To think if a boy hits my daughter then yes it is different to if a girl does

[ouchthathurtsabit]

Preparing to be flamed as this is a controversial issue.

I'm a mum of a girl and 2 boys. My daughter came home with a red mark on her face saying that a boy- known for hurting others- had punched her in the face because she had gone in front of him in the queue. The boy was spoken to and it was dealt with. The children are 8 and in year 3.

So I spoke to the teacher and said I was glad it was dealt with and that I was sure my daughter would be fine but it would probably be helpful for this boy to know that it's unacceptable to hurt or hit anyone but that hitting a girl in the face is really not acceptable.

The teacher then had a massive rant at me saying that there is absolutely no difference and that's a very dangerous thing to be teaching children and it would not be an appropriate thing to say in school.

Whist I do understand what she was tryouts g to say, I do try and explain to my boys that In our society, no matter what age you are, if you hit a female then it is completely unacceptable and that no matter what a girl does or says to you then if you respond with physical violence then it's not acceptable. Males are generally bigger and stronger. Am I completely wrong in thinking at 8 years old this could be mentioned? Because I don't know! I know if one of my boys hit a girl in the face I would be a tiny bit more mortified than if it was a girl

Backing down

For fucks sake

Rufustherenegadereindeer1

I get what you're saying I really do, but when a man? Starts pushing it as fact that men are suffering the same (practically 60/40) dv as women then I am not going to let that go. Not when women are dying and facing catastrophic consequences of dv. That kind of thinking is dangerous and damages women's already weak position.

I understand

As long as you understand that at no point have i asked you not to posts about domestic violence and not to argue

Its just the tit for tat insults that were taking away from what you were saying, i felt. Just a bit cheesecake off last night

Anyway none of my business so ill fuck off

I know lol but he's a gf!! 😁

And ive just realised autocorrect changed my

Cheesed off

To cheesecake

Ummmm cheesecake...........

How we deal and view male on female violence and male on male violence is essential if we are to stop it Can we also stop female on male violence? Hell let's stop all violence, isn't that what we should be aiming for?

Female on female violence? Let's stop that as well.

Yes but lets deal with the very real issues women face.....daily shall we?

Women can actually be quite vicious with other women.

LongWavyHair

Well I'm sure they can but that doesn't deal with power imbalances does it?

Someone disagreeing with you doesnt make them a goady fucker.

One woman might be bigger and stronger than the other. One might be on their own and a gang beats her up. Plenty of power imbalance.

Oh seriously ?? Yes, individual women may be stronger.........doesn't change the FACT that most men are stronger than women, more men than women are abusive and violent, men have a dominant position over women throughout the world............but yes we are all equal.............😴😴

😴😴 back to you.

Don't minimise what our sex are capable of. Seriously.

LongWavyHair

I don't minimise our sex.....so I guess the whole femminist pursuit of obtaining equality is simply minimising our sex........the suffragettes would be so proud! Yes lets ignore all the injustices that women face because that would be minimising our sex. Let's not strive to close the gender pay gap, let's keep women out of the workplace, let's not worry about objectification or rape and sexual assault
Oh and better tell Angelina to stop worrying about protecting women in war zones because that may diminish our sex......

Oh wtf are you on about 😂
I never mentioned the workplace. That's a whole seperate issue.

This is about violence and how apparently we should be telling our boys not to hit girls because if we don't they will probably grow up to be woman hating woman beating thugs. Give over with your blatant sexism already.
I'll stick with teaching my son that it's not to ok to hit anyone. But I won't be making a special point about girls.

It's funny because when I was told it was worse to do an armed robbery than shoplift unarmed I still understood it was very wrong to shoplift and have managed to avoid doing so my entire life.

[girn]

But I still can't spell 'grin'

And it's funny that my parents always told me and my brother it's not ok to hit anyone and didn't think to give him an extra talk about not hitting girls. And he's managed to avoid hitting people including women! Fucking hell what a shock that is eh?!

The biggest shock,wavy, is that despite parents telling their kids not to hit, boys and men still invariably do!!!!! Bugger me its painful sometimes!!

So do girls and women.

Except our prisons aren't full of these women and girls are they??? However, they are full of violent men......kinda makes your whole point well pointless.......

Still doesn't mean my 6 year old boy needs to be told it's worse to hit a girl and for him to think it's ok for him to be hit because he's not a girl, or that it gives him the green light to hit another boy because it's "not as bad". What a confusing message to send to a child. There is no competition. It's bad to hit anyone, and that's the message he will be taught.

I think until the majority of mothers understand their sons will grow up into a wider social context and address male pattern violence as a separate issue the problem won't go away. I'm not replying to anyone personally as I'm not interested in getting into the juvenile slanging match. This thread was a good debate a while ago.

But we all have different parenting styles. While I understand the argument some posters are putting forward regarding all hitting is wrong, for me, it oversimplifies the issue and doesn't bring the awareness boys will require in adult life of the unearned privilege or power imbalances they will experience. Many parents will not feel it necessary to address this as children but may do in the future. Many feel it is something they do not wish to address at all ever as they do not see an issue.

What is clear from this thread is that 'equality' is interpreted very differently by people. Equality simply means 'sameness' to many.

As has been mentioned earlier, messages are heard 'in conext'. Children do not hear a single sentence and make a decision on their future behaviour. They apply their thinking to the things they see and hear around them.

My children are neither confused, sexist or violent. I'd like to think that is because I make an effort to make them aware through discussions and modelling positive behaviour of their position as members of society. To me and my husband this is every bit as important as schoolwork and learning academia.

Part of that is also respecting other people have different opinions and understandings of society.