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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you don't sleep with your phone off if your children are elsewhere

559 replies

eslindanunez · 10/09/2017 07:51

Have been up all night with a vomiting toddler. I live on my own with her and her dad sees her once a week on a Sunday. She started throwing up about midnight last night and carried on doing so for a few hours. We cosleep so the bed was covered in sick, so was I, so was much of the bedroom and the living room and she needed a few changes of pyjamas so that in itself was quite difficult to deal with it as she wouldn't let me put her down. I tried calling and WhatsApping her dad to ask him to come over so that he could at least hold her while I changed the bed and had a shower and just for moral support ( was quite worried as she's never been sick before) but his phone has clearly been turned off as the messages haven't even been registered as read. That's still the case now at nearly 8 AM. Am I being unreasonable to think that if you're somewhere other than where your children are (he also has two other children from a previous relationship) that you don't just turn your phone off and go to sleep? Because things happen and obviously this wasn't even that bad but it could've been a lot worse! I can't imagine being away from DD and not having a means to be contacted should something happen.

OP posts:

InspMorse · 10/09/2017 08:33

I suppose after last night you now know that your EX, (who 'sees your DD for a couple of hours every Sunday') isn't a hands on Dad & isn't available for moral or practical support.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 10/09/2017 08:34

Being up a mountain with no reception is a bit different to purposefully switching off your phone every night when you live round the corner.

Expemsiveuniform · 10/09/2017 08:35

He's not you though. And he's not going to parent like you do.

He might not want (if he had her overnight) to contact you if she was only puking. He might think you need the sleep it's only a vomit and he can deal with it.

Costacoffeeplease · 10/09/2017 08:36

If something bad happened YOU would want to know, perhaps he wouldn't

He's not exactly dad of the year as it is so I don't know why you're expecting him to be

Expemsiveuniform · 10/09/2017 08:36

I but I chose to go up a mountain and have no reception. Just as much as he "chose" not to have his phone on.

Suppose my kids are with their dad and I go away for the weekend with my new partner. Something happens like a vomit. Am I expected to vine home at once?

Catch a grip. It wasn't life or death it was a puking session. That's all.

I hope she feels better soon.

Gorgosparta · 10/09/2017 08:36

Why would you want to know she was sick?

If he has her overnight he should be responsible enough to clean it up and put her back to bed. Its part of parenting and you should let him do that.

Why doesnt he have her overnight?

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 10/09/2017 08:37

Honey, you survived your first hideous sick bug! Well done, you will look back and laugh I promise you.
Yes, he should be contactable if something serious DD is ill/accident happens but he doesn't sound very involved in his DD's life. Realistically, how much help would he actually be? Do you have anyone else in your life who could be the person you ring in emergencies?
Some good tips on here about prep and planning etc and I think you know (all too well) that your DD can only really rely on you. Who do you have for support?
I hope today is much easier for you both.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 10/09/2017 08:38

I sincerely hope that the people bashing me have had to deal with a multi-room hours-long sick explosion on their own otherwise you're being unfair

Yes I have in fact DST have both been sick at the same time whilst my DH was out if the country.

Your ex is a hands off dad. He sees them only for a few hours on a Sunday. You can't expect him to be at the end if the phone all the time.

gingergenius · 10/09/2017 08:38

Been in this situation and I'm a single parent of three. Middle of the night help isn't a given unfortunately. Sorry your toddler was poorly. It is stressful and exhausting but you'll get through. Best to have a convo with ex(?) to ensure he keeps his phone on and agree in advance you can call on him if the same happens again in future. He probably wasn't ignoring on purpose and no everyone keeps their phone on at night. My ex doesn't.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 10/09/2017 08:38

I'm sorry your getting some harsh replies OP, just no need for some of them.

I'm afraid I think YUBU, as much as it isn't nice, you really dont need 2 people, also you risk spreading the bug to others.

Posters have given loads of practical tips, so hopefully when it happens again, you will be able to manage more.

SandyDenny · 10/09/2017 08:39

Seeing your child for a couple of hours a week isn't co-parenting.

I wouldn't expect the ex to be available 24/7 nor would I expect to be if it was the other way round.

If he's so little in your life I'm surprised you would want or expect him to get up in the middle of the night to help you. What use is someone who's been woken up and told to come round going to be anyway?

Hope your DD's better soon

blackteasplease · 10/09/2017 08:39

I expect to be able to keep my phone off at night during ex's contact time.

I was very annoyed with him for wanting to call me at midnight early after we split and that he suggested it should be on.

Undisturbed sleep is for me the best thing about him having contact time! But I guess this is partly because of him and calling when it's not a good reason. This was "child in slight pain needing calpol".

Original poster

eslindanunez · 10/09/2017 08:40

Ok thanks everyone, going to try to get some sleep now although dd is very awake so it's unlikely!

Would it be a bit evil to forget to mention that there's still some puke on the sofa when ExDP comes round this afternoon to see her and fancies a sit-down?

OP posts:

insancerre · 10/09/2017 08:41

Top tip
If your child pukes on your hairdryer, np matter how much you clean the outside, you will always be able to smell the pukey smell every time you dry your hair
Except it will be a heated, pukey smell
Just bin it

Ellapaella · 10/09/2017 08:41

If he can only be bothered to see his daughter for a couple of hours a week then he is certainly not going to be relied on to come running over for any kind of emergency, he's hardly Mr reliable and devoted father is he?
It's tough being a single parent (I've been one) but feckless fathers will never live up to any kind of reasonable expectation so you may as well forget it.
Sounds like you had a crap night, I do sympathise. Do you have a family member that can come over today and look after DD so you can get some sleep?

user1485166754 · 10/09/2017 08:41

Who turns their phone off at night anyway regardless of having children?!

SootSprite · 10/09/2017 08:44

OP, I'm afraid you're being a bit PFB about this. After the first vomit you should have got a bowl or something, if the child was still being sick then you just cover the area with towels until they stop. It sounds like you panicked, understandably. We've all been there. You'll know better next time.

Your ex doesn't need to always leave their phone on, what if they are ill, out, in a reception blackspot etc etc. And as for your melodramatic comment of 'I'd need to know but I guess not everyone is like that', with respect, get real. If you are this over dramatic about lots of things then I can kind of understand why he turned his phone off.

But you're tired, you've been up all night with a poorly child, so i hope you don't take my comments as being harsh. Have a quiet day today, nap if you can. Hopefully it's just a little bug and she'll feel better today.

Expemsiveuniform · 10/09/2017 08:44

I do user. I put it on dnd otherwise it wakes me with notifications flashing up

I have friends all over the world and we text and message when it is convenient for us so that might be middle of the night for the other person.

Also if I'm out with my boyfriend I turn it off or leave it in my bag in silent because I don't like to be distracted I think it's rude to be answering messages.

Ninjakittysmells · 10/09/2017 08:45

user ^ me!! I turn my phone on to airplane mode otherwise I'd wake up constantly due to drunk friends calling, emails offering me 20% off in sales and texts off my mum telling me about her second cousins dogs new haircut

Gorgosparta · 10/09/2017 08:46

Dh turns his off.

I have mine set on do not disturb from 10pm to 7am. Only my mum can contact me by ring 3 times and then it comes through.

Dhs parents live hours away and wouldnt phone him in an emergency anyway. My mum sometimes has my kids.

Expemsiveuniform · 10/09/2017 08:46

We have a puke bowl. It's a bright red basin that I keep in the hot press upstairs. It has wipes and old towels stored in it

Top tip. Towel in the bottom of the basin stops puke splash back

This will be the first of many.

Sleep today on the sofa if you can and bung her in front of whatever she likes on the tele

Oldie2017 · 10/09/2017 08:46

It may be that some of us trust the other half more. Eg one of my youngest had to go to hospital and was in over night. I stayed at home with our other 4 children and their father went in and was next to him all night and I utterly trusted his care of him and no need for me to be there. Actually large families tend to work well like this. If you are looking after 3 under 4 alone (as I often was and I worked full time too) then you just have to manage - the baby is breastfeeding whilst the toddler is kicking you and the 3 year old is trying to escape through the front door into the street. One vomiting toddler is a very simple issue compared to loads of children at once scenarios... and don't let me get started on the twins we had after the first 3.

NC4now · 10/09/2017 08:47

OP I've had to deal with a puke everywhere illness on my own. It's not easy, so
For future reference, you sit the child in the (empty) bath while you strip the beds etc. and put towels down on the bed. Bring all your towels to the bedroom so if they puke again you just swap them over.
You'll be a lot less stressed if you can manage these things on your own, then any extra help is a bonus. I wouldn't have called my ex in the night. That's just not how we do things.

dolcezza99 · 10/09/2017 08:48

Oh for god's sake, it was a bit of sick. Why do you need help? Are you not capable of dealing with something so mundane? What a ridiculous post. Of course your ex shouldn't have to come over. He's your ex, and not at your beck and call whenever you can't cope with something ordinary.

GoldenOrb · 10/09/2017 08:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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