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Original poster

New ish boyfriend - masonic lodge - weird?

353 replies

Creambun2 · 08/09/2017 17:17

Have been seeing a guy for just over three months now, all going well, seems a "normal" person (important for me after some awful relationships). However, this guy is part of masonic lodge and is asking me to come to some "ladies" night - sounds like some do from the 1930s or something.

AIBU to think this is a bit weird? He is in his early 30s. The only knowledge of the masonic world I have is that they used to deliver my grandmother a Christmas hamper every year after my grandfather died.

Why would a young bloke want to mess around in aprons doing "rituals" with loads of probably older men?! Is he going to suggest sex with aprons and gloves next Grin

Anyone got any experience of this or been to one of these ladies nights ever?

OP posts:
UninspiringUserName · 08/09/2017 18:04

Good Lord, there's some strong views on here...

I grew up with a dad, uncle and grandfather as masons and I'm proud to say none of them are sectarian knobs, nor up to anything dodgy. None of them have got a job, or kept a job, because they're masons. Yes, it's outdated and it can be old-fashioned in its views (I've never had a toolkit as a present), and they might wear aprons and gloves, but hey, so do Kim and Aggy.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want my DH joining, and nor would he want to, but the money they raise for good causes is staggering. My ex-FIL was one too and when he had a massive heart attack and was stranded in the US as his insurance didn't cover the cost to fly him home, his lodge paid for him to be flown home and also paid for help for his wife around the house while he recovered as she was struggling. They pay for loads locally - for funerals of mason's wives, local children's homes, local schools. I think it used to be very old boys' club and they'll always struggle to get away from that.

Oh, and at Ladies Evening, if you get decent people, it's like a school disco in posh frocks. And all the wives at my tables used to work. And still no tool kits, but I once got a handy phone charger. Not pink.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 08/09/2017 18:06

It's like a secret club for men who never really grew up, at the end of the day. They can have their clubhouse and say "no girls allowed" and pretend to be cool and mysterious.

Like middle-aged scouts without the camping.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 08/09/2017 18:07

Most of my male friends are masons and I've been going to functions with them since I was about 10.

Never had a problem with them and over the years it's been incredibly useful for me work wise

Marylou2 · 08/09/2017 18:07

Oh I'd go. It's nice that he's asked you. Probably solid marriage material if that's what you're looking for. Enjoy. Gosh some people on here have odd ideas about Masons. Mainly a business networking organisation now.

GaryBarlowsTaxReturn · 08/09/2017 18:08

My dad was one. I would not date anyone who was a mason. Anachronistic, sexist organisation which functions to keep jobs for the boys. The field I used to work in was full of back slapping contracts for other masons. Non masons and women struggled to get a look in.

Lules · 08/09/2017 18:08

Given that the only Masons I know have also been Adonians (I think the secret society aspect must appeal) I don't think they're all heterosexual...

WooWooSister · 08/09/2017 18:09

I am laughing at the 'they're all nice men working for charity'. Yeah, that's why they joined the Masons rather than volunteering for Oxfam or Shelter or. . . name any of the other charitable causes that don't exclude women and include secret rituals Hmm
Years ago, I dated a Mason. Definitely in Scotland, the majority of lodges are still very anti-Catholic. They also used to organise fun nights out to lap-dancing clubs. So if bigots and misogynists seem like an ideal peer group for you then go ahead.

Tobebythesea · 08/09/2017 18:10

My Dad is a mason. I went to a ladies night a few years ago. Just an excuse to dress up and fundraise. The ladies were a lot older than me though....

Roomster101 · 08/09/2017 18:10

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday It really isn't even if it is labelled as networking.

slothface · 08/09/2017 18:10

I used to go out with an older guy who was a mason (also a twat but that's another story!) I went to the ladies night, it was nothing more sinister than a meal with some speeches and a band. They do do weird rituals at Masonic meetings but these don't really have any meaning and are done for tradition's sake. I find the history of masonry unsettling and misogynistic and was also curious about possible corruption in business and state organisations, I asked the ex about all of this and he said any of that kind of 'back scratching' is really frowned upon these days and all they really do is organise stuff for charity. I don't think it's dodgy or sinister, just a bit outdated and cringeworthy!

NYConcreteJungle · 08/09/2017 18:10

It sounds sexist to me and would put me off the new man.

UnicornRainbowColours · 08/09/2017 18:11

My late father was a mason and it's just a black tie ball. The Masonic lodge raise a lot of money for charity's.

Tobebythesea · 08/09/2017 18:12

They do raise thousands for charity.

Dervel · 08/09/2017 18:14

Jimmy Savile did a lot for charity didn't he?

Dowser · 08/09/2017 18:14

Exh joined in his 20s
We were the youngest there by at least 25 years.
Hated them.

NYConcreteJungle · 08/09/2017 18:15

They do raise thousands for charity.

I remember a certain someone raising millions for charity Hmm to cover up behaviour that came out after his death.

MargaretTwatyer · 08/09/2017 18:17

I worked as a waitress in a Masonic Lodge while at school and Uni.

There's nothing sinister, it's basically Brownies for grown men. It's a social thing and sense of cameraderie.

They were brilliant tippers too, raised loads for charity. A few of them were genuinely interested in me and my welfare because I come from quite an unsettled background and had worked hard to change things. They did things like checking my UCAS application that people's parents might normally do. Stayed in touch with a couple of them until they passed away and they were genuinely decent blokes.

fridgepants · 08/09/2017 18:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

Sewfrickinamazeballs · 08/09/2017 18:18

God, the ignorance on here. Husband is one. Has been since 21, over 24 years now. Often a guest at a predominantly gay lodge. I know female masons and black, Asian, Chinese masons. Perseptions of an organisation you know little about are often wrong.

Ladies nights are usually a nice weekend away with a formal dinner on the Saturday. Mainly run to raise money for charity. They are not good at publicising their charitable works, but do it for the Difference they can make, not the credit they might get. My ladies night raised over £2000 for help for heroes a couple of years back. But of course we must all be awful people involved in such a thingHmm

Sunbeam18 · 08/09/2017 18:18

Whether they raise money for charity is neither here nor there! Maybe this differs massively across the UK but I'm from South West Scotland and the Orange order still march with sashes and flutes and play The Sash. Try listening to the lyrics and tell me they are not anti Catholic! I'm sure anyone from N Ireland also has lots to say on this!

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/09/2017 18:18

My friends fil is fairly high up in his local masons. She finds it sinister. I'd be apprehensive in your place. Have no direct experience though. I do not like these type of patriarchal clubs.

RaincloudOfDoom · 08/09/2017 18:19

The annoying aspect of these things is that more men join, and more men in positions of influence and they help each other out. Women don't get that advantage, even if they do set up their own lodges.

However it sounds like they may get an Elizabeth Duke bracelet at Ladies Night which is almost as good Hmm

Flyinggeese · 08/09/2017 18:21

ourkidmolly where do you get that idea from? It's incorrect.

minoandolphin · 08/09/2017 18:23

completely and exclusively white, heterosexual and male

Bollocks. Why on earth make shit up that is so easily disproven?

It's all pretty harmless in itself. Yes there are elements of corruption within some lodges as there are in every single organisation that contains humans- some human beings are pricks and will use whatever organisation they belong to to their advantage (see all religions, governments, school PTAs, hobby groups, workplaces etc etc). Doesn't make the Masons themselves bad. Bit daft with all the dressing up and rituals but again, see all religions. And Comic Con. And amateur dramatics. Many hobbies and pastimes are a bit weird when you come to think of it. Doesn't mean they're inherently evil.

Get to know him a bit more and judge him on his own merits. And go along to ladies night, free food if nothing else!

Mrskeats · 08/09/2017 18:26

I've been to a few of these with an ex partner and hated them.V old-fashioned in my view. They are like golf club things-women are just there to serve the food etc and be the Grand Wizard's wife or whatever it's called. Avoid.