslunch · 12/09/2017 18:22

Her body her choice? It's not her body though, is it? It's the baby's.

Carriecakes80 · 12/09/2017 18:24

My best mate lost her baby at 8 months...she had given up drinking completely, given up smoking, given up red meats, done everything perfectly, but when she found out that she had lost her much wanted baby, we sat in the parking lot of the hospital, her in her dressing gown, red eyed, and we got through 20 Embassy in about 2 hours. She broke. So of course you are allowed to judge, no-one can ever stop you, and usually a judgement is passed before you can even stop yourself, however, do stop and think once you've judged, as there are a myriad of reasons why you might see someone smoking/drinking, and they might not be the ones you know.

PurpleDaisies · 12/09/2017 18:26

Her body her choice? It's not her body though, is it? It's the baby's.

If course it's her body. Yes, the baby is dependent on her but it's entirely her decision about how to behave.

Geordie1944 · 12/09/2017 18:33

I am an ex-smoker, and we are usually the worst when it comes to tolerating smokers. That said, some of the more sententious posts on this thread make me sick. In particular whoever it was wrote this pompous, condescending arsewipe:

Perhaps she hasn't had a lot of good fortune in life, (maybe a lack of education, poor background...) and doesn't really appreciate - or care - what a poor choice she is making. I think when people lead sad and difficult lives, things like cigarettes can be a real emotional crutch that can be so difficult to get rid of.....

If there anything more emetic that that kind of self-regarding virtue-signalling masquerading as compassion, then I have yet to come across it.

Atenco · 12/09/2017 18:37

Not good to smoke during pregnancy but don't exaggerate. My mother was a heavy smoker during her pregnancies and in the house as we were growing up and we are all in our 60s and 70s with wonderful health.

CoolCarrie · 12/09/2017 18:38

Drinking alcohol is far worse for an unborn baby than smoking.

Ecureuil · 12/09/2017 18:41

Why do people think that anecdote = data?

Babynut1 · 12/09/2017 18:42

YANBU!!
I judge all smokers, pregnant ones and ones who smoke around children even more so.

I just look and wonder why anyone would want to do it in the first place, it looks ridiculous, absolutely reeks😷
Why the hell would you want to smell so bloody awful! And let's face it you've got to be pretty stupid to start in the first place!!

I'm not generally a judgemental person but smoking and drug taking really grip my shit. Having to dodge around fag butts, especially when you find one on your Carpet because it's stuck to the soles of your shoes, and having to hold my breath in bus stops, hospital entrances, just because people opt to take up a disgustingly vile habit!

Epik · 12/09/2017 18:43

"she wants to put other people's baby's at risk from secondhand smoke as well?".

Which is of more risk to other people's babies? Two seconds walking past someone smoking or (for instance) 10-20 minutes being pushed past a near static traffic jam on a main road. Every day. The anti-smoking obsessives are really over the top these days (I don't smoke).

I doubt whether she actively wanted to put babies at risk, addiction is a really complicated thing and it is unreasonable to judge without knowing the circumstances.

alltouchedout · 12/09/2017 18:44

Her body her choice? It's not her body though, is it? It's the baby's.
Her being pregnant does not make her body any less hers Hmm

OP, yanbu to judge her though (I don't get this 'don't judge others thing. I judge people. I expect to be judged by people. It's fine, it's normal, and as long as people aren't insisting on imposing their judgements on others what's th problem?)- although you would BU to make your judgement known to her, I think.

MuvaWifey77 · 12/09/2017 18:45

Op are you that bored and bothered about other people's lives that you have to post about how unreasonable it may be to be judging someone who has no affiliation to you whatsoever. Honey go ahead and judge. yes it's bad, I never smoked in my life never would and yes any 5 year old would know it's outrageous to be doing that whilst pregnant and standing right next to the NO smoking sign .
Is it any of your business ? No.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 12/09/2017 18:49

As much as I think pregnant woman are selfishness and vile for smoking while pregnant, YABU, I won't and will never condone a law that states a woman has to pass ownership of her body over the the government while pregnant.

purplecorkheart · 12/09/2017 18:50

Thankfully, all my local hospitals here are banning smoking within hospital grounds. You have to go out the gate patients and visitors. Patients are offered nicotine patches etc. It annoyed me when my dm was receiving cancer treatment and to leave her treatment centre she had to walk through a wall of smokers standing in the doorway.

maxrayeseth123 · 12/09/2017 18:54

Matthew 7:1-3 Judge not, that ye be not judged.

valeview · 12/09/2017 19:03

Previous contributor said people may say 'her body, her choice', but it's not her babies choice... or the people walking by. I used to smoke, so I know how unaware smokers are of the nuisance of drifting smoke... it travels a damn sight further than you know, and can be choking and very unpleasant... something I NOW know as a non smoker of 20 years. That mother obviously felt no shame at all, and my God, isn't that the way society has gone? People forcing their unborns to have nicotine and Carbon monoxide in their systems, and people look away.... perfectly fit people using their mothers blue badge to park where they like, even when Mother is not in the car, people throwing litter out of cars, or on the street... and no one says anything.... well I DO!

Lollyannelorna · 12/09/2017 19:05

I stopped smoking while pregnant with my angel boy, after em c section I went for a cigarette and got stopped by one than one person, asking when baby was due and lady tried to give me a lecture about how harmful smoking is for baby, she got a hell of a mouthful from me as my lb had just died, please don't judge!!

PencilsInSpace · 12/09/2017 19:14

Geordie1944, you may find that post 'emetic' but the poster is basically right. ASH do a good briefing on smoking and health inequalities if you're interested.

To judge this woman?
To judge this woman?
To judge this woman?
Gottagetmoving · 12/09/2017 19:19

Not good to smoke during pregnancy but don't exaggerate. My mother was a heavy smoker during her pregnancies and in the house as we were growing up and we are all in our 60s and 70s with wonderful health

Same here with my mother...and father...Four of us are all fine in our early 60s and 70s....but I wouldn't recommend it...We must be lucky.

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