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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Next doors 5 year old kid has been screaming late at night for the past 3 years. Seriously destroying our quality of life.

305 replies

sleeplessneighbour · 06/09/2017 15:15

They moved in around 3 years ago with their toddler, back then he screamed all day every day. Never ending tantrums. When they put him to bed at 6pm he would scream and yell for up to 2 hrs before finally exhausting himself, but often some time after midnight he would wake up again and start yelling and screaming.

For the first year this happened every single day, and I'm not exaggerating. We called over at one point (with wine and a smile I might add!) to talk to them about it and see if there was a solution we could work out. They were immediately defensive and sent us away saying that this is what kids do and refused to entertain any suggestions of moving him to a different part of the house or attempting to soundproof his room.

Over the years he does it less frequently (around 1/2 times a week) but now he is bigger he is even louder. I hear it through earplugs. It's audible in other rooms of the house and not just the one immediately adjacent to his.

I'm at my wits end. I opened my window one night and yelled at him to 'shut up' as he'd been screaming for 20 mins at 2am and the parents were upstairs in their loft conversion apparently oblivious.

WTF do I do? This is getting past the point of acceptable and has been going on for so long now that I doubt he'll ever grow out of it. Can any parents with experience of kids like this help me with how to approach them? We're a bunch of late 20's/early 30s professionals who have 1 party a year and are early to bed. We cause zero disturbance to any of our neighbours.

Any and all help appreciated, thanks from a desperate bunch of tired people.

OP posts:
MsMommie · 06/09/2017 15:18

I'd have kicked off big time if you screamed out of your window at my 5 year old. Turn on your TV and mind your business. Really.

SandysMam · 06/09/2017 15:19

I would move to a detached property. He's only going to get bigger and louder.

RedForFilth · 06/09/2017 15:19

It's not ideal but I bet they don't exactly love it either. He could have any number of issues causing this. Not much you can do about it apart from move house!
I also doubt you cause zero disturbance as well since everyone makes noise.

StrawberryMummy90 · 06/09/2017 15:21

You shouted 'shut up' at a distressed 5 year old? Hope that made you feel big and clever.

I think you should move! There's really nothing you can do. You have no idea what's going on with the child.

ShatnersWig · 06/09/2017 15:22

MsMommie The OP would probably love to mind her own business but she can't. The neighbours are making it her business by refusing to address whatever is wrong with their child. That behaviour is simply not normal and you'd have to be a bloody saint not to snap at 2am in the morning after YEARS of this. Had you "kicked off" at me after that, you'd have come off the worse (verbally, not physically). Ridiculously selfish. If you really think that, have a bloody word with yourself and think of other people for once.

OP Sad to say, I doubt there is much you can do. I think I'd have left before now but you really shouldn't have to. Sorry.

happypoobum · 06/09/2017 15:23

Really MsMommie "Turn on your tv" - at 2am?????

OP, quite simply, I would move. Yes, neighbours make noise. Children are particularly noisy, but this sounds excessive and I would just go and live somewhere else rather than tolerate it any longer.

Do you own or rent? If you own, and you go to the council complaining about noise etc, you may end up having to declare this if you sell, which isn't exactly going to make selling easy.

Cakescakescakes · 06/09/2017 15:24

My son hasn't autism and can be very loud. He doesn't understand the concept of being quiet at night etc and is a terrible sleeper so is often awake for several hours during the night. There is very very little I can do to get him to be quiet. We have a small house and very understanding neighbours. Don't assume the parents are just ignoring him. You could have no idea what is going on.

amaliaa · 06/09/2017 15:25

Seriously destroying your quality of life? Hmm

What do you think his quality of life is like?

Do you think his parents are happy with the situation? They must be even more sleep deprived than you are.

StarryCorpulentCunt · 06/09/2017 15:27

I would call the police and raise a concern about the child's welfare tbh. It isn't normal for children to scream for hours in the night unattended.

JayoftheRed · 06/09/2017 15:27

My kid used to do this. He still does when he's stressed, because he has ASD and can't cope. He's also only 4, and has PDA too, so can't cope if he hears something he doesn't like. Like shush!

If the parents aren't doing anything about it, then they are either a) halfwits who simply don't give a shit, b) trying to get him to stop it by ignoring (which is clearly not working!) or c) probably crying into their pillows as the child screams at them, hits them and calls them fucking idiots. Which is what my delightful son does.

I know you said that you'd been round to try and discuss it, and got fobbed off, but when my neighbours called social services because my son wouldn't stop screaming (they didn't even bother to come round, let alone with wine!), I'm a little ashamed to say that I poured a torrent of abuse down the phone, and haven't spoken to my neighbours since. I also always put any cat poo I find in my garden over the fence into theirs because I am just that petty. I ought to stop doing that really.

If you think there is any possibility that it could be something like this, then there's probably not a lot that can be done.

If you think a) and that the parents just don't care, then I guess you could speak to environmental health - I know they say that children screaming is part of normal life, but not this much, not at the age of the child and not at the times you mention - not for prolonged periods anyway.

You could try writing a nice letter, saying that you are really struggling with it, and is there anything they can do, is there a problem that you might be able to help with etc - don't attempt to blame them, or anything like that.

Other than that, I think SandysMam has it. Sorry.

krustykittens · 06/09/2017 15:27

So what is she supposed to do in the meantime, cakes? Not her circus, not her monkeys. She needs to sleep and he is not her child! OP, move, you won't get any peace otherwise and hold viewings when he is at school!

PrimalLass · 06/09/2017 15:28

I'd have kicked off big time if you screamed out of your window at my 5 year old. Turn on your TV and mind your business. Really.

FFS. Don't be ridiculous.

PopcornBits · 06/09/2017 15:29

Hahahahahaahahhaahahah your quality of life?! Oh my goodness.

Well I should imagine his parents have no life at all then if that's the case.
Shouting out of your window at 2am to tell a 5 year old to shut up and then saying you make zero noise Hmm

Kids make noise and it's not his parents fault, yes though probably try to do more to stop the tantrums and maybe they have, maybe that's why it's decreased over the years.

So really it's either you deal with it or move. Quite simply really.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 06/09/2017 15:31

I think there is likely to be some additional needs at play it is not common for small children to scream for 2 hours and the parents are probably mortified. That said it is also not fair on you to have to live next door to this level of noise, and suggesting you move is not very helpful (most people cannot just up and move).

I would suggest trying to speak with the parents again about the issue, they might not take it on board, or they may surprise you and have a grown up discussion about the issues at hand at least then you would have some more understanding about why he screams so much.

FallingOrbit · 06/09/2017 15:31

Does the child have any medical condition(s) that you know about?
I can sympathise with you, had a sort of similar situation years ago. Doesn't sound like the parents are remotely bothered by this.

I would imagine that if it were due to a medical condition they would have informed OP when she went round to talk POLITELY AND BEARING GIFTS but they didn't - they dismissed her out of hand.

strawberrypenguin · 06/09/2017 15:32

Not sure why the OP is getting such a hard time here. I don't think many of us would be happy in this situation and she's tried to work with the neighbours in the past and been rebuffed.

OP I think your only real solution is to move I'm afraid.

AccrualIntentions · 06/09/2017 15:33

Hahahahahaahahhaahahah your quality of life?! Oh my goodness. Well I should imagine his parents have no life at all then if that's the case.

Why is it hilarious that the OP cares about their own quality of life? I care about mine, more than I care about my neighbours. Even when I was next to the neighbours who had screaming tantruming children all the fucking time. I don't particularly care if their quality of life was shit, my concern was me and my family.

OP I'd move if you can, doesn't sound like things are going to get better - if you can hear it through earplugs then they've clearly made no effort to consider location of his room or soundproofing measures.

ShatnersWig · 06/09/2017 15:34

To those who seem to think the OP is unreasonable and say things like "kids make noise", it is NOT the case that children scream uncontrollably like this. It just isn't normal. To those who say "you have no idea what's going on" to suggest the child may have issues, if this was the case, then the neighbours could easily and simply explained this when the OP tried to talk about it. That would be reasonable and normal behaviour. To simply get defensive and refuse to even discuss it doesn't suggest to me there is an issue beyond them being the sort of parent who thinks children should just do what the hell the like. That's NOT good parenting.

ikeadyounot · 06/09/2017 15:34

This is outrageous and you shouldn't have to put up with it. Get in touch with the council and see if there's anything that can be done under the definition of nuisance/noise pollution. The parents are clearly in deep denial that anything is wrong, but this is abnormal behaviour that needs addressing.

PaintingByNumbers · 06/09/2017 15:35

As this doesnt sound normal, it is probably going to continue. Move house, dont complain to anyone official about it or you will have to declare it. Unless you think there is abuse, in which case you can anonymously, or not, report it

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 06/09/2017 15:36

So really it's either you deal with it or move. Quite simply really.

Seriously cannot believe that people feel like this. Shock It is not the Ops fault. I'm sure she does indeed make some noise all neighbours do but I don't think anyone should be expected to deal with this level of noise over such a prolonged amount of time and if they dare to suggest tackling the issue be expected to either put up with it or move.

user1499786242 · 06/09/2017 15:36

We had a very similar situation..
we moved to a detached house!
The relief was immense
Because the fact is... children make noise
And there's fuck all a stranger can do about it....

Move!
Before they have another one

RhubardGin · 06/09/2017 15:37

I don't think YABU at all!

So seriously nobody would be a little bit peeved at a child screaming day and night for 3 years with the parents seemingly doing nothing about it?

The kid sounds like a pain in the arse but unfortunately there isn't much you can do if the parents refuse to address the problem.

OP I would be looking at moving elsewhere.

BeepBeepMOVE · 06/09/2017 15:39

Call the social, they are obviously ignoring him. Not right for him to be screaming so much. Certainly not fair on you and other neighbours- they didn't choose to have kids, the parents did.

I would start having very loud parties or garden screenings of south park. Maybe they will start behaving after being on the other end of it.

FluttershysCutieMark · 06/09/2017 15:41

JayoftheRed I sympathise with your situation but this: I also always put any cat poo I find in my garden over the fence into theirs because I am just that petty. I ought to stop doing that really. is really bad and you need to address it.

OP I understand your frustration, does the child have additional needs? I'm not sure what you can do, i would hope the parents are trying to address it. Although I don't think shouting out your window will help the situation. It's sad all round.