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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the 45p 'business travel mileage' rate isn't for lifts between friends?

128 replies

MelodyNelson10 · 06/09/2017 10:09

This is about something that's kind of over and done with now, so I'm not really looking for advice but I'm still really curious to see whether most people think AIBU or not.

My friend gave me (and others) a lift in a her car a few times last year and the year before. These were for pretty long distances, a couple of hundred miles or so, when we were going to some events together. A hen party of a mutual friend and a music festival, for example.

I'm obviously very grateful to her for driving all that distance. However, at the end of the journey when we asked 'how much do we owe you for petrol?' she would always say that she needed to work it out according to the government's per-mile figure to factor in wear and tear etc. That figure is 45p per mile, waaaay more than just the cost of petrol.

Was this fair? The way I understand it, that figure is intended for people claiming back tax for mileage they've used for business purposes, NOT for charging your friends for lifts! But I'm prepared to be told that I'm wrong here.

I haven't accepted a lift from her in a while and don't intend to, so it's kind of a moot point now anyway. But we are still friends and it plays on my mind sometimes as I can't help feeling like there's something a bit off about the whole thing.

So... AIBU?

OP posts:
SleepFreeZone · 06/09/2017 10:10

I would see how much it cost me in petrol and divide it by the passengers. So no I wouldn't use her system as that's indeed a bit strange.

SayNoToCarrots · 06/09/2017 10:11

Your friend seems nuts. Surely she was going anyway, why wouldn't she just split petrol costs with you?

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 06/09/2017 10:12

That's harsh, you are not BU. I'd just split the cost of petrol. It's different it she was taking you somewhere daily but for this, she's being weird.

Original poster
MelodyNelson10 · 06/09/2017 10:12

Yes SleepFreeZone, that's exactly what I'd expect too. I don't drive (...awaits a flaming for this) but I've always just thought that you split the petrol between you and that's that!

OP posts:
Toblernone · 06/09/2017 10:15

I'd go with her on that but be very strict with it as she's using the strict rates.

So the total has to be divided between everyone in the car (in a business only one person would claim the mileage after all) and that includes her, she's doing the driving but she wanted to go on the trips too, you weren't employing her to go for you so she has to pay a share. Eg, if she took 2 with her 200 miles that's £180 round trip but you'd only pay £60 which I think it's fair enough. Go with her reasoning but take it the whole easy, either it'll work out fair or she'll realise she's being a bit unreasonable.

Roomster101 · 06/09/2017 10:15

I think that strictly speaking it is fair to factor "wear and tear" rather than just petrol for long distances especially as the driver does the work. However, it still seems quite to stingy to charge 45p per mile. It can't have been that much each if you were all in the car though..

ShotsFired · 06/09/2017 10:16

I agree with @SleepFreeZone if it was an event I was going to as well - divvy up the fuel cost and call it quits. They get a ride, I get company!

If I was going hundreds of miles out of my way just to take someone somewhere I wasn't also attending, my friends would probably bung me a bit extra for the hassle on top anyway.

TooManyBigFatLies · 06/09/2017 10:17

Err what??? So she charged all of you 45p even when there was more than one of you in the car. I can't believe you paid. What were you thinking 😂😂. At most you should have only paid 22.5p per mile and that's only if there was one passenger.

Toblernone · 06/09/2017 10:17

*whole way, not whole easy!

Also deduct the tax the 45p would include for starters, am presuming she's not going to be declaring what you pay her? Play her at her own game.

Roomster101 · 06/09/2017 10:18

Yes SleepFreeZone, that's exactly what I'd expect too. I don't drive (...awaits a flaming for this) but I've always just thought that you split the petrol between you and that's that!

If you did drive you would realise that driving a car involves much more in terms of cost than just petrol.

Notreallyarsed · 06/09/2017 10:18

Tbh if it was somewhere I'd be going anyway I wouldn't take fuel money, your friend sounds a bit Hmm
And if it was a situation where I was taking fuel money I'd take what the fuel cost, not extra for wear and tear, that's ridiculous.

TooManyBigFatLies · 06/09/2017 10:18

I'd share the cost of petrol plus pick up the food at any reststops to say thank you for the driver for driving.

KityGlitr · 06/09/2017 10:19

Yeah that's a weird way of working it out. Almost sounds like she's trying to take advantage and hoping to get more money from you than was actually spent on petrol. Perhaps she is genuinely trying to include wear and tear but that doesn't make any sense if she'd have been doing the journey anyway. Is it possible you've been stingy in the past so she feels a bit aggrieved and is trying to make sure she isn't left short in future?

Personally for a massive trip like that as a passenger I'd insist on paying for 75-100% of the petrol as a thank you to her for doing the driving. I'm a driver and a journey that long is pretty stressful, you can't relax, everyone relying on you, and often I get physical health issues like pain from being sat in that position for hours. And it significantly mars my enjoyment of the event knowing that at the end I have to do the journey again! And I'm a confident experienced driver. I will always always get the train or a megabus for a journey longer than 100 miles so I can enjoy myself properly. So I'd pay for all of the petrol to make up for the driver having done that to enable me to attend and relax in the car.

And as a non driver you're never gonna return the favour so it's important to thank her properly at the time, with friends who both drive it evens out over time with taking turns but when it's all one way the passenger should ideally be going above and beyond in thanks. It's probably not gonna cost as much as a train would have done.

KityGlitr · 06/09/2017 10:21

Shotsfired: "I agree with @SleepFreeZone if it was an event I was going to as well - divvy up the fuel cost and call it quits. They get a ride, I get company!"

The company would be in the downsides column for me! I much prefer driving alone with music on. Find it more stressful having someone else there knowing you have to talk for most of the journey, even with best friends!

Original poster
MelodyNelson10 · 06/09/2017 10:21

Sorry, I should have clarified: she did divide the cost between all of us (herself included) so it wasn't 45p each per mile. That really would be ridiculous! But I still feel like it was an awful lot to charge.

And yes, she would have been going anyway although it didn't necessarily have to be her driving, I guess. There were a couple of others who could have driven but it just made sense for us all to share a car.

OP posts:
birdsdestiny · 06/09/2017 10:22

I have paid 400 for my car so far this month excluding petrol. People who don't drive have little understanding of the cost of running a car. The mileage should have been discussed before the journey, she can charge you what she likes them and you can choose to pay or make your own way there.

gobster · 06/09/2017 10:23

Your friend is a nutter

Yes wear and tear occurs but as she was going there herself your presence really makes no difference

As a driver and car owner I know the costs associated with car ownership but I would never dream of charging a friend more that a share of the petrol it bloody ridiculous and incredibly tight

TeacupsAndDaffodils · 06/09/2017 10:23

It doesn't really matter what we think. She is taking into consideration tax & insurance cost, time spent driving everyone, petrol, she may need to get her car serviced for travelling the long journeys. It is her choice to charge, it is your choice to travel another way or pay her what she asks for taking you. How much would a taxi cost? Why didn't you drive yourself or use public transport instead?

Notevilstepmother · 06/09/2017 10:25

I think as she divided it between everyone including herself then it's perfectly fair, long journeys do add to wear and tear, things like tyres aren't cheap.

DoJo · 06/09/2017 10:26

If you did drive you would realise that driving a car involves much more in terms of cost than just petrol.

But business mileage rates compensate you for the wear and tear on your car for a journey that you would not take were it not for the needs of the business. Driving a friend somewhere you were going anyway doesn't involve any more wear and tear (or insurance, tax etc) than driving just yourself.

Toblernone · 06/09/2017 10:26

I think 40p a mile (she shouldn't be including tax!) between everyone in the car sounds ok to me, it's still cheaper and easier than the train and takes into account all car costs, more people does equal more wear etc.

Except she should have said that's how she'd do it before the first journey and everyone should agree on who's driving so you could have the chance to use your car if you wanted to get the money for example.

greendale17 · 06/09/2017 10:26

Friend? Is she really?

Your friend is stingy and a tight arse. Worst of all she is making money out of you. Who the hell charges their friends for wear and tear?

I would be inclined never to accept a lift from her again.

Original poster
MelodyNelson10 · 06/09/2017 10:27

Of course I know that running a car is a lot more expensive than petrol, and I have no problem with paying a bit more than the fuel costs.

But I don't feel that this situation is what the 45p rate was intended for.

Teacups that's why I don't get lifts with her any more! I actually prefer the train tbh and tend to find it cheaper as long as I book far enough in advance. I did suggest the train on these trips but she said it would be easier and more comfortable to drive.

OP posts:
greendale17 · 06/09/2017 10:27

Just to add I am a driver and am fully aware of how much a car costs to run

Allthebestnamesareused · 06/09/2017 10:28

Does she have a company car and is she charged gor private use?