To not expect a man to put his head in my boobs?

[MissJSays]

I'm currently sat in the clubs toilets. It's my friends 22nd birthday night out. I'm 21, I know I'm young and having fun bla bla but my best friend whose birthday it is friends has come out. She has brought about 4/5 boy friends with her, fair enough. About 2 hours into the night one of them has just bent down to me, put his head in my boobs and shook his head. I'm in a committed relationship of 2yrs, I love my boyfriend to pieces (he's not here with me tonight) and I haven't been suggestive or anything to this boy all night. It's completely floored me and I'm sobbing in the toilet, I don't know why it's got to me so much. I feel so alone and like I'm making such a fuss over nothing, I don't know why this has upset me so much! Hoping for some Mumsnet wisdom to get me out of the cubicle🙁

Christ I'd go berserk if that happened to me. He'd get a side swipe and his ears would ring for a week. Bastard.

I'm a shit like that though, older and seen a bit more. I'm sorry this has happened. You're obviously a bit more gentle so please do what's right for you to get past this.

And do not EVER feel bad or try to justify his behaviour. What a complete knob jockey

It's upsetting me to read that it happens to all women, I always thought it was me and my fault some how and not something that happen to other (better) people.

Check out #YesAllWomen.

Happened to my daughter at a club in Portsmouth when she was at Uni there, she kicked the scrot in the nuts and he was ejected from the club but held by the bouncers until police arrived .They do tend to take a rather dim view of that type of behaviour.......

ghost, that story makes me very happy.

I reported a guy who grabbed my arse in a bar to the manager once (the day after it happened), and it got reported to the police who found him on the CCTV and discovered he was the same man who'd been reported for assaulting another girl down an alley later the same night, so it helped get him arrested. Obviously do what feels right for you, but for everyone on here saying "what good will it do" then the answer is- potentially quite a lot.

OP, I hope you are okay.

UpYouGo I second the idea of martial arts classes for your daughter. In fact I think all girls should be given judo classes in school from a young age so they have the knowledge, but more importantly the instinct and muscle memory to be able to protect themselves from the unending line of fucking shite men out there

You did nothing wrong. He did. On a night out when I was about 19-20 with DH (then boyfriend) and some work friends someone grabbed both my boobs in their hands out of the blue. Not even someone I was with or talking to just a complete stranger. I got so upset by it we left the club. So you arent alone because I have been you.

However when the same thing happened many years later out with my some friends on a girls only night I was older and wiser and more sure of myself and punched the guy straight in the nose. I nearly got kicked out too until a bunch of people told the bouncer why I had done it. I'm a lot taller than you and violence isn't anything to be proud of obviously but my point is. You will remember this night and you'll be angry and stew over it but in years to come this will be the experience that gives you the confidence to know that anyone who touches you like that without your permission is the one in the wrong and find your own way of handling the situation. Even if it's going to security and demanding them to be thrown out.

It was an assault. Pure and simple.

I would either punched him, or tipped (thrown?) his drink in his face.

Poor you. I hope you are feeling a bit better today. Sending lots of sympathy at the vile behaviour of utter arseholes out there.

I'd have thrown a pint over him.

I was out once with a group of 'friends' from school in first year Xmas university holiday. A boy I had really fancied was so insulting about how much I liked him. He was saying that all he had to do was ring a bell and I'd come running, he even got the bell out and rang it, so I threw a pint over him.

I got banned from the pub but I didn't care. The wanker sat there dripping. I hope he caught a cold on the way home.

violence isn't anything to be proud of

That was self defence. Be damn proud.

I had a guy upset me like that when I was 21...My dh was in the room so don't blame yourself for going on your own. I went into defence mode and broke his nose before he managed to do anything too terrible... Some men just need to not be allowed out.

Peter, I really hope that comment is a really bad attempt at a joke. OP I hope you're doing okay, it's really depressing how common stuff like this is

words repeating deleted post edited out by MNHQ

Please everyone, don't feed the troll. Report and ignore.

Copy and paste is doing weird things for me tonight. Please ignore my earlier post as well :-)

MissJ ignore what PeterD said.

I suspect he's deliberately being goady.

It's not your responsibility to stop men from being tempted to assault you. It's men's responsibility to control themselves.

Depressingly, Yorick is right that this actually has a name - it's called motorboating. I've worked in a student advice centre, and this was a common(ish) type of sexual assault at student nights. Yes, it is usually some bloke who is immature, drunk and is doing it "for a laugh", but that is absolutely no excuse whatsoever. It is sexual assault, and despite what some posters above have said, it is taken seriously by the police these days. In my experience with my students, the best way to deal with this initially (if you want to do something) is to speak to the Club and tell them what happened. Decent clubs have a zero tolerance policy, and if they have CCTV, or know him as a regular, they will be able to do something. For general info, if something like this happens, it's always worth telling the doormen, or the manager, straight away, as they will usually chuck the perpetrator out, but most women are, like you, so shocked and upset that they tend to want to run away and hide.

I know some people on this thread think that the police and/or the club staff will do nothing/are not interested, but that's not usually the case these days. Most are aware that it needs stamping out immediately, and for clubs, reports will have an effect on them next time their license is up for renewal: a reputation as somewhere that goes easy on sexual assault also doesn't help them get customers through the door. And that goes for all sexual assault - whether it's being shoved up against a wall, or having your bum grabbed on the dance floor. It's not on, and it is no longer tolerated. This is not the 1970s.

OP, I'm sending hugs - I'm glad your boyfriend is being lovely. Most men are not like this, and we need to make sure that those who are know that their behaviour is out of order.

What offends me most about Peter's dimwitted attempt at trolling is how lazy it was. Come on, man. The other one pretended he was trying to be clever. We get so many scores of you pinheaded dullards online and in real life, you need to up your game if you want to stand out. If you must be a moron online, at least don't be such a boring one. We put up with so much of your tired shite, we deserve a better class of idiot.

I was in a club with my friend. We passed a line of 5 older men standing near the dance floor. One of them touched my bum. I asked which one had touched me and none of them answered they just all stood there smirking. I don't drink alcohol and had a bottle of water. I squirted my water over all 5 of them until the bottle was empty. I absolutely cannot stand men putting there hands on women totally uninvited or encouraged. How dare they. Do they think we should be grateful of their attention ?

Fab, annfield. What was their reaction?

Do they think we should be grateful of their attention?

Sometimes, as some of them do get off on the idea that we all love it because we're secretly slaves to any available penis (as twoheaps tried to imply with the story of his imaginary friend).

But more often than not, it is just about demeaning, scaring and intimidating us. They want to make us feel shitty and terrified simply because we are women. It doesn't get much more misogynistic than that. Which is why it's so utterly perverse to try to claim it's about desire or appreciation of our beauty. It's about frightening us and getting us in line, nothing more.

A man who sexually assaults you might not be a rapist, but boy, he wants you to know he could be.

That is actually an assault. Call the police

Sexual harassment/sexual assault. He was totally out of order, and should be reported to the police

This!

Are you for real ? How is what happened to this person remotely funny and to be " laughed off ".