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AIBU?

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Original poster

Refused breastfeeding in a store

363 replies

cakeandteajustforme · 07/09/2017 10:05

So I went out for the day with 9mo DS. Thinking I'd just be gone a few hours, so could feed him when I got home. So wore a very feeding-unfriendly dress. Covered chin to knee with no openings.

As it turned out he wouldn't nap so instead of getting public transport home I walked in an effort to get a pram nap. Didn't work either.

On the way I picked up an item I'd ordered from a naice clothes shop chain, on Kings Rd where I was the only customer in the store. I spent £££ on the item and asked the lady if she minded if I quickly popped into one of the change rooms to feed the baby as he was probably dehydrated by this time. She said no, it was a health and safety issue. English wasn't her first language so I repeated myself slightly differently to ensure I was understood... I'd just be taking my dress off on the change room and sitting on the stool... she said no, not possible, but there is a Starbucks two doors down, I should try there.
As I wasn't keen to remove my dress in Starbucks, I carried on home as quickly as possible in order to get some milk into him (I had offered him water a number of times but he's not very keen on that yet).

Before I make any kind of official complaint... I ask you all, was IBU to do this? What are the legal rights of people to bf in a shop? I could obviously have pretended I was tying on a dress, taken baby in there and done it anyway...
And surely it's not actually a healthy and safety thing... folks get up to all sorts in dressing cubicles.

OP posts:
Daydreamerbynight · 07/09/2017 11:29

Sometimes with a baby, it's not always possible to plan your route around breastfeeding facilities. I agree that more appropriate clothing can be worn however.

Original poster
cakeandteajustforme · 07/09/2017 11:32

@Raizel thanks that's really helpful.

So basically I just shouldn't have asked - then there would be no onus on them? But if someone had an accident in the store even after they had been told they could use a particular chair/space surely there is no change to liability?

OP posts:
Orangebird69 · 07/09/2017 11:33

The shop assistant wasn't refusing to allow you to breastfeed in her shop. She was saying you couldn't use the changing room. I fail to see how she's broken the law tbh.Hmm

FaithHopeCharityDesperation · 07/09/2017 11:33

The point now is that I have the opportunity to help the store improve their policy/training for staff such that should someone want to feed their baby in one of their stores in future, they won't be met with such unhelpful staff

Surely the point now is that you have realised that you need to think about your clothing choices?

You chose to go out for an extended period of time with a baby that relies solely on you for hydration, in an outfit that you were unable to breastfeed in.

Original poster
cakeandteajustforme · 07/09/2017 11:34

@calli335 I didn't think of it at the time, and frankly just wanted to get the baby home!

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 07/09/2017 11:34

I wonder if the shop assistant would have seen it differently if the baby was a teeny tiny newborn and not a 9 month old presumably weaned baby?

It shouldn't make a difference of course, just pondering that people would assume a newborn would need feeding immediately but a 9 month old could have a food snack.

Original poster
cakeandteajustforme · 07/09/2017 11:36

@FaithHopeCharityDesperation but even if I was wearing different clothing and I'd asked and received the same response, should I have had to go to the Starbucks? No. Once a staff member has told you you can't bf in their change room it would take a bit of guts to sit in the shoe-trying-on space and feed him anyway....

OP posts:
BlackStripedCat · 07/09/2017 11:37

I can't help but think you are pushing to make a point here. Yes ok she should have let you, however, I would be concerned if a 9 month old would not drink water and you should not have gone out in a BF unsuitable outfit

Was there only one changing room? In the Kings Room where space is at a premium I could well imagine this

ICJump · 07/09/2017 11:38

I think the op was treated less favourable because if she'd got her shoes and said. I just need to sit for a minute as feel a bit faint the shop assistant wouldnt have sent her down the road.

plantsitter · 07/09/2017 11:39

They may not be legally obliged but you are not legally obliged to attend your money there either. And neither are we. I would not didn't my money in a shop that didn't allow someone to breastfeed in an empty cubicle, so let me know which shop it is and I won't shop there again...

plantsitter · 07/09/2017 11:40

Ugh just ignore that post too full of autocorrect typos to even bother trying to explain!! Sorry!!

FaithHopeCharityDesperation · 07/09/2017 11:41

It if you'd been wearing suitable clothing, then why would you have requested a private space to bf?

You would have just done it, surely?

You said yourself that the reason you wanted a private space was due to your clothing.

Orangebird69 · 07/09/2017 11:42

ICJump since when did feeling poorly equate to bfing?? Fgs.

Original poster
cakeandteajustforme · 07/09/2017 11:43

Ok I've requested their policy via email.

OP posts:
Daydreamerbynight · 07/09/2017 11:45

Faith, outside of the OP's situation, having BF clothes doesn't always equate to not wanting a private space to BF.

PrincessWonderRabbit · 07/09/2017 11:47

See I would never have asked - just grabbed any old item and gone in. In fact thats exactly what I've done before.My attitude to breastfeeding has never been to ask or apologise or draw attention to it. It seems to work as no one has ever commented and have been publicly breastfeeding 2 children for at least 3 years...

That's beyond "not making a fuss" that's actively being deceitful about breastfeeding (by bringing in random clothing) which is ridiculous.

It's also stupid as if she hadn't been honest and disappeared for twenty minutes in a small boutique it wouldn't have been very obvious and brought up loads of questions from the shop

Orangebird69 · 07/09/2017 11:48

Daydreamer then you're best off staying indoors. Nowhere is obliged to provide a private space for bfing.

PrincessWonderRabbit · 07/09/2017 11:49

Amazed by all these people who never got caught out in a year of breast feeding with the wrong outfit.

Orangebird69 · 07/09/2017 11:51

Princess, I'm still bfing my 22mo and have never been 'caught out'. If ds is with me, I wear suitable attire. It's not difficult.

FV45 · 07/09/2017 11:52

I would not have felt comfortable not asking but just taking an item of clothing in as if trying it on. The reason being that I would not relax knowing that I might take longer than would be reasonably expected to try clothes on.

I often asked if I could use a changing room while out and about when my DSs were at the curious stage. I just wanted them to nurse to sleep while I inelegantly scarfed down some food so I could have a couple of precious hours (full time working) to shop.

FaithHopeCharityDesperation · 07/09/2017 11:52

Faith, outside of the OP's situation, having BF clothes doesn't always equate to not wanting a private space to BF.

I understand that, but places are not obligated to provide private spaces for breastfeeding - they are just not permitted to stop you from breastfeeding.

The OP wanted the shop to provide her with a private space to breastfeed as she had chosen to wear a dress that she was unable to breastfeed in.

ICJump · 07/09/2017 11:58

No feeling poorly isn't the same as breastfeeding. It was an analogy.
But my point is if the op had asked to sit for a minute in an empty change room it's unlikely she would have been refused. She was refused because of breastfeeding.

Willow2017 · 07/09/2017 11:58

I think after spending £££ on something in the empty shop it would be the least they could do to let you BF in a changing room! There were 3 other cubicles empty for any other customer.

What a way to treat customers. H&S nonsense.

Daydreamerbynight · 07/09/2017 12:03

OrangeBird69. That's a fantastic response, I hope other new breastfeeding mothers don't see it.

I was referring to the fact that whilst some mothers wear breastfeeding clothes, they may still prefer to find suitable facilities rather than feed in public. Feeding on public might be a last resort for some

NoProblemForMe · 07/09/2017 12:03

It was an analogy.

I'm not sure that word means what you think it means.

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