Refused breastfeeding in a store

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So I went out for the day with 9mo DS. Thinking I'd just be gone a few hours, so could feed him when I got home. So wore a very feeding-unfriendly dress. Covered chin to knee with no openings.

As it turned out he wouldn't nap so instead of getting public transport home I walked in an effort to get a pram nap. Didn't work either.

On the way I picked up an item I'd ordered from a naice clothes shop chain, on Kings Rd where I was the only customer in the store. I spent £££ on the item and asked the lady if she minded if I quickly popped into one of the change rooms to feed the baby as he was probably dehydrated by this time. She said no, it was a health and safety issue. English wasn't her first language so I repeated myself slightly differently to ensure I was understood... I'd just be taking my dress off on the change room and sitting on the stool... she said no, not possible, but there is a Starbucks two doors down, I should try there.
As I wasn't keen to remove my dress in Starbucks, I carried on home as quickly as possible in order to get some milk into him (I had offered him water a number of times but he's not very keen on that yet).

Before I make any kind of official complaint... I ask you all, was IBU to do this? What are the legal rights of people to bf in a shop? I could obviously have pretended I was tying on a dress, taken baby in there and done it anyway...
And surely it's not actually a healthy and safety thing... folks get up to all sorts in dressing cubicles.

I'm with @Nikephorus - my intention is not to become some dailymailesque event... would much rather policy just gets better enforced and new mums have as easy as possible a time of getting out and about with babies.

I don't think naming the store is helpful as long as they take on board the message. Which they have done:
...
Firstly, we would like to apologise for the service you have received while visiting our Kings Road Store as this is not the level of service we expect for our customers.

Please be assured that we have taken this further to ensure that this does not happen again to yourself or anyone else in the future.

We have also escalated this to our Manager who will be in contact as soon as this has been investigated further.

We appreciate your patience regarding this however if there is anything we can help assist you with at the moment please do not hesitate to contact us.
...

Perfect response, really. The only thing I could potentially raise now is the toilet comment that a PP noticed in their policy... but hardly worth the effort given they don't have toilet facilities. Unless anyone else has any ideas? Otherwise I'm pretty content with that.

I think that was a pretty decent response. I'd be interested to see if they do follow it back up with you, but hopefully if nothing else they improve their training and remind their staff of their policy. I guess it could have been a case of the woman not knowing what the policy was, but I think in that situation she could have used her discretion. Especially so since you were the only one in store and there weren't hoards or people clamouring for a changing room. It's what I would have done even if I'd only been there a day!

Also yes, I agree it is likely pointless mentioning the toilets comment further. I guess since they don't have a requirement to provide toilets for the public then it's possible that no stores have them? It does seem strange to specifically mention that they don't have them though- suggesting they would send you there if they did. Surely a statement of "we are unable to provide dedicated breastfeeding facilities within our stores, however it is our policy to facilitate increased privacy if required or requested" would be enough?

Obviously you already know and have had pointed out to you that it really wasn't smart to wear 'normal' clothes with no access to the jubilees when with your bf baby. Especially at 9 months!

But we've all been there. I was so happy to start wearing some normal clothes again when I stopped! We've all been caught out in one way or another. Recently I forgot to take out any bottles with me . If I were in that situation I would have just gotten home as fast as possible. I don't think she shop were correct in how they handled the situation, you weren't going to be doing any harm and at 9 months a bf lasts around 5-10 mins anyways so hardly would take up the cubical for too long.

Hopefully you're never in that situation again and their staff learn from this mistake

I despair at all the attempts at mum shaming on here. You can't plan every outing around feeds and after 9 months bf who wouldn't fancy wearing something a bit different for a change? And of course baby will always pick the most difficult, awkward time to need a feed/fill his nappy/be clingy or whatever. Why must we be so judgemental?

Anyway, great outcome op! I think you did absolutely the right thing. Whatever the law states, allowing you to use the changing room for privacy would have been the kind thing to do. Particularly since you were a paying customer.

Wow - how many on here have concluded that the shop acted illegally - the mind boggles!

She didn't stop you breastfeeding though, she said that you couldn't use the stores changing cubicle for feeding. She didn't throw you out for removing clothing, perhaps just wear suitable clothing, or find a mother and baby room but don't let her potentially lose her job because you picked out the wrong outfit.

There was absolutely no reason for her not to use the changing room, the whole shop was empty all the time the op was there and there were 4 changing rooms!

After spending a lot of money in the shop the least they could do was let her have 10 minutes to feed her baby. Nobody else would even have known what she was doing if any other customer had ever appeared.

Doesnt matter if its technically 'legal' or not, it was a customer service opportunity, it was the nice thing to do. It wouldnt have been detrimental to the store at all, quite the opposite. OP could have been writing an email to the store to praise the assistant for being helpful and understanding instead of complaining about her.

Pretty fair response from the company OP, usually takes a lot more to get a response from some companies, let us know what the manager says when they get back to you.

The OP was perfectly reasonable.

Great response!

Well done for taking the time to write.

I'd have just grabbed an item and gone in as one pp said.

But yes she was being u.

Why shouldn't the OP name and shame.
Because if it's the case of one employee making a mistake (or even getting it deliberately wrong) then you have to give the company a chance to sort it. OP has done the right thing here. If it happened again with the same employee then it would again be a matter for the company but to take disciplinary action against the employee just the same as they would if she was getting something else wrong - whether it's a verbal warning or a written one. It would be different if it was a company-wide policy to break the law (I don't know what the law is on breastfeeding) but people make mistakes. The decent thing is to let them rectify them.

I can't ever imagine being cheeky enough to expect to use a changing room for feeding when there is a parents room not far away.

I had this is BHS. Big changing room area and plenty were free but the lady manning the changing area refused. I can't remember her excuse but I kicked up a fuss and questioned her which is so unlike me. So much so that a lady superior to her stepped in and said I could go on through and how she was a bf mum and understands. So that was a fantastic two fingers up at the woman who said I couldn't.

I find it hard to believe that the right to breastfeed in public extends to the right to breastfeed in the changing room of a shop. That is not a public place. Although the H and S excuse is clearly bull.

It doesn't. All of these "it's illegal" posts are very silly.

I keep re-reading this threads title and it's annoying me.
You were not refused to breastfeed. And as someone who has actually been humiliated when breastfeeding in public in the early days, I'm actually annoyed that you've made such a click bait title.

To the legality:
Shops don't have to provide private spaces to breastfeeding mums, but they cannot object to breastfeeding in spaces that are open to female customers. Even if that space is a changing room in a busy shop.
So in this situation, the OP couldn't have gone out the back into an employee-only area without permission, (for instance,) but she could - even after the the employee said she couldn't - have gone through to the changing room and breastfed baby, and it would have been illegal for the employee to ask her to leave.
Of course, in that case it can cause confrontation that OP may quite understandably not wish to deal with.

Glad to hear the shop has responded promptly and positively, OP!

From the shop's reply it just sounds like one member of staff wasn't aware. So it's a bit of a storm in a teacup now.

Well, having spent several years working in a small clothes shop on the Kings Road, I'd like to congratulate you OP for passing the buck for your bad decisions down to some minimum wage retail worker who may well face a disciplinary action as a result of your thoughtlessness.

It was not her fault that you chose to wear an outfit that was inappropriate for breastfeeding. It was not her fault that the only way you were able to breastfeed your child was by getting undressed. It was not her fault that you were unable to breastfeed your child on the shop floor, at the bus stop, or anywhere else you happened to be, because your desire to wear a pretty dress was more important to you than the possibility that your child might need to be fed. You got yourself in that situation, and decided to kick up a stink when somebody else didn't rectify your mistake for you.

There are few things that get my back up more than entitled Mum's who think the world should revolve around them and their baby. FFS next time just wear a shirt and jeans, and save your lovely autumn dresses for when you aren't breastfeeding your child.

It was not her fault that you chose to wear an outfit that was inappropriate for breastfeeding. It was not her fault that the only way you were able to breastfeed your child was by getting undressed.
But it was her fault - or her manager's fault - that she thought it okay to (wrongly,) tell a paying customer that the customer couldn't use one of the empty changing rooms for five or ten minutes to breastfeed her baby.
Some women are uncomfortable with breastfeeding in public, due to culture, religion, shyness, or other personal issues.
So regardless of what a breastfeeding mum wears, she may still want to be able to go and sit down in private to breastfeed if caught short, rather than whip her breast out while standing up in the middle of a shop. And legally, she is allowed to do that (use the changing room.)
So while of course it's best to wear practical clothing, that wouldn't necessarily solve this issue, and while I hope the employee isn't disciplined, she does need to know that actually yes, breastfeeding mums are allowed to use a changing room to feed their baby.

Yabu

Well said Angelo.

Storm in a teacup mostly caused by the OP.

Bravo, Angelo.

Please see the distinction between equality and entitlement.

"Storm in a teacup mostly caused by the OP."

It seems so, doesn't it?

Did we ever discover whether or not Ops baby even needed a feed?

angelo, what a mean post, it is not the mother's fault in the least and it is not a storm in a teacup, the more women bring attention to this kind of thing, the more likely it is to stop happening- its wrong - plain and simple, a woman is not being entitled because she wants to breastfeed her baby!