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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Next doors 5 year old kid has been screaming late at night for the past 3 years. Seriously destroying our quality of life.

305 replies

sleeplessneighbour · 06/09/2017 15:15

They moved in around 3 years ago with their toddler, back then he screamed all day every day. Never ending tantrums. When they put him to bed at 6pm he would scream and yell for up to 2 hrs before finally exhausting himself, but often some time after midnight he would wake up again and start yelling and screaming.

For the first year this happened every single day, and I'm not exaggerating. We called over at one point (with wine and a smile I might add!) to talk to them about it and see if there was a solution we could work out. They were immediately defensive and sent us away saying that this is what kids do and refused to entertain any suggestions of moving him to a different part of the house or attempting to soundproof his room.

Over the years he does it less frequently (around 1/2 times a week) but now he is bigger he is even louder. I hear it through earplugs. It's audible in other rooms of the house and not just the one immediately adjacent to his.

I'm at my wits end. I opened my window one night and yelled at him to 'shut up' as he'd been screaming for 20 mins at 2am and the parents were upstairs in their loft conversion apparently oblivious.

WTF do I do? This is getting past the point of acceptable and has been going on for so long now that I doubt he'll ever grow out of it. Can any parents with experience of kids like this help me with how to approach them? We're a bunch of late 20's/early 30s professionals who have 1 party a year and are early to bed. We cause zero disturbance to any of our neighbours.

Any and all help appreciated, thanks from a desperate bunch of tired people.

OP posts:
ivenoideawhatimdoing · 06/09/2017 16:51

@gingerh4ir

Who do you think you are, you officious woman?!

How dare you say that! You know nothing of anyone else's life nor certainly what these other poster's go through.

I'm sure OP would love to move to a detached house, we all would! But we all struggle, we're all poor. Join the team.

Also, I agree, having a disabled child is one of the hardest things in the world, it doesn't, however, give you an excuse to act like an utter dick.

Aeviternity · 06/09/2017 16:51

"...and calls them fucking idiots. Which is what my delightful son does."

Where did he hear a phrase like that?

You have my sympathy OP. It doesn't seem like they're going to do anything about it, whether the kid is disabled or not it's still pretty sad.

It's certainly excessive (I have kids. They do not scream.) and you wouldn't be unreasonable to complain to the council so they can offer support or whatever it is they might need. Noise pollution is a thing. You might have to keep a diary, but like I say, daily/nightly screaming isn't right and something needs to be done, and you'll need evidence of its excessive nature.

gingerh4ir · 06/09/2017 16:52

they bought their house for around £1million a few years ago and have been renovating it since. They have a lot of money.

what does this have to do with a crying child??? Confused

Eliza9917 · 06/09/2017 16:52

*"Unless they have soundproofed their loft conversion and sit in peace ignoring him."

This is exactly what I think they've done*

Call the police every time it happens then and tell them you think he's being neglected etc, and keep a log and give that to SS, report to NSPCC for good measure and get the council involved.

Lovemusic33 · 06/09/2017 16:53

haba I think people understand that this child could have ASD or something similar, it's the fact that the parents have not explained anything to the neighbours. They could have said 'I'm really sorry about the noise, xxxxx has ADHD but we do all we can to calm him down at night'. My neighbours know my kids can have outbursts because I have told them, they are understanding, they understand that I try my best to control these situations and I can't do anymore.

Original poster
sleeplessneighbour · 06/09/2017 16:55

gingerh4ir

They aren't in poverty, I am. I live in a house share with 3 other adults. I can't afford to move.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 06/09/2017 16:56

I think it's probably fair to say that most flat dwellers would rather live in detached homes. I'd assume they are living there because that's their price range.

Go and live in a detached house is hilarious advice.

Lillygolightly · 06/09/2017 16:57

Well for those of you berating the OP what would you all feel like if this was happening to you and for a period of 3 years no less. What if this noise was keeping you up at night or worse keeping/waking up your own children.

I'm sure life is indeed very difficult for the parents of this child and I'm sure the OP has sympathy for them, I know I would. Unfortunately sympathy doesn't solve the situation and I'm sure after 3 years (well 5 if child is 5) that the parents would love more than anything for it to be solved too.

A sad situation for all affected and involved. No real solution other than to move or hope it gets better with time.

MorrisZapp · 06/09/2017 16:57

Also I imagine that the solution the op had in mind wasn't how to solve the screaming but how to solve the impact on others.

Soubriquet · 06/09/2017 16:57

gingerh4ir

I'm sure having a severely disabled child must be difficult. I understand that and I bet the OP does too.

But these parents are making no effort to explain anything.

If they had said "I'm so sorry he has ASD and though we are trying, nothing is working at the moment" she would be a lot less frustrated.

As it stands, with no communication, there is no understanding. Just bad moods all around

Daydreamerbynight · 06/09/2017 16:57

Gingerh4ir, as you need to hear it to make you feel better about yourself, then I might not.

ProudAS · 06/09/2017 16:59

So what if the child has autism (the parents' attitude suggests not) and can't help being loud?? It is totally unacceptable that the neighbours should be put through this torment (and I say that as a person with autism). Maybe the neighbours do have no quality of life due to their child's disability but that doesn't mean the OP shouldn't.

All flats, semi-detached homes etc should be soundproofed IMO. Lack of sleep does nobody any good and can be extremely detrimental to the health of some individuals (including those with autism).

MrsKoala · 06/09/2017 17:00

It's really hard if you are the parent of a child like this. The advice is often to leave them to scream. We hired a sleep specialist to help us and she just told us to leave him screaming. We were under a paed assessment but they wouldn't dx till he started school and the sleep lady wouldn't acknowledge any possible SN till a dx was formal. We tried for 3 months with her methods, sticker charts, rewards etc but nothing worked. We just went back to co sleeping. Often the advice from many posters on MN was to leave him to scream too. The paed just said 'do what you've got to do to survive'.

So i do feel sympathy for the neighbours. If they are like us then they may not really know what to do. Follow advice and leave to scream for hours for years because 'they will get it eventually, you just have to be strong' or sleep with a 5 year old in your bed. We have a town house so every room is attached to our neighbours house.

ssd · 06/09/2017 17:00

gosh, this sounds awful op, and for the poor child as well

sadly, all I can think is for you to move.

sleepisthebest · 06/09/2017 17:06

HmmAt all the people saying 'what about their/his quality of life?' With respect, that's not the OPs problem. She has the right to quiet enjoyment of her home. No one minds occasional kid noise, it happens to everyone living in a family area but this is absolutely excessive. If they can't stop the child screaming they need to come to a practical solution to either move his room or soundproof, selfish twats. If I was repeatedly woken at night like that I'd be knocking on their door at 2am.

senua · 06/09/2017 17:07

I think that you give them one last chance: speak to them and tell them that you are on the verge of reporting them to every body possible: NSPCC, Council, Police, SS, the lot unless something is done. You only rent, they own - it's their problem.
Start keeping a log.

Fitzsimmons · 06/09/2017 17:08

Sounds awful OP, and I'm sorry you are getting a hard time on here. You were unreasonable to shout at the child yourself, but I can completely understand why you were driven to do so.

I genuinely think you need to get social services involved. You can make an anonymous report if you wish to do so. It is not normal for a child to scream so much, and it's clear their needs are not getting met.

eddielizzard · 06/09/2017 17:10

do you have their home phone number? i wonder if you called them to tell them their child was screaming? risk is they just ignore you of course.

i would consider reporting this - parent neglect.

i'd also start saving and looking around. this is completely unbearable. yanbu

septembersunshine · 06/09/2017 17:12

Op, you can't really stop the noise. I would move house if you can afford it.

purplecorkheart · 06/09/2017 17:12

If you own the house it might be worth seeing if insulation can be pumped into the adjoining walls to act as sound proofing. It will also reduce down your heating bill. I would be asking the neighbours to pay half.

dolcezza99 · 06/09/2017 17:13

Report them to social services, OP. I would. Or the council's noise abatement team. This is unacceptable.

PresentlyTense · 06/09/2017 17:16

If nothing changes, i' d go down the parent neglect route. S.S knocking on their door might be a wake up call!!

maxthemartian · 06/09/2017 17:17

It's not the OPs problem if the neighbours and their child are having a shit quality of life. He's their offspring and they chose to have him. OP made no such choice.

Emilybrontescorsett · 06/09/2017 17:17

Yes to ringing the police saying you are. Wry worried about the screaming child next door.
If it continues social services.
It is not acceptable.
The parents should be soundproofing their house and dealing with their child.

FrancisCrawford · 06/09/2017 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.