To think you don't sleep with your phone off if your children are elsewhere

[eslindanunez]

Have been up all night with a vomiting toddler. I live on my own with her and her dad sees her once a week on a Sunday. She started throwing up about midnight last night and carried on doing so for a few hours. We cosleep so the bed was covered in sick, so was I, so was much of the bedroom and the living room and she needed a few changes of pyjamas so that in itself was quite difficult to deal with it as she wouldn't let me put her down. I tried calling and WhatsApping her dad to ask him to come over so that he could at least hold her while I changed the bed and had a shower and just for moral support ( was quite worried as she's never been sick before) but his phone has clearly been turned off as the messages haven't even been registered as read. That's still the case now at nearly 8 AM. Am I being unreasonable to think that if you're somewhere other than where your children are (he also has two other children from a previous relationship) that you don't just turn your phone off and go to sleep? Because things happen and obviously this wasn't even that bad but it could've been a lot worse! I can't imagine being away from DD and not having a means to be contacted should something happen.

I can't afford a landline, why would I want another mobile what would that achieve?

If you are an absent parent and you insist on turning off your only means of contact at night, you can buy a pay as you go phone for as little as £5 to leave on. This can be for emergencies only so won't be pinging at night or keeping you awake.

It's common sense to ensure you have a means of being contacted when your dc are in someone else's care.

All schools and nurseries will insist you provide an emergency contact. Why expect police or other family to go out of their way to get hold of you if it was urgent.

The OP is getting a seriously hard time here. What happened to being supportive? Some of you are being downright mean. Why on earth is it wrong to want her child's father to pitch in and help occasionally? I understand that it's unrealistic, but I can also understand that in the middle of the night it's downright depressing to realise you don't have anyone you can call on to help

THIS!

Realising you have to make important decisions and have full responsibility of your child with no one to turn to is anxiety inducing for some of us. Other people may be absolutely fine right from the off but for others it's not that easy and just being able to talk to someone for comfort/reassurance during those times can be a massive help.
I've been doing it for years by myself now and am more confident in my own abilities of dealing with various emergancies etc but right at the beginning I was second guessing everything, is it just a sickness bug? what if it's something more? is he dehydrated? should I take him to be checked over? does this rash look like something sinister? ... and then of course - what if it IS something and I do nothing because I don't think it's something then that responsibility is all on ME!

I've been a single parent to kids and I've had no help. And I've been one for a very long time. My ex does his share but only his share as laid out legally and no more.

How would I be able to move on and develop a life of my own if my ex could yank my chain every time I was out? How could I go out with friends and get tipsy or at least over the limit so I couldn't drive if he was able to phone and demand I appear at his for some spurious reason? How could I have a new relationship if I had to have my phone on and pinging 24/7?

Oh for goodness sake give over people.
OP has never had to deal with an ill child covering everything in sick before. Bed, her, carpets etc. Its worrying when they continue to puke and you wonder where it's coming from there is so much.
It's perfectly natural to want a bit of help to care for your daughter from her father. I wouldn't like to think how many times threads have been ful of people saying parenting is a partnership and dads have just as much responsibility as mums but when people get the chance to prove they are super woman it's kick the op time, who need men time.

OP judging from the little contact her dad has I would forget the idea that he is going to be much help in the middle of the night.

This was your first time and it was a bit overwhelming. You will soon learn how to cope on your own. Get a cheap washing up bowl from pound shop to keep for sick. Old towels in bottom of cupboard and few bin bags.
Sit dd on an opened out bin bag with the bowl once she has stopped being sick so much and start cleaning up.
You will find out what works for you.

Yes we all learn to cope as single mums and dad but it's never fun or easy dealing with sick kids and to pretend it's a walk in the park and that op is being feeble is ridiculous. A bit of empathy never cost anything.

What happened to being supportive?

Being supportive didn't equal agreeing.

*doesn't

Yabu and yanbu.

Dd was 3 when she was rushed into hospital after a febrile seizure. In a week as they couldn't work out what was causing her temp to spike. Ex dp couldn't be arsed to call back until 3 days later to find what the issue was and why he had had 27 missed calls and numerous txt messages asking him to get in touch.

But yabu to expect him to come and help. It's horrendous when they are sick. Best advice with a vomiting child is take them off the bed if that's where they are and sit them on a blanket or quilt or towel with a sick bowl if possible. Wait until they have finished that vomit session. Strip child and probably yourself and have a shower or bath. Bundle sicky stuff up in a bin liner or empty wash basket. Get dressed, in as few clothes as possible because it will come again.

Then cover sofa or bed with towels and sheets. And the floor around where you are sat. Easier to wash linen than scrub beds and sofas and carpets.

And all you can do is wait for it to pass.

The Posters (myself included) who are saying it's best that she just get on with it, aren't "being harsh/cunts".

We've all had times, or seen friends have times when they are eating themselves up with resentment over the lack of help that they get, which is damaging for them and their children.

If it's a DP, get rid. An ex/Mother/Family accept that you can't rely on them and you feel a lot better about things.

You focus on how well you are doing and get a sense of pride, rather than feelings of anger and bitterness.

Expem if a person has a difficult ex, they're controlling or abusive then no you're right, providing a means of 24 hr contact wouldn't be advisable.
It would have to be emergencies only. Most reasonable adults would understand and respect what that means.

Hi ES

I haven't read the full thread just your responses.

Well done for getting through this. It's not easy to clean up with a sick clingy child. It is frightening when they projectile vomit. The thing is now you know you can do it.

The likelihood is your daughter will probably want to stay with you today but if not try and get some sleep.

I think I would have been tempted to jump in the bath with lo. I hope she continues to feel well today.

An emergency phone is a good idea as long as the other person isnt controlling and is considerate.

I don't keep my phone on at night because it will bing with random messages and emails all night.

I think yabu. Yes it's hard, I've had to do it being a single parent from DD's birth. Several incidents of sick every where and multiple bed changes in the same night when she was young. A bit older and there was an incident of baked beans spewed up all over the hall way carpet and wall. Just because it's hard and you need support doesn't mean someone else has to give it you unfortunately.

Hope she feels better today and you both manage some sort of nap

Yes, YABU. Sorry, I don't mean to sound nasty.
I am a single parent to 3 children, and even when I wasn't my then husband used to work away during the week, before mobiles even existed, without a contact number.
The situation you described isn't an emergency. Tough and difficult to deal with, but really just part and parcel of being a parent.
In the case of a real emergency then call the emergency services. If the other parent has to be contacted, then contact a family member or friend and ask them to go round there. Even the police can help out in this kind of situation.

It would be nice if her father was the type of person to be prepared for you and DD to need his support at any time and happy to come and help when needed.

It isn't a due to expect it though. Yes, it's hard being a single parent. I've been there and been in tears when I was so desperate for help when there was none coming. It makes you stronger though OP and getting to that point when you can care for your DD well without the reliance on other people makes you feel you can do anything. You're in it together and it will make your bond stronger.

Hope she is better today and you manage to get a bit of rest/sleep.

I sincerely hope that the people bashing me have had to deal with a multi-room hours-long sick explosion on their own otherwise you're being unfair

what a charming post

Sorry you had to deal with your first night of sick OP, it is horrible, but YABU. I wouldn't even call my husband (who is a very hand-on dad) if he happened to be away but could be home within an hour or so.
It's horrible when they are sick (try with 3! at the same time, somehow I always have one who escapes), but you get used to is (somehow) and become more efficient.

Grab child, put in blanket so doesn't freeze, next to bucket or whatever you find, grab all dirty linen before sick goes in duvet / mattress, throw in bath with your dirty clothes, put towels all over bed for next explosion, but keep comfortable for child, clean child and put clean clothes, lay child down, and if you are lucky you can clean yourself a bit before next sick.

No one is saying it's easy, and to be honest, when you have 3 being sick at the same time, and a toddler is doing is best to be sick in bucket, it breaks your heart and you are in tears and throwing up too ( but maybe it's just me ). Just don't panic, prioritise, washing the laundry can wait until tomorrow, or you can rinse and throw in washing machine when they are asleep if you have a minute.

I would only call an other adult if one needed hospital or I was seriously worried about their condition.

You've had some very unsupportive totally unsympathetic and critical comments OP at time when you're tired and had rotten night. I'm sorry you've had crap night and must be tired.
I think I'd have done the same as you but I very much co-parent with kids dad and he lives v close. I also know if it was big vomiting he'd want to know and to help (as would I) and as neither of us has any family we are used to helping each other out - if available. Sometimes it's just no possible , for example last night I was At wedding out so would have been useless.
For your ex sounds like he gets nice couple hours Sunday with your DD and none of the hard work of being a parent. (He won't get the rewards either). I very much hope you tell him he needs to take her for most of day so you can nap and rest and clean up. Sounds like you need a break. And maybe it's time to ask him to step up and be more of a parent. Hope you have other supportive folk around you that you can call on.

As a parent, I agree, if you're apart from them, you should be contactable in some form or another.

But this is your ex partner.

I speak as a single mum of two young children. I would not be ringing my ex to come and "help out"

Yanbu to expect him to be contactable in an emergency but this isn't an emergency. My DP doesn't leave his phone on overnight because previously his ex would've called for stupid reasons such as this. Even if you haven't in the past, perhaps he knows you well enough to know you would and therefore doesn't want to take that risk. Or there could be a multitude of reasons why he couldn't answer. DP and I camp frequently and we don't always have phone signal, it doesn't mean he doesn't care if anything happens to his DD but he trusts that his ex is capable of dealing with it now, just like she would trust he's capable of dealing with it.

It's awful dealing with a puking child (been there done that got the t-shirt on my own) but you are being a tad melodramatic. You've already been given some excellent advice. Even together parents don't always help each other. DP and I do help each other if it's a weekend but if it's not a weekend then we'd deal with it alone. PP are right that he's not at your beck and call. And seriously, though it feels awful you can just put DC down and them scream/ cry it out for 5 mins whilst you try and clean a little.

Hope the sickness improves soon and you both get some rest

Some mean people on here this morning...yes, it was a bit of sick, but when you've never experienced a vomiting child before, you're on your own and everything is covered in it, it's awful!! I'll admit to calling grandparents at some ungodly hour when I was on my own in a similar situation. Especially at night it makes it feel twice as bad. So I do have sympathy for you OP it's not a pleasant experience. Hope she's feeling better today. Is there anyone else, other than your ex who could be on hand if you need help in the night again? It can be a scary and isolating time.

YABU, mainly because it surely makes more sense to wait until the vomit has stopped and then start the clean up project. The bed can wait.

IMO YABU. My DH and I lived in the same house when DCs were little and I wouldn't have woken him up when they were being sick. WHats the point of two people having a disturbed night?. You clean up the sick child, put them on the floor/chair/ a towel on your own bed while you strip and remake the bed, put them in the remade bed and repeat as often as necessary.

Obviously it would be different if she was so ill that an ambulance was needed, I would have woken him then but otherwise I think most people would just get on with it. As do most widows and widowers/partners of armed forces on deployment etc.

All that being said, I am glad she is feeling better today. As someone else suggested today should be a lazy day in front of the tv for both of you. And of your DD likes it a little cold stewed apple or apple sauce is very good for soothing and settling upset stomachs.

Reading the title of your OP I thought that you meant something along the lines of if your DC are at a sleep over you shouldn't turn your phone off, which I totally agree with but in your case your ex doesn't live with your child 6 nights a week.

It must have been very frustrating not getting hold of him but he may have been out, ran out of charge, been overnighting in an area of no coverage etc and you can't really expect him to be on alert in this way.

I hope that your DD is better today

Sorry your daughter was so poorly Op, it is hard dealing with it by yourself but people cope. I have a phobia of vomiting so when I became a single mum I was very anxious about the dd's becoming ill. It has happened a few times, the first time I called ex asking for help and he refused as he didn't want to catch it, since then I have never bothered to call him for anything, the dd's have even been to Hospital and I have not told him, I just deal with it.

I would have chucked toddler in bath, strip the beds, chuck it in the washing machine or a black back, clean up the best you can, cover bed in towels to catch any more vomit and just ride it out. It's no fun but it's not often it happens, when she stops throwing up you can do a bigger clean up and then catch up on sleep.

Random tip; Keep washing your hands! The last thing you want is to come down with a vomiting bug yourself.

OP it's really hard dealing with a sick child especially if it's in the middle of the night and you are tired on top of everything else.
This wasn't an emergency though and unfortunately it won't be the last time you'll have to manage stuff like this.
I wouldn't have got my DP out if bed for this if DD had been ill and I would have been annoyed if he'd woken me if he had have been the one to have her.
It was horrible but you managed and you'll manage again.
Hope she's better today and you both have a nice quiet easy day.
I would speak to your DP though about leaving his phone on for emergencies in case anything really bad ever happens.