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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Refused breastfeeding in a store

363 replies

cakeandteajustforme · 07/09/2017 10:05

So I went out for the day with 9mo DS. Thinking I'd just be gone a few hours, so could feed him when I got home. So wore a very feeding-unfriendly dress. Covered chin to knee with no openings.

As it turned out he wouldn't nap so instead of getting public transport home I walked in an effort to get a pram nap. Didn't work either.

On the way I picked up an item I'd ordered from a naice clothes shop chain, on Kings Rd where I was the only customer in the store. I spent £££ on the item and asked the lady if she minded if I quickly popped into one of the change rooms to feed the baby as he was probably dehydrated by this time. She said no, it was a health and safety issue. English wasn't her first language so I repeated myself slightly differently to ensure I was understood... I'd just be taking my dress off on the change room and sitting on the stool... she said no, not possible, but there is a Starbucks two doors down, I should try there.
As I wasn't keen to remove my dress in Starbucks, I carried on home as quickly as possible in order to get some milk into him (I had offered him water a number of times but he's not very keen on that yet).

Before I make any kind of official complaint... I ask you all, was IBU to do this? What are the legal rights of people to bf in a shop? I could obviously have pretended I was tying on a dress, taken baby in there and done it anyway...
And surely it's not actually a healthy and safety thing... folks get up to all sorts in dressing cubicles.

OP posts:
MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 07/09/2017 10:52

FizzyGreenWater your understanding of the law is incorrect.

FaithHopeCharityDesperation · 07/09/2017 10:52

Do you often make him go for 5 & half hours with no fluid intake?

MB134 · 07/09/2017 10:54

Legally, they have no right and you should tell your council, I think they can get fined £2000

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 07/09/2017 10:54

I don't understand why you would complain to the shop but wouldn't go to Peter Jones to feed? Confused

kaytee87 · 07/09/2017 10:55

The only source of hydration your 9 month old child gets is breast milk?

Quite common in breastfed babies and totally ok

KatyBerry · 07/09/2017 10:55

FizzyGreen - the equalities act does not place any person under an obligation to permit breastfeeding mothers to use their facilities to do so. It simply prevents them from being able to refuse / stop them. OP didn't want to breastfeed IN PUBLIC (nb a shop changing room is not a public place, it is a private business premises) because she was poorly dressed to do so. She wanted to be able to use a business' facilities for another purpose to enable her to do something she wanted to do in private because of her attire.

The Act is intended to stop people from discriminating against people because they are breastfeeding - ie to throw them out of somewhere / stop them feeding. It is absolutely not there to ensure that private businesses need to accommodate people and make arrangements to permit them to do so. It's very different.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 07/09/2017 10:56

YY ^^ what Katy said.

Honestly, so MUCH bollocks being spouted on this thread about it being illegal 🙄

Daydreamerbynight · 07/09/2017 11:01

Next time just start undressing on the shop floor Wink

KatyBerry · 07/09/2017 11:01

You're so outraged about teh shop not putting YOUR personal needs above their business that you seem to forget that ideally you should be putting your child's personal needs before your naice boutique shopping jaunt (would it make a difference if it had been Top Shop and not a naice King's Road store?) and either (a) wear suitable clothing (even if you fancy your autumn dress) / (b) time your outing appropriately around your child's routine feed times / (c) time yourself to be at the end of king's road where there are adequate facilities to enable to you feed
You had multiple far more appropriate options but you're angry because someone wouldn't accommodate your whims.

Daydreamerbynight · 07/09/2017 11:03

Yes, because on demand feeding is all about timing.

cakeandteajustforme · 07/09/2017 11:04

Ok, calm down about my baby suffering people!

I did mention in the OP I offered him water throughout the afternoon. He also had lunch at noon!

@movingonup why would I go and use the facilities of a different store where I was not a customer in a different direction from home nearing peak hour when my baby needs dinner in half an hour? You tell me.

Back to the real questions - I'm still not sure where the actual line is for the legalities. Can I summarise what I think I've heard?

So I could have just sat down and fed him. I could have taken off my dress to do so (suppose it wouldn't have counted as public indecency, was still wearing tights and underwear!). But I couldn't legally have taken up a private area of the shop had someone requested I do it elsewhere.

Stepping back from this a bit, it's a bit sad really. I never usually would have been in a position to ask because usually I'd just go to a park bench or whatever and I've never had any issue with bf in public. Generally it has been a positive experience in central London with its many cultures and views. But if I was less confident at bf and had always wanted to seek out a more private space then I'd have been more likely to come across this type of reaction?

OP posts:
Daydreamerbynight · 07/09/2017 11:05

And never go out OP!! Grin

KatyBerry · 07/09/2017 11:05

this isn't on demand feeding ffs, it's a 9month old child who's been taken on a shopping trip down teh kings road and "might" be dehydrated after five hours without being fed

FizzyGreenWater · 07/09/2017 11:05

Yep that's what I said about the grey area. She did stop her feeding - she told her she couldn't.

I've simply linked and mused on what I think the grey area would be.

You are wrong about the shop aka 'private business premises'

www.maternityaction.org.uk/advice-2/mums-dads-scenarios/6-breastfeeding-rights/breastfeeding-in-public-places/

Breastfeeding in Public Places

What does the law say?

The Equality Act 2010 says that it is discrimination to treat a woman unfavourably because she is breastfeeding. It applies to anyone providing services, benefits, facilities and premises to the public, public bodies, further and higher education bodies and association. Service providers include most organisations that deal directly with the public. Service providers must not discriminate, harass or victimise a woman because she is breastfeeding. Discrimination includes refusing to provide a service, providing a lower standard of service or providing a service on different terms. Therefore, a cafe owner cannot ask you to stop breastfeeding or refuse to serve you.

How long does protection apply for?
There is no age restriction, the law protects you for as long as you wish to breastfeed your baby.

Where can a woman breastfeed?
You are protected in public places such as parks, sports and leisure facilities, public buildings and when using public transport such as buses, trains and planes. You are protected in shops, public, restaurants and hotels regardless of how big or small. You are also protected in places like hospitals, theatres, cinemas and petrol stations.

Shop is not private at all as far as the equalities act goes. Which seems pretty obvious really - as if once you go into a shop you're on 'private premises' and they can refuse to serve a black person, for example... Grin

Anyway, back to musing. Grey area (ish). She was in public. If she'd sat down in the changing room and started feeding it would have been illegal to try and stop her. Probably also dodgy (as I said) to say she couldn't once she asked - they could have said you can bf here on this comfy chair as we need the changing rooms and they would probably have been on safer ground. But - to say 'you can't bf, H&S' = totally illegal.

MsPassepartout · 07/09/2017 11:06

I know women are legally entitled to breastfeed in any public area that both they and the baby are allowed in, but I wonder if the changing room is a bit of a grey area?
The shop floor is clearly a public area but I'm unsure whether a changing room would count as one.

Although in your position, I think I'd have just grabbed some clothes and gone into the changing room with the baby without asking whether the shop assistant minded me breastfeeding in there.

Verbena37 · 07/09/2017 11:06

www.maternityaction.org.uk/advice-2/mums-dads-scenarios/6-breastfeeding-rights/breastfeeding-in-public-places/

This explains it exactly. It comes under the 2010 Discrimation Act.

I know you'll know this for the future but you could have either just gone in the cubicle anyway or even sat on the shop floor and they couldn't do anything about it.....although I know you had to remove your dress to feed but you know what I mean.

Great that you're still breastfeeding your Lo at 9 months.Smile

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 07/09/2017 11:07

You can cut and paste all you like. It doesn't stop you fundamentally misunderstanding the law fizzygreenwater Hmm

Please stop with the misinformation.

Daydreamerbynight · 07/09/2017 11:08

Oh, I missed where you stop BF a baby when it wants because of its age. What's the cut off KatyBerry?

Aeroflotgirl · 07/09/2017 11:08

Totally illegal, and unacceptable. So op should be chained to the house and never go out. Some weird ideas on this threadHmm

FizzyGreenWater · 07/09/2017 11:09

'So much bollocks being spouted' - well why don't you two start linking then, KatyBerry and MovingOnUp - ?

Ffs. Although Katy's latest couple of foaming posts at least set her stall out more clearly. OP's 'whim' was to feed her child? Eeek. No more replies needed I think.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 07/09/2017 11:10

Good grief there's more of them...

At least get the name of the law you're misunderstanding/misquoting right: it's The Equality Act 2010.

Verbena37 · 07/09/2017 11:10

It's saying places where the public are allowed to go.....so of course changing rooms!
The fact that the shop is a private premises is irrelevant.
If it were a private nightclub and invitation only then no, you couldn't just pop in to feed your baby but anyway place where the public can openly walk in, like a shop, is fine.

KatyBerry · 07/09/2017 11:10

you missed out the word "demand" dreamer, possibly because you're being deliberately goady. It simply makes you seem thick. I'd suggest that in this instance the cut off was that the child wasn't actually demanding, according to its mother, but simply that after five hours of shopping despite having provided a lunch and water in that time, the OP suspected that the child "might" be dehydrated.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 07/09/2017 11:11

Start linking them up? I have no idea what you are trying to say. I've posted what the legal position is already.

FizzyGreenWater · 07/09/2017 11:11

Like I said then Moving, state the law to me then? With some appropriate cut and pastes of your own perhaps? What I've read seems fairly clear, and to me it says that OP's situation was still a bit of a grey area. All I've disagreed with is Foamy Katy's assertion that a shop is a private space according to the equalities act, which is indeed big hairy bollocks.

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