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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New ish boyfriend - masonic lodge - weird?

353 replies

Creambun2 · 08/09/2017 17:17

Have been seeing a guy for just over three months now, all going well, seems a "normal" person (important for me after some awful relationships). However, this guy is part of masonic lodge and is asking me to come to some "ladies" night - sounds like some do from the 1930s or something.

AIBU to think this is a bit weird? He is in his early 30s. The only knowledge of the masonic world I have is that they used to deliver my grandmother a Christmas hamper every year after my grandfather died.

Why would a young bloke want to mess around in aprons doing "rituals" with loads of probably older men?! Is he going to suggest sex with aprons and gloves next Grin

Anyone got any experience of this or been to one of these ladies nights ever?

OP posts:
BoysofMelody · 10/09/2017 15:00

They roll up a trouser leg, lift their leg up and shake hands under the lifted leg Wink

GrapesAreMyJam · 10/09/2017 15:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Frazzled50yrold · 10/09/2017 15:29

Yes,the late father was a mason, it was a really positive outcome when no one else would get involved

BoysofMelody · 10/09/2017 15:50

Yes,the late father was a mason, it was a really positive outcome when no one else would get involved

To my mind, that isn't charity, that's 'looking after your own' if you raise money for a charity where you and your dependents are the chief beneficiaries than it looks more like self insurance than real charity.

Obviously in the situation you describe, it made a huge difference to the lives of those children, but would the same privileges be extended to them if their father hadn't been a mason?

NewMinouMinou · 10/09/2017 16:03

It is fine, OP.
Like PPs have said, bit naff, but can be fun.

AlphaStation · 10/09/2017 16:10

I've got a suspicion that OP has left this thread, and the thread has taken on a life of it's own, and there are already 332 messages on this topic...

EamonnWright · 10/09/2017 16:14

BoysofMelody

Don't embarrass yourself. I'm very left wing and I'm asked to join all the time. I'm also an Irish Catholic so that blows a few others out of the water. The Masonic is not the same as the Orange Lodge.

BoysofMelody · 10/09/2017 16:22

Don't embarrass yourself.

You should be embarrassed by your reading and comprehension skills.

I'm very left wing and I'm asked to join all the time. I'm also an Irish Catholic so that blows a few others out of the water.

Bully for you.

But presumably you're not a member, so that's an irrelevance. I said that of the people I have known were of a certain I'll - middle aged, conservative with both a large and small c and were the kind of blokes you saw hanging around golf club bars. I wasn't talking about all masons everywhere.

The Masonic is not the same as the Orange Lodge

I didn't say it was, in fact I made these LF same point several pages ago.

NoLoveofMine · 10/09/2017 16:22

Entirely misogynistic organisation; any man who has anything to do with it is clearly happy to exclude women and perpetuate a culture in which women are disadvantaged for being female. My great grandfather was one, thankfully my grandfather rejected the opportunity to follow suit as he saw even all those years ago when he had the opportunity to how discriminatory this kind of organisation is. He is a fantastic chap. I would have nothing to do with anyone who was one as they clearly enjoy being part of an organisation which excludes women. If it wasn't for the misogyny it'd be risible these men are so keen to have their organisation and ensure women could never join them, thinking they're special because they're members of something a female never could be purely due to her sex.

BoysofMelody · 10/09/2017 16:25

"a self-improvement society for - shock horror - men"

Actually self advancement, a very different thing to self improvement. 'You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours' doesn't qualify as self improvement.

yummumto3girls · 10/09/2017 16:46

Any "club" aimed at men whilst the little women is not allowed until they are invited to a "ladies" night to keep them happy every now and then is not for me or anyone I would want to be involved with.

worridmum · 10/09/2017 16:55

So men cannot have male only spaces /clubs because its sexist and misogyny but women only ones are fine?

Bloody double standards.

worridmum · 10/09/2017 16:56

Oh btw WI dont allow men in other than family nights.....

GrapesAreMyJam · 10/09/2017 17:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

BoysofMelody · 10/09/2017 17:14

I don't have an issue of single sex clubs per second, but the Freemasons are a different kettle of fish.

The WI and the YMCA aren't societies with secrets and an ethos of mutual self advancement. It staggers me that people can't see how incompatible that is with public office or public service.

Membership should be more heavily monitored or even banned for certain occupations like police officers or civil servants.

Zafodbeeblbrox10 · 10/09/2017 17:14

Not 322 - alpha Wink

jeapurs54 · 10/09/2017 17:15

You are wrong, they are a society where although mostly men there are also Women freemasons. They also donate lots of money to the Air Ambulance which helps get people to hospital in accidents where they are needed to get to a hospital quicker or in places where a regular ambulance cant get access. So re-think what you are saying, if you have not read more about the good they do.

BoysofMelody · 10/09/2017 17:43

They also donate lots of money to the Air Ambulance which helps get people to hospital in accidents where they are needed to get to a hospital quicker or in places where a regular ambulance cant get access.

Yeah jeapurs thanks for explaining what an air ambulance does. The words 'air' and 'ambulance' were so vague and misleading and I'd never seen or heard of one before.

I would suggest it is you that needs to read up.

The masons have a very broad definition of charity and of the large sums raised, the overwhelming majority of their 'charitable' giving (somewhere between 75 & 80 %) is for organisations to exclusively benefit masons and their dependents, be it running nursing homes exclusively for masons or paying for private dental and medical treatment for masons. Giving to these charities with the expectation that you will be able benefit from them further along the line, is acting in a self interested way.

article [[http://www.freemasonrytoday.com/freemasonry-cares/the-history-of-the-four-masonic-charities]]gives you an idea where the priorities of masonic charitable giving lie.

Yerroblemom1923 · 10/09/2017 17:46

In the village where my dad lives he reckons it's a case of "if you scratch my back..." e.g. members of the police, solicitors etc who are members will ensure fellow members will get off lightly and builders will give you a good price etc etc. Seems to be a lot of "business men" involved in it. He says it's as dodgy as hell and wouldn't touch it with a barge pole! (And he has been asked to join...self-employed builder)

Tapandgo · 10/09/2017 17:59

Yerroblemom you are right. I know of people high up in Councils who were enticed to join 'to their benefit' by 'two good masons*. It's corrupt as hell - and many posters on here who think it's just a charitable boys club are as naive as it comes, At the lowest level their partners are at, they may choose to be uninformed about what the higher levels get up to.
They should read up a bit more and look at major documented cases where Masonic influence was proven to have distorted the legal process.
Membership has to be declared in several professions - with good cause.
As for the poster who thinks sectarianism only exists in Scotland and NI ......please swap that type of bigotry for bias in terms of colour or against faiths other than Christian and think again what happens elsewhere.

BoysofMelody · 10/09/2017 18:01

As for the poster who thinks sectarianism only exists in Scotland and NI ......please swap that type of bigotry for bias in terms of colour or against faiths other than Christian and think again what happens elsewhere.

Or visit Merseyside in July

Jaxhog · 10/09/2017 18:09

People get very hung up about Masons, when it's just a men's club that raises money for charity. So they have a bunch or archaic silly rituals. Nothing corrupt about it. My DH has been a member for years and has never seen any undue influence being used. In fact, one of the rules is that you can't do that.

Masonic ladies nights are really no different from a good dinner by Round Table.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 10/09/2017 18:11

My DH is not a Mason, although many of our friends are and he has been invited to join - he just doesn't fancy it. BUT he works in a position which, according to the likes of the Daily Fail and, apparently, some Mumsnetters he cannot have reached the position he is in without being a member. He only knows of one person at his place of work that is definitely a Mason and he is very junior to DH.

My Dad was a senior police officer - a position he can't have reached without being a Mason apparently. Odd then that he didn't join until he retired.......

IvorHughJarrs · 10/09/2017 18:31

Absolutely agree with what Jaxhog has posted above. DH is a member, they raise a lot for charity and it has helped him enormously in developing confidence with speaking in public. They raise an awful lot for charity and I never cease to be shocked by the ignorance, misinformation and plain old bias brought up on threads like this

MaggieHF · 12/09/2017 08:45

Go and find out for yourself. There is nothing like first hand experience.... yes there might be controversial elements but for goodness sake be a little brave and get out and live. How can we open our minds to new experiences if we don't go and find out for ourselves. I have been to the Masonic Head Lodge HQ in Holborn.... one of the most beautiful buildings I've been into.
Live your life, don't be a sheep. Your b/f is probably a great guy.
Enjoy!