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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the 45p 'business travel mileage' rate isn't for lifts between friends?

128 replies

MelodyNelson10 · 06/09/2017 10:09

This is about something that's kind of over and done with now, so I'm not really looking for advice but I'm still really curious to see whether most people think AIBU or not.

My friend gave me (and others) a lift in a her car a few times last year and the year before. These were for pretty long distances, a couple of hundred miles or so, when we were going to some events together. A hen party of a mutual friend and a music festival, for example.

I'm obviously very grateful to her for driving all that distance. However, at the end of the journey when we asked 'how much do we owe you for petrol?' she would always say that she needed to work it out according to the government's per-mile figure to factor in wear and tear etc. That figure is 45p per mile, waaaay more than just the cost of petrol.

Was this fair? The way I understand it, that figure is intended for people claiming back tax for mileage they've used for business purposes, NOT for charging your friends for lifts! But I'm prepared to be told that I'm wrong here.

I haven't accepted a lift from her in a while and don't intend to, so it's kind of a moot point now anyway. But we are still friends and it plays on my mind sometimes as I can't help feeling like there's something a bit off about the whole thing.

So... AIBU?

OP posts:
theymademejoin · 06/09/2017 12:48

@Roomster101 - but the discussion here is about someone charging more than petrol, not how much people should offer. Totally different.

Roomster101 · 06/09/2017 12:49

Also, if she only preferred to drive if she got mileage from her friends, she should have been clear about that up front. That would have allowed the liftees to make an informed decision on how they should travel.

Perhaps the liftees should have stated upfront that they didn't want to share the full cost of driving there so she could have made an informed decision on whether to drive by herself or get a train.

MTBMummy · 06/09/2017 12:52

I currently don't drive, but used to, and when I get lifts I always work out what I owe based on 45p per mile. I've not been asked for it, but when I'm offered a lift (or DD is offered a lift to a party) I always pay my share.

I'm obviously in the minority, but I think your friend is being fair.

That said it probably should have been discussed up front.

Roomster101 · 06/09/2017 12:54

@Roomster101 - but the discussion here is about someone charging more than petrol, not how much people should offer. Totally different.

As I said, I think it quite tight to charge 45p/mile unless it is a very new car.. However I think OP is also quite tight to only want to pay for petrol.

mummypeepee · 06/09/2017 12:55

If I was going anyway I wouldn't take a penny

TsunamiOfShit · 06/09/2017 14:05

If I was going anyway I wouldn't take a penny

And I presume when at the hen do, that you'd be staying in a room anyway, so you wouldn't make the person you share with pay?

supersop60 · 06/09/2017 14:20

I think I'd split the petrol costs and leave it at that. Everybody wins. Driver gets money back for petrol, passengers get cheap travel and door to door service.

Kr1s · 06/09/2017 14:36

If you could have had a cheaper faster and more comfortable joinery by train , why didn't you do so ?

You object to being asked to pay your fair share of the actual costs . But you insist that you are 'generous' and would have bought her some flowers or a few drinks instead.

So In fact this isnt about the £20 you spent a year ago. It's bout how you see yourself and want to be seen by others.

You want to pay less than your fair share , this case, £20, by only buying a few drinks or flowers , perhaps £10. And yet you want everyone to think of you as generous and a great person ,when In fact you are being subsidised by others.

You want to " treat ' others with their own money.

It reminds me of the many threads on MN, where a man spends every weekend at his girlfriends house where she buys food and cooks all meals for him. He contributes nothing to any of the cost, yet sees himself as a great guy because he brings the odd bottle of wine or bar of chocolate for her kids.

Then posters on MN tell her what a catch he is because he doesn't beat her up and washes the occasional dish.

ToftyAC · 06/09/2017 14:53

God almighty! I would never charge mates HMRC mileage rates. I'd have just worked out how much fuel used and divided it by the number of people in the car (myself included). That's taking the piss somewhat.

sharklovers · 06/09/2017 15:21

She's taking the piss massively OP. A tenner each for a 200 mile journey would be quite sufficient for most people. Many people wouldn't even want a contribution of any kind.

Garliccalamari · 06/09/2017 15:34

In my friend group we never charge each other for anything. Someone gives me a lift, next time I take them out to dinner or a concert. I get to spend time in their holiday home by the sea? I accidently have vouchers "left" for a weekend away in a naice hotel. Money never changes hands, we just make sure we have a lot of fun together. If someone had costs last time then someone else pays next time. We have never ever discussed this. It's just a thing that we consciously do.

I don't get charging friends. It sounds so businesslike to me.

Ceto · 06/09/2017 15:44

You wouldn't necessarily have had a "cheaper faster more comfortable trip by train". For one thing, unless your destination was very near the station you came in at, you'd have had to fight your way onto the tubes or buses or paid for a taxi, which wouldn't have come cheap. When you got back, the train wouldn't deliver you to your house. Then you'd have had to take the risk of delays or the train being overcrowded and having to fight your way through to get to the loos etc.

OlennasWimple · 06/09/2017 15:44

Tofty - how would you calculate petrol costs though?

Garlic - agreed, me too. One off, long trips like in the OP are a bit different, though, surely?

OlennasWimple · 06/09/2017 15:45

And lol at the idea that anything that HMRC allows taxpayers to claim is generous or grabby!

TheBigPickle · 06/09/2017 15:47

Do all the posters who say they wouldn't charge a friend petrol money also not offer to pay if they are the passenger.

I personally wouldn't want to be given any money if I were driving but I would insist on paying if I were a passenger. IYSWIM.

PaintingByNumbers · 06/09/2017 15:48

Kr1s has it, I think. It feels nicer 'treating' someone than paying a fair price in a business type transaction
Tbh the best thing might have been to point out you could all go up by train - fun, relaxed, no driving (i'd still drive lol)

Original poster
MelodyNelson10 · 06/09/2017 15:48

Kr1s

Gosh, that's an awful lot of conclusions to have jumped to about me based on some fairly scant details.

It's got nothing to do with what people think of me or what I want them to think of me, but thanks for your insights.

My point was that I'm used to things being much more relaxed and give-and-take between friends, and that using an HMRC rate to calculate an exact fare for journey is just not how I, or any of my other friends, would go about things.

I'm hardly saying that I'd sit there and think 'great so I saved £13.22 on that journey so if I buy a £15 bunch of flowers everyone will think I'm sooo generous'.

Some people really love to lay into total strangers that they know next to nothing about, don't they?

OP posts:
Original poster
MelodyNelson10 · 06/09/2017 15:56

For one thing, unless your destination was very near the station you came in at, you'd have had to fight your way onto the tubes or buses or paid for a taxi, which wouldn't have come cheap. When you got back, the train wouldn't deliver you to your house.

I don't recall ever saying that my friend picked me up or dropped me off at my house? So many assumptions being made on this thread!

I think I'm pretty much done with this thread now, but since it keeps coming up, in fact I made my own way to her house by trouble transport in order to catch the lift with her.

Anyway, what I've learned from this thread is that most people think the amount reasonably was fair, but quite a few seem to agree that the business-like way of calculating and charging for it isn't how they'd have liked to go about it. And I think most people agree that it should be discussed up front.

All I will add is that as a non-driver (these days) who is used to taking the train/bus pretty much everywhere, I've noticed that sometimes there's this assumption from regular drivers that driving is automatically 'better' and that most people would jump at the chance to get a lift if one's offered. When in fact I would actually far rather take public transport nine times out of ten. People may find that hard to believe, but there it is.

OP posts:
Original poster
MelodyNelson10 · 06/09/2017 15:57

Trouble transport?! That should obviously have said public transport Grin

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 06/09/2017 16:02

"Trouble transport" seems quite apt! Grin

OP - are you basically saying that you would react differently to someone saying "I'll drive, can everyone chip in £20 towards petrol?" to someone saying "I'll drive, and I've worked out that according to HMRC allowed mileage rates it'll be £20 for everyone, Ok?"?

So it's not the amount, it's the fact that someone has used something ostensibly for business users to work out an appropriate compensation rate?

Roomster101 · 06/09/2017 16:03

When in fact I would actually far rather take public transport nine times out of ten. People may find that hard to believe, but there it is.

I don't think people would find that hard to believe as long as the public transport is easy to use. I would certainly rather use a train for long distances. If you would rather use public transport or walk you should just say so.

Osirus · 06/09/2017 16:10

I don't drive, but I absolutely understand what it costs to run a car. DH has two actually, and it's expensive!

I get a lift to work from a colleague and I do pay more than the fuel costs.

Osirus · 06/09/2017 16:12

I agree OP, I love my "me" time on the bus!

Willow2017 · 06/09/2017 16:20

Dividing it up between the number of people in the car excludiing driver is fine.
It does take more petrol the more people there are in the car. I always offer as much petrol money as it would approx take if I get a lift from someone. I am just glad I dont have to drive for a change Grin

I wouldnt offer to drive that far for all the tea in china, its incredibly boring and often stressful depending on the roads.

TheBigPickle · 06/09/2017 16:23

The thing is that by doing it by the book it takes out any guesswork. Everyone will just be paying the cost. No one is gaining and no one is losing. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Goving flowers or whatever is nice but that should be for driving rather than to cover the cost.

It seems simpler and fairer to split the costs and using the 'official' costs as a guideline seems sensible. If I was a passenger i would much prefer to do it this way as I would know I've paid for myself and that I won't have overpaid or underpaid.

I think this would work with my group of friends. We are a generous and helpful lot but we wouldn't be too shy to talk about fair ways of splitting costs.

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