Pre baby, child free by choice friend

[abigailgabble]

Is it just me or is it hard work? My social life is nonexistent I'm 99% hermit by choice, not my strong point so maybe I'm too out of touch.
Friend was going to pop over for a cup of tea this afternoon about 6-8, with her dog . She lives about 25 mns away but I rarely see her these days. My baby (4mo) is hot, clammy and has been screaming for 2 hours for no apparent reason so I've put her, and her dog , off (at about 4pm). She seems narked/has replied "I could have gone to the gym". AIBU?

YANBU. She was BU wanting to bring the dog.

Full disclosure: not a dog person. Have 5 month old baby.

There is clearly a BIG backstory

I think this is probably right. If it were a one off late cancellation I'd be surprised if you'd have got a frosty text.

If she was a parent she would understand that sometimes you need to cancel at the last minute

@greendale17
Christ that's nice. Us childless folk just don't understand!!!???

Everyone needs to cancel at the last minute for one reason or another
That's just life.

Aye, bit like when someone says "as a mother, I am very upset that x children died in this incident" or "you can't understand unless you have children of your own".

Childfree people are still people you know! I was a child myself once (with siblings) so I do recall how childhood sickness works. And we're not all heartless robots!

I think that child free or not, people understand when they are cancelled at the last minute as a one off and the cancellation is apologetic and offers an alternative or gives them the option of still coming but explains the baby might be distruptive to catching up properly. I have to admit to seeking out friends when my children were so young and grizzly as it was a welcome distraction for both of us but I appreciate not everyone is the same.

I don't see the issue about the dog or its age. Presumably when you made the plans you knew the dog would be coming along as well so its irrelevant how hectic it is.

@troodiedoo i used to be a dog person but now i have a PFB they are my enemy

@abigailgabble
Sadly I think you're friend probably gets that vibe from you
She probably gets the vibe you don't want her there and maybe you don't.

You should think very hard about how you treat your friends, because one day your child will go off and have a life of their own.

And you shouldn't let your friends just feel like they just get the crumbs of whatever time you have left over

IA entirely that i am flaky and she knows it so probably thinks i am being flaky which I suppose I am but I'm being flaky because I'm anxious about my PFB (well I was he's looking a bit perkier now) rather than being anxious about a social situation

@Worriedrose thanks i actually spend a great deal of time in the knowledge that one day i will be all alone because I am hard work/suffer quite severally at times with various mental illnesses and have lost countless friends already as a result. i have a very very limited social life precisely because I am so demand avoidant it's kind of by choice and kind of thrust upon me.

Quite surprised how many on here think you are BU. Your child is ill, hot, clammy, screaming, probably clamped to you. You gave her a heads up it was a busted flush as soon as you could. I don't think she's a very good friend to you.
But then until I had kids I always stuck to what I said I was going to do. With kids sometimes you just know to quit before you even start.
She's frustrated but us really only thinking of herself here. Try not to take it personally.

@Worriedrose unfortunately your intended spite somewhat falls on deaf ears as I am resigned to this fact /just so my best

Well that's a lesson you'll have to learn.
I doubt if this was a rare occurrence she would mind.
As I said, there is probably a back story and everyone has their limits of how much flakeyness they'll put up with.
Flakey people are flakey people.

I'm a home-body who lives alone with cat. I have a few friends who I see a few times a year.

I never, ever get lonely.

You will be fine, OP.

thanks @ChickenVindaloo2 the older i get the less i try to fight myself

It's not intended spite either.
It's frustration
You have a good friend, who you readily admit thinks you're flakey and will eventually give up on you.

You need to make an effort to keep friends. They are very important.
If I thought this was a one off. Then I would totally say SWBU. But I don't

But if you don't care about her as a friend then it's totally fine!!! Don't fight that either

@Worriedrose seriously i don't flake on this friend, she doesn't stress me

I once had a friend who was such a good friend that she told me she was having a party and said "don't worry, you don't need to come!"

Your pointed mentions of the dog and how it would cause 'chaos' suggest you didn't really want her coming round anyway. I think you were looking for an excuse to cancel and that she could tell.

Then I've got it totally wrong and she's being a drama queen!!!
I'm not being sarcastic

Probably massively projecting about my friend who does this to me all the fucking time!!!

I'm totally missing the point I know, but I love your use of the phrase "shitty kipper"!