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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don't sleep with your phone off if your children are elsewhere

559 replies

eslindanunez · 10/09/2017 07:51

Have been up all night with a vomiting toddler. I live on my own with her and her dad sees her once a week on a Sunday. She started throwing up about midnight last night and carried on doing so for a few hours. We cosleep so the bed was covered in sick, so was I, so was much of the bedroom and the living room and she needed a few changes of pyjamas so that in itself was quite difficult to deal with it as she wouldn't let me put her down. I tried calling and WhatsApping her dad to ask him to come over so that he could at least hold her while I changed the bed and had a shower and just for moral support ( was quite worried as she's never been sick before) but his phone has clearly been turned off as the messages haven't even been registered as read. That's still the case now at nearly 8 AM. Am I being unreasonable to think that if you're somewhere other than where your children are (he also has two other children from a previous relationship) that you don't just turn your phone off and go to sleep? Because things happen and obviously this wasn't even that bad but it could've been a lot worse! I can't imagine being away from DD and not having a means to be contacted should something happen.

OP posts:
insancerre · 10/09/2017 07:54

Yabu
It doesn't take 2 people to deal with a poorly child
Especially, given that the other parent lives elsewhere

LittleBooInABox · 10/09/2017 07:55

I'm sorry your little one is ill, and yes your ex was being a bit unreasonable turning his phone off. Maybe he forgot to put it one charge and it run out of batteries. Has he not a landline for emergencies?

However asking him to come over to help at that time of the morning is a bit... odd.

scaryteacher · 10/09/2017 07:57

This is why landlines are useful....it doesn't matter if your mobile is off.

Dh was frequently uncontactable due to his job when ds was little. It's alarming when toddlers are sick, but you learn to deal with it.

TheHungryDonkey · 10/09/2017 07:58

Is he your ex or do you live apart? I've never thought that I should call my daughter's dad in the middle of the night when she's been ill or sick. It's just one of those things you get on with so YABU

Expemsiveuniform · 10/09/2017 07:58

I assume she was just sick? It's not life or death you've not had to do a hospital run?

If he had his other kids for example would you have expected him to leave them?

I put my phone on silent overnight. Otherwise I get no sleep. I have 6 munbers that come straight through but other wise things get dealt with in the morning.

I don't have a landline so I rely on my mobile phone.

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 10/09/2017 07:58

Gosh, what a horrid nght for you both. I agree with you though, her father is still her father despite not living with you.
In this case it does sound like you could have used the help of a second person, the PP above must be Superwoman.

Original poster
eslindanunez · 10/09/2017 07:59

Insancerre I'm curious how you go about changing a bed off all its bedding and putting clean bedding on, changing yourself of sicky clothes and getting dressed again and scrubbing sick off two carpets while holding a crying vomiting child in the other hand. I managed to get the bedding off but that's it. I'm obviously not as amazing as you Hmm

OP posts:
Booboobooboo84 · 10/09/2017 07:59

Yabu to call expecting him to come over. If this is something you have done in the past he may be deliberately screening calls and messages.

Yanbu to have some way of contacting him in an emergency. But you may need to define what an emergency is

Original poster
eslindanunez · 10/09/2017 07:59

I've never done it before for any reason

OP posts:
MrTrebus · 10/09/2017 08:00

But he is your ex? He has no obligation to be at your beck and call. I can see why you called someone but it Should have been someone, anyone else. You would let your ex know she was ill but you shouldn't have expected him to come round. YABU. But I hope your little one is ok Flowers

HeartStrings · 10/09/2017 08:00

Your ex is in the wrong. I agree with you with the fact that he should keep it on if his child is elsewhere.
If an emergency were to ever happen and DC needed urgent medical assistance for example then how is he supposed to be contacted if he's turned his phone off?

Expemsiveuniform · 10/09/2017 08:01

Oh forfucks sake. It was a bit of puke it wasn't nuclear war.

Set her down. With a basin. Let her howl for 10 mins while you clean the worst.

Seriously? If this is the drama over a bit of puke I'd dread to think how you're going to cope with anything really dramatic.

Original poster
eslindanunez · 10/09/2017 08:01

No he wasn't with his other kids last night and I would t have expected him to leave them. Whilst his help would have been massively helpful last night obviously we both survived. I was more thinking what if something bad had actually happened? There is no way that I would turn my phone off just in case something really bad happened

OP posts:
Original poster
eslindanunez · 10/09/2017 08:04

someone, anyone else but he's her dad? Wow I was expecting people to have different opinions but I'm actually shocked that people think he has no responsibility to help at all. If I'd had someone else here to help then I wouldn't expect him to come and help with puke

OP posts:
abacuss · 10/09/2017 08:05

So you do all the care pretty much and he drops by for a weekly visit?

I'd expect any parent to be available for emergencies these days with mobiles and 24/7 connectivity - what if she'd been in a hospital?

It's for the two of you to work out what counts as an emergency - only you know your dynamics and what works for your child, so you should talk about this when he's back in touch.

He might feel sorry anyway when he wakes up, hopefully he'll fix it himself.

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 10/09/2017 08:05

He is Op's ex partner not her DD's ex father.
OP has had a really shitty night, mumsnet is becoming more and more devoid of compassion.

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 10/09/2017 08:05

X posts op

Birdsgottafly · 10/09/2017 08:05

When my DDs ex has her DD, she switches her phone off, so she can get a much needed decent sleep.

He messages her complaining about lack of sleep. I keep mine on, so if there is an emergency I can go to hers (five mins away).

My DH worked away, so you've got to learn to deal with it.

It will save you much angst if you accept how he is and get on with it. It isn't worth building resentment about it.

HopefullyAnonymous · 10/09/2017 08:06

YABU. It's part and parcel of being a single parent unfortunately. By all means ask him to take her today/tonight so you can rest, but expecting him to come round is very odd Hmm

I'm sure it was a hideous night, I've been there, but no reason why you shouldn't be able to cope!

Expemsiveuniform · 10/09/2017 08:06

If something really bad happens and you can't get him he will have to live with that.

Dramatising small things like a bit of a puking session won't help you

abacuss · 10/09/2017 08:07

Yy hoof.

Sparklingbrook · 10/09/2017 08:08

Mobile phones are a wonderful invention but before they were invented people somehow managed.

I too would have put the vomiting child down, single parents must have to do this stuff all the time.

Expemsiveuniform · 10/09/2017 08:09

Do people seriously expect a parent to be available 24/7 at the beck and call of an ex? That's totally unrealistic and unfair and could be used (not saying the op is doing this) as a controlling tactic.

I go out with my mates and my phone is on silent in my bag. I might check it when I get home or I might not.

If there's an emergency I expect my ex to deal with it appropriately and I'll pick the message up whenever

What I don't expect is him to ring me and ring me and text and Whatsapp over something incredibly minor wanting me to drop,everything and come round.

jeaux90 · 10/09/2017 08:09

If you are separated with defined contacts times then you ABU.

I'm a single parent and coped many times on my own with a sick child. It's hard but you have to manage.

He's not at your beck and call.

RatRolyPoly · 10/09/2017 08:09

I agree with you about having his phone on OP, but maybe it's just a one-off and he forgot to charge it? Loads of people charge phones overnight.

Some parents would want to know if their child was ill in these circumstances - even in the middle of the night - and some wouldn't. I don't know your child's father, but if it isn't accidental that he turned his phone off I suspect he is the latter!