I do everything you do and work...

[Chocolatecookiesandmilk]

Aibu to think this line is ridiculous. I hear/read it a lot in regards to sahms. It just doesn't make sense to me, life isn't either you work or you don't, there are so many other factors - the amount of kids you have, how much your partner works, if you even have partner, your mental or physical health, the amount of support you receive, if you have someone to help with childcare, if you are a carer on top, if you volunteer etc etc........

I think the difference is, for a SAHP whose kids are at school, then you fill your time with what you choose. You can be as busy as you like and do what you like.

Working parents HAVE to spend a large proportion of their time at work. They may enjoy their jobs or not. Generally though, it's not activity that they would CHOSE to spend so much time on. They then have to squash their chosen activities around working. And do necessary chores and admin

For parents who HAVE to work and particularly single parents, the comparison is ridiculous. And crass

YABU. I work

I have lots if friends who are sahm's

They have more time than I do, as I fit in all my housework, cooking, shopping & admin after hours, whereas they do this during the day while their DC are at school.

For parents who HAVE to work and particularly single parents, the comparison is ridiculous. And crass
But herein lies the crux of the matter. You can't compare and you shouldn't. There will always be someone worse off than you and there will always be people better off than you. I could be a SAHP disabled single parent who can't work for all you know. Your statement does not account for individual circumstances.
The original OP was about people who say "I do everything you and work..." as a blanket for all SAHP. This is categorically not true as it does not take into account circumstances whether they be by choice or necessity.

Ima single working mother with a pre-schooler and I have a chronic pain condition. Do I win? . Seriously though this thread was always going to go one way. Whenever someone starts a thread about SAHM/Working mother it's exactly the same. Why do we always have to put women in competition with each other? I find fitting everything in and carrying the mental load of looking after DD, paying bills and running a home to be exhausting. However, I find being at work during the day easier than entertaining a 4 year old all day.

Because they are not attacked for being lazy.

Yeah they get attacked for using childcare for their children instead.

I'm insanely jealous of all the wohp on this thread whose houses aren't trashed. My d's manages to create as much chaos after I finish work as when I'm home all day. Difference is I can clean along when I'm at home all day.

It was never meant to be a comparison thread, who has It harder etc, it was meant to point out that it was non comparable. I guess that it can only ever go one way despite the meaning of this thread because of the amount of mums with a chip on their shoulder.

I just think its insensitive. Now Im at home not doing anything, I wouldnt say I am stressed to a wohm/wohd

I'm a SAHM and I think that makes both mine and my DH's lives easier than if I had a paid job. DH would never argue that he does everything I do and more, because he doesn't. When we both worked, pre-DC, we split all household jobs between us. But that was significantly easier logistically, and a significantly lighter load than since DCs arrived. Now we have toddlers, so whilst DH is out earning money I look after them- taking them to play groups, the park, out for walks etc, reading to them, playing with them, providing stimulating activities etc, feeding them... Around this I meal plan, do the food shopping, do all the cooking, do any family admin, do all the laundry, do the cleaning etc.

If I went back to work now and put the DCs in childcare then I wouldn't be doing everything a SAHM does and working because I would be outsourcing the childcare I currently do myself and splitting chores with my DH. At the moment, whilst DH is at his paid job, I pretty much take care of everything else so that we have the maximum amount of free time at weekends and in the evenings. If I was WOH then we would both have to use weekends and evenings to do some of the chores I do in the day. So between the two of us we would be doing all the household chores of a SAHP but minus the rather crucial all-day childcare element. I imagine we would both find this more tiring than our current set up, but neither one of us would be doing everything a SAHP does and more. Barring LPs, surely a lot of WOH mums have help from a DP so that they aren't personally doing all the daily childcare, laundry, meal planning, cooking, cleaning, family admin, food shopping etc after work?

The weekly WOHM vs SAHM thread!

The thing is everyone has different circumstances. I was speaking with a woman down the road who was bragging about her dd's wonderful job she does with two small children. Bully for her. Because said woman does full-time childcare for her. I have never had one second of family help and dh has the sort of job where he is often away and comes home about 8pm on a normal day.

It is depressing that one is nowadays seen as some sort of lazy anachronism as a SAHM. On ds's university form I had to list myself as "unemployed". Ds suggested I put "retired" but no thank you! On various government forms I see I am "economically inactive" which is a complete lie as I'm very economically active - I'm just off to Waitrose!

YABU, I DO do all the same as a SAHM if you're talking upkeep of the house, which is never tidy because I have less time (and less inclination after working 8-9 hours), paperwork, sorting bills out, appointments, sorting stuff out for the schools endless Dress Up days and engagement activities, washing, ironing, cleaning, cooking, food shopping, sorting the kids out...........

I dont understand why some people see it as a competition - my life is harder than yours - its all subjective isnt it? I found SAHM an absolute dream, my house was immaculate, I had oodles of time to get all the above stuff done. Now I only have a quarter of the time to do it all in, as well as working 8-9 hours a day. I imagine there are some SAHM who are struggling with it all and envy me as much as I envy them. What I dont like though and find quite insulting is when someone trots out "oh but at least you get a break" - umm......no, Im working, Im being paid to do a job, not have a break, just as you are doing a job, in terms of breaks I probably get the same, half an hour to grab a sandwich while being talked at, 5 mins to go to the loo while being mithered on the way, a few mins to make a brew...while........being......mithered (then it goes cold - as do SAHM's brews )

I actually wonder sometimes if we're all doing that British thing of seeing that someone is envious, and playing it down....but then it turns nasty........"don't be jealous of me being a SAHM, its the hardest job in the world because I have to do this, this, this......I'd love to have a job......" "well, definitely dont be jealous of me, I have to do all that as well as work........."

But the fact is, in terms of 'stuff to do' - SAHM and WOHP have equal amounts (IME anyway), so yes, YABU, I DO do everything SAHM do, and work. But it's not a race to the bottom.

It's not VS or comparing the 2. It's that there is no comparison cause life is different for everybody. I give up.

I woukd chocolate

Most people aren't replying to your OP

it's not VS or comparing the 2.

so why start this thread???

What kind of person says this stuff in real life?

Most SAHPS end up doing a larger proportion of housework/household/child related stuff (and possibly taking more time over it). Where parents WOTH often the workload is shared more equally.

If a WOTH parent is doing everything a SAHP does AND working they need to be having words with their partner, not slagging off other people's life choices.

I work btw.

To point out that the line "I do everything you do and work" is ridiculous because the 2 aren't comparable because everyone's lives are so differentginger

alittlemop I bitter one that isn't happy with how their life planned out I guess.

I get your op. I have no support, no family help, dh working long hours working starting at 4am, lots of children, disabled/sn child, intensivr volunteering post etc, so maybe I am coming from that angle and that is why right now I do feel this is easy.

It does make me feel lazy though and then I try and do lots of extras to justify being a sahm as I feel bad for it.

It does make me feel lazy though

Don't

My youngest is 17 and I work only 15 hours a week. I do the bulk of the housework but have plenty time to go to the gym most days, meet friends, walk through the forest, potter in the garden.

Oh shit I didnt read the op properly.

See, thats what happens when you work AND try to do everything that a SAHM does ::::::::::::runs:::::::::::

Sorry OP, YANBU, obvs, I enjoyed my rant though!

I think it's just my personality,caille. I have just finished my second degree and I am already planning what to do next! I always feel like there is so much I want to do in life, I want to do it all at once!

But the fact is, in terms of 'stuff to do' - SAHM and WOHP have equal amounts (IME anyway), so yes, YABU, I DO do everything SAHM do, and work. But it's not a race to the bottom
which is never tidy because I have less time (and less inclination after working 8-9 hours),
GahBuggerit
But don't you see you have totally contradicted yourself in those two statements. Your house is never tidy because you work yet you do all the same stuff so it should be tidy?!
This discussion isn't (or shouldn't be) about who has it harder. It is simply accepting that our circumstances dictate that we live differently.

truerainbow- but it's about balance.
I need time to myself, I need exercise, time to meditate and smell the flowers.
If I worked full time my life would be less pleasant.

I do all that. I do yoga twice a week and lots of exercise, see all my friends. Always in local forest, beach, national trust membership. I couldn't do my type of career without lots of down time.

one thing that hasn't been mentioned much on here is the mental load, which is something that doesn't really go away or even reduce much for a WOHP, no matter how much they contract out childcare/cleaning etc. This is the thing that I find harder as a part-time WOHP - keeping all the plates spinning in my head.
And I imagine harder still as a full-time WOHP.