To think if a boy hits my daughter then yes it is different to if a girl does

[ouchthathurtsabit]

Preparing to be flamed as this is a controversial issue.

I'm a mum of a girl and 2 boys. My daughter came home with a red mark on her face saying that a boy- known for hurting others- had punched her in the face because she had gone in front of him in the queue. The boy was spoken to and it was dealt with. The children are 8 and in year 3.

So I spoke to the teacher and said I was glad it was dealt with and that I was sure my daughter would be fine but it would probably be helpful for this boy to know that it's unacceptable to hurt or hit anyone but that hitting a girl in the face is really not acceptable.

The teacher then had a massive rant at me saying that there is absolutely no difference and that's a very dangerous thing to be teaching children and it would not be an appropriate thing to say in school.

Whist I do understand what she was tryouts g to say, I do try and explain to my boys that In our society, no matter what age you are, if you hit a female then it is completely unacceptable and that no matter what a girl does or says to you then if you respond with physical violence then it's not acceptable. Males are generally bigger and stronger. Am I completely wrong in thinking at 8 years old this could be mentioned? Because I don't know! I know if one of my boys hit a girl in the face I would be a tiny bit more mortified than if it was a girl

You have taken one snippet of one post and interpreted it incorrectly. I said earlier that from a moral perspective all violence is wrong and no hitting was 'better' or more acceptable. I have also discussed the problems with citing single incidents and discussed the difference between societal implications giving examples. If after all that you want to reduce what I have said to 'you're saying hitting girls is worse' then that is your spin on what I've said rather than actually understanding. That's fine but I'll just be repeating what I've said if I explain again and I think I've contributed enough now.

Sorry my last post was to Granny not you Wavy :)

Aye I assumed it was. Unless you have super fast typing skills!

Some people don't want to acknowledge male violence, they want to pretend that their darling sons aren't capable of abuse, yet we see it still don't we? It's still happening because many are not educating their sons sufficiently. There is still the double standards at play, slut shaming for example and still parents who praise their sons for sowing their wild oats. 😏

Walking, I have acknowledged male violence and I have said what we as parents can do prevent our sons from being violent.
I will absolutely not praise my son for "sowing his wild oats" and neither will oh. In fact we both hope he stays away from girls for as long as possible, especially due to the attitudes of people that I mentioned above. I will be wary when he starts a relationship with a girl, and I will not be happy if her mum/dad/brother/uncle etc.. threatens my son for no reason or jumps to conclusions about his intentions just because he is male.

I am sure these teachers have no problem telling boys to cut their hair short or girls to wear shorts under their dress

Again though you're talking about your own individual situation and I am talking about society, trends etc. Consent for example is now being taught in schools but it has a different emphasis for girls and boys because largely it is boys who will both be in trouble for not getting or understanding consent. As we live in a culture where rape jokes are considered acceptable for many. It isn't generally boys who need protection, it's girls as they are primarily the targets of rape, assault, harassment etc. I know that's tough but that's the reality.

walking Just regarding assault. On every article I have read about underage boys being taken advantage of by female teachers, most of the comments were jokes and people laughing about how lucky he is. These comments are mainly from men.
When I've seen articles about the same thing but the genders switched, there were no jokes at all. Everyone is disgusted, which is right of course. And you get loads of men angry about a man having sex with an underage girl. But boys going through the same thing but with a woman is trivialised.
I'm not sure that boys are totally safe.

Rape jokes are disgusting and are totally unacceptable. But so are these vile jokes about 13 year old boys gagging for sex.

No I agree, both scenarios are equally disgusting. But, we know that it is girls and women who are more at risk from these attacks perhaps with the exception of paedophilia where both boys and girls are at risk. We live in a world where white male privilege exists, that is simply a fact. You generally don't get a gang of girls passing a boy in a car shouting "get your cock out!".......but girls endure this and worse on a daily basis. I've been sexually assaulted 3 times, I do not know one male who has. I think we have to accept that certain groups are more at risk and we do.

I'm not disputing that women are more at risk from violence and sexual assault. I'm just saying that when it happens to men it shouldn't be shrugged off with "but it happens to women more" because it doesn't happen as much to men.

I still don't think little boys are stronger than little girls. That's why I feel so against making it out that they are. Perhaps when my ds is older I will feel the need to tell him it's worse to hit girls because of the size difference. But at the moment they all look the same! A girl could push him over just as much as he could her.

LongWavyHair, I agree with the teacher/pupil thing. I have been told, I don't have the statistics so this is just hearsay but someone on here might know if it is true, that male teachers are statistically more likely to be imprisoned than female teachers for a sexual relationship with a pupil. Regardless of the legal outcome the two things seem to be viewed very differently by many people.

I don't mean I agree that it is funny that a female teacher takes advantage of a boy, I mean I agree many people seem to have a different attitude to it.

Some things just do not need to be changed. And yes it is far worse, just because it is.

Wow what an impressive argument. You do realise other opinions are available?

I do agree girls should not hit either. Sometimes, men start hating women because they grew up where their mothers did abused them

I agree like everyone else on this thread that no one has the right to put their hands on another. However, boys have a different psychological make up, coupled with social aspects of society whether people wish to believe that or not. It is and will always be worse for a boy to hit a girl.

It is and will always be worse for a boy to hit a girl.

No it really won't 'always be worse' at all!

Lets agree to disagree on this Piglet. In an ideal world it would be different. The world is not ideal at this moment in time so, yes it is worse.

I learned Don't hit a man unless you are ready to get your ass whipped like a man.

yes it is worse.

Like to see you say that to my family member who was nearly killed by his exW.

How would that conversation go exactly....

Same happened to my DD when she was little. At After School Club a boy who's known to be a bully, hit her. & she hit him back. She's only little (now aged 23 & 5ft tall) but gave as good as she got and more. I was telephoned to come to get her, when I got there they wanted to give her a dressing down in front of me.

Told them plain - my child is NOT going to learn that when anyone one hits her, she has to accept it - & certainly not when boy hits her. Then I told her I was proud of her for defending herself. I don't care if that sounds bad. This boy only ever hit girls...& his mum was going on as if her precious boy was beyond reproach. A taste of own medicine does some people good, they don't understand anything else and I can't be bothered to be pc about it

IME boys are more likely to get away with hitting girls, than girls are. Its not admitted though. But when the school bully is a boy, you try getting something done about it and see

Hope your DD is feeling better now OP & I fully understand how you feel

It isn't always worse though, I'm not sure how you can actually say that. Mostly worse when it's just hands but not always.

Well my boys know not to hit girls because it's not the gentlemanly way to behave. It's as simple as that.

I suppose if this concept is not something people "get", then there's not really much to say.

It's not all about size and strength or potential for DV (though I don't underestimate the importance of that message) It's about how we relate to each other as male and female - the differences and the particular dynamics. Some people seem hell-bent on some kind of gender-neutral "sameness" as if that's all there is. Maybe those are the kind of relationships they seek and that's fair enough, it does all feel very flat and utilitarian to me.

The thread was about 8 year olds. Your boys should know not to hit anyone because you want them to be gentle men.

It is absolutely absurd to be teaching 8 year olds anything other than hitting people is wrong. The teacher did not need to "rant" ( if she did) but she was right.

Well my boys know not to hit girls because it's not the gentlemanly way to behave. It's as simple as that

^Precisely

We live in a world where patriarchy, sexism, boys matter more than girls bombards us. Boys/men are mostly physically stronger too. I don't want any reinforcement of that, nor compliance with it by excusing male on female bullying with some bland 'we're all the same' blurb. No - we are not.. I

I wish everyone would reinforce with boys that its entirely unacceptable to hit (unless in self-degence, Im dubious about turn the other cheek mostly) but it is PARTICULARLY abhorrent to hit a girl/woman. Why should that be wrong?

No excuse for 'precious sons'