Pre baby, child free by choice friend

[abigailgabble]

Is it just me or is it hard work? My social life is nonexistent I'm 99% hermit by choice, not my strong point so maybe I'm too out of touch.
Friend was going to pop over for a cup of tea this afternoon about 6-8, with her dog . She lives about 25 mns away but I rarely see her these days. My baby (4mo) is hot, clammy and has been screaming for 2 hours for no apparent reason so I've put her, and her dog , off (at about 4pm). She seems narked/has replied "I could have gone to the gym". AIBU?

@my2bundles

It hasn't been said or implied that people should 'ditch their children'. All that's being said is that if you cancel on a childfree friend for child related reasons, which cannot be helped at times, acknowledge that they have been inconvenienced rather than simply think they aren't entitled to be disappointed because a) "well they don't have kids, they don't get it" and b) whatever it was they would have done with their time otherwise doesn't involve children so it can wait. It's this attitude that has upset people. It is disparaging and disrespectful.

I can understand why you needed to cancel if your child was ill, but your time is not more precious or important than hers just because you have a child and that's the attitude which is coming out of so many of the posts from mothers on this thread and is pretty depressing.

Before I had kids I was completely clueless - I used to get upset with a friend who had a baby for cancelling sometimes. Now I have twins - that's karma for you! - another friend came round last week with her twins, it was lovely but it totally cocked up their schedule, they didn't sleep properly and were a nightmare. Sadly when you have kids friendships with those who don't can really struggle.

Before I had kids I was completely clueless - I used to get upset with a friend who had a baby for cancelling sometimes.

Sadly when you have kids friendships with those who don't can really struggle.

I suppose it makes perfect sense that as a person who lacks empathy you can't imagine that other people can manage to understand a situation that they're not actually living through. Depressing, though.

Those with one child can never 'get it' because they don't have two children to deal with but in fact those who have only had two children...well they'll certainly never 'get it' because they don't have three. And those who don't have boys don't 'get it' or those who don't have girls, or a mix....they don't 'get it' either, or those whose children travel well on aeroplanes or who aren't allergic to milk or havent yet started school, or aren't working parents will never 'get it'...and so on....it's ridiculous.

she's pissed off at the SHORT NOTICE you gave her!
It's a perfectly NORMAL reaction to being let down at the last minute!

Obviously you let her know as soon as you were aware a screaming baby would be a problem - but it still meant she was let down at the last minute and it ruined her plans.
It isn't for you or anyone to decide she should go the gym at 8pm.

No matter the reason, she has the right to feel pissed off and to verbalise that.
It has bugger all to do with being a parent/child free.

Most people do understand how things change when a baby comes along - it's hardly rocket science is it?

the ones who don't tend to be the self obsessed, self centred, lacking in empathy and life experience...