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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Next doors 5 year old kid has been screaming late at night for the past 3 years. Seriously destroying our quality of life.

305 replies

sleeplessneighbour · 06/09/2017 15:15

They moved in around 3 years ago with their toddler, back then he screamed all day every day. Never ending tantrums. When they put him to bed at 6pm he would scream and yell for up to 2 hrs before finally exhausting himself, but often some time after midnight he would wake up again and start yelling and screaming.

For the first year this happened every single day, and I'm not exaggerating. We called over at one point (with wine and a smile I might add!) to talk to them about it and see if there was a solution we could work out. They were immediately defensive and sent us away saying that this is what kids do and refused to entertain any suggestions of moving him to a different part of the house or attempting to soundproof his room.

Over the years he does it less frequently (around 1/2 times a week) but now he is bigger he is even louder. I hear it through earplugs. It's audible in other rooms of the house and not just the one immediately adjacent to his.

I'm at my wits end. I opened my window one night and yelled at him to 'shut up' as he'd been screaming for 20 mins at 2am and the parents were upstairs in their loft conversion apparently oblivious.

WTF do I do? This is getting past the point of acceptable and has been going on for so long now that I doubt he'll ever grow out of it. Can any parents with experience of kids like this help me with how to approach them? We're a bunch of late 20's/early 30s professionals who have 1 party a year and are early to bed. We cause zero disturbance to any of our neighbours.

Any and all help appreciated, thanks from a desperate bunch of tired people.

OP posts:
ChicRock · 06/09/2017 16:11

Phone 999 and report that a child has been screaming for some time - either tell them you're concerned that someone is harming him - or say that as you can't hear anyone making any attempt to stop him you're concerned that the parents have gone out and left him at home alone.

A police visit at 2am might buck their ideas up.

x2boys · 06/09/2017 16:13

My son also has autism be went through an awful phase between 3 and 5 where he would wake for hours sometimes crying and screaming thankfully his sleep pattern is tons better now he still screams a lot and I,m covered in scratches from the six week holiday and his frustration but he does at least sleep it isn't fun .

PresentlyTense · 06/09/2017 16:13

You poor thing. Sounds horrendous. I'd call social services, and the council as well.

MummytoCSJH · 06/09/2017 16:13

Most people here are clearly THOSE types of neighbours - I'd call the police. At best there is something the police will do to help the parents and at worst they will get a warning which will hopefully show them how bad the situation actually is. If they have gotten used to it they may not realise how bad it actually is for you!

Pizzaexpressreview · 06/09/2017 16:15

We used to have 20mins screaming around 2am often as child had night terrors and wasn't even aware I was there. We'd get "mummy I don't like it!" screamed at full blast I'm amazed No one reported us. She just wasn't awake though and even though I sat with her she was in her night terror. Thankfully she didn't remember it.

Being left to cry for 2 hours sounds more like controlled crying that isn't working though:(

gingerh4ir · 06/09/2017 16:15

We called over at one point (with wine and a smile I might add!) to talk to them about it and see if there was a solution we could work out.

I have a non sleeping screaming child with severe ASD. I'd love to hear your simple work it out solution. Trust me, the parents are probably at their wit's end and can do without you judgemental snobbery.

If you want to ensure you dont have screaming neighbours, you need to move to a remote detached house.

Soubriquet · 06/09/2017 16:17

SS without a doubt

Something needs to be done here. It's not fair on you and it's not fair on the child to be left like this.

zzzzz · 06/09/2017 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minoandolphin · 06/09/2017 16:18

just soundproof your room

Easy peasy. Seriously, do some posters on here have some sort of fund for dealing with problems caused by neighbours children?

waterrat · 06/09/2017 16:18

ss???? the OP has absolutely no idea what is happening when she hears screaming - as she said it only happens ocassionally now - I think we can safely presume the parents are desperate for it to stop as well!

The OP has no way of knowing what the parents are doing or not doing while the child is screaming.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 06/09/2017 16:18

I feel for you OP. It sounds dreadful. You should not be the one to move, your neighbours should be.

Eliza9917 · 06/09/2017 16:19

Just soundproof your room. He clearly has something up with him. Be it special needs or medical. The parents would put a stop to the screaming if they could

Unless they have soundproofed their loft conversion and sit in peace ignoring him.

DadDadDad · 06/09/2017 16:19

It's totally understandable that you are desperate about this situation.

One thing you haven't described is seeing this child during the day. Presumably, you've seen him with his parents - how does he behave? if he's having a tantrum, what are his parents doing?

x2boys · 06/09/2017 16:20

But when my child was screaming like that he wasent being left he sleeps with me anyway ,but I do tell my neighbours about his disabilities .

Eliza9917 · 06/09/2017 16:20

*We called over at one point (with wine and a smile I might add!) to talk to them about it and see if there was a solution we could work out.

I have a non sleeping screaming child with severe ASD. I'd love to hear your simple work it out solution. Trust me, the parents are probably at their wit's end and can do without you judgemental snobbery.

If you want to ensure you dont have screaming neighbours, you need to move to a remote detached house.*

Soundproof your house so the noise of your child doesn't affect everyone else, maybe?

SunnyCoco · 06/09/2017 16:20

This must be awful for you
I guess all you can do is

  • speak to the parents again
  • keep a log book of times / description of every disturbance and contact your local noise and nuisance team at the council
  • log a concern for his welfare with social services
  • sound proof your room as much as possible

I really feel for you, sleep deprivation from someone else's child is the pits

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 06/09/2017 16:21

If you want to ensure you dont have screaming neighbours, you need to move to a remote detached house.

Firstly the OP doesn't know if the child has additional needs as this has never been discussed with her we are only speculating due to the length of time it has gone on for. Secondly as stated previously it is not as simple as just moving house, that cost money and time and maybe the OP likes her current house. Also by the above statement surely the onus would be on the parents to move so their child did not disrupt others, not the other way around. Confused

ivenoideawhatimdoing · 06/09/2017 16:22

@gingerh4ir

If she can hear him through the wall, I assume she can hear the parents not coming. Her solution was not to 'fix him', she (as stated up thread) wanted to see if they'd move him to a different room or sound proof his.

Don't be so rude. She's come here for help and advise not, at one point has she been 'judgemental or snobby'. She has put up with this for three years without a word until she has broken and shouted, unassumingly recently.

They need additional support and she needs a break. Have a bit of bloody empathy.

Athena404 · 06/09/2017 16:23

mino it's exacty what she told them to do so she should take her own advice

coddiwomple · 06/09/2017 16:24

ss???? the OP has absolutely no idea what is happening when she hears screaming

then all the more reasons to report to SS, surely! That's very worrying.

If the parents were trying to do something about the unacceptable behaviour, the very least they could do is apologising to their neighbours. It's not that difficult to behave like a decent human being when you have decided not to live in the middle of nowhere and inflict your racket upon innocent neighbours. By brushing off the neighbours who try to have a word, they just show how little they care. Absolutely unacceptable.

I haven't seen it in the thread, it will make a difference if the antisocial neighbours are home owners, in private rental or LA rental.

UsernameEnvy · 06/09/2017 16:24

Oh come on OP, you don't really need sleep now do you? Just blast the tv and stay up all night, problem solved Hmm.

No ideas how you've lasted this long, I had a screamer upstairs from me, thankfully I was renting and only had to deal with it for 6 months as I left as soon as I could. I do think moving is the only option, the parents clearly don't give a shit who they're disturbing.

Original poster
sleeplessneighbour · 06/09/2017 16:24

Eliza9917

"Unless they have soundproofed their loft conversion and sit in peace ignoring him."

This is exactly what I think they've done :(

We rent, they own. But we lived here for years before they moved in so there wouldn't be a history of complaints from previous neighbours. Sadly I don't have the funds to move, we live in London and detached houses are rare full stop, affordable ones even rarer. But I have lived next door to and even in the same home as young children many times before, I have never experienced anything like this though.

OP posts:
DressedCrab · 06/09/2017 16:24

I agree with contacting the council and Social services. The child may be being mistreated,

AlpacaLypse · 06/09/2017 16:25

My default position is usually to have sympathy with parents of non NT children. We have a couple of ADHD and ASD children in my own extended family and I'm well aware of how difficult caring for them can be. However the level of entitlement being shown by a couple of PPs on this thread is appalling. Refusing to even engage with your neighbours when your child is making their life a misery is not acceptable, whether your child is disabled or not.

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 06/09/2017 16:26

OP please ignore the likes of gingerh4ir. You should NOT have to put up with this, no matter what the situation with the child.

I can't believe some of the posters on here giving the OP a hard time. Clearly they are THOSE parents.