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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To rehome a dog when DH doesn't like dogs

527 replies

butterflyparadise · 06/09/2017 09:48

Please help me. I have 2 other threads running about this through a couple of stages of my situation.

Long story short (more background in my other threads) I had a dog with my ex, Bella, she is a cross breed who is approx 12. Ex kept her but now he's moved abroad with work and can't take her which was the original plan. Bella has been in kennels for a few months.

My DH and I have preschool twins and a cat. I have exhausted all rehoming options with friends/family. I had hurdles to overcome before I could consider rehoming her myself.

I love this dog, she was my baby. DH does not like dogs. He listened to me and how I felt about Bella and her situation. Taking her ourselves wasn't a distinct possibility until now. So we've not needed to have a proper chat about it as all the obstacles were reasons not to take her. These have all been sorted, we could take her.

DH has now said he doesn't want to. He says we're on complete opposites about it. I like dogs, he doesn't. I have an emotional attachment to her, he doesn't. He doesn't like the noise, the clattering of claws on laminate, the barking goes right through him, being tied to having to get back to a dog etc. The walks, the extra responsibility etc. I see these as things we just have to deal with and overcome.

He says he'd do it but only because he knows it would make me happy.

He's stressed at work and in general, he's been pretty miserable lately as a whole.

Now I'm in limbo. We wouldn't be taking right away, there would be a transitional period for everyone to get used to everyone and she would stay in kennels until then.

I've asked if we could take her as an interim and see if we could rehome her to someone else but at least getting her out of kennels. And with me secretly hoping DH would let us keep her.... He replied that I wouldn't want to give her up.

AIBU to take her despite DH's feelings?

OP posts:

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 06/09/2017 10:16

Bella was known to you, she's not unfamiliar and I'd have said try it until you said DH is already stressed at work. This will add to his stress. I don't think it's fair.

Plus she was your baby but now you have two pre-schoolers (and a cat) so they have to be considered too.

Ttbb · 06/09/2017 10:16

This is a really horrible thing to do to your DH. He didn't sign up for this. Clearly he loves you and will put up with it, for awhile at least, out if love for you. But that doesn't make it any less wrong.

Lovingmybear2 · 06/09/2017 10:16

No this is a very specific situation. The dog is old, gentle and much loved by the op who took on her partners cat when she didn't want to.

Bella deserves a home for her twilight years so having her is the right thing to do. Dogs are not disposable.

BentleyBelly · 06/09/2017 10:17

Don't do it...my husband got a dog against my wishes and it's caused a lot of resentment and issues in our relationship. I have not warmed to it and find it hard to live with.

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 06/09/2017 10:17

There's a massive difference between accepting the pets a new partner already had before the relationship started, and getting a new pet. Getting a new pet changes the household dynamic. Surely you can see the difference?

RonSwansonsMoustache · 06/09/2017 10:17

And actually - you agreed to take on his cat and live with it on a daily basis. The least he can do is take in your dog in her twilight years.

ToesInWater · 06/09/2017 10:18

Usually I would say YABU to get a dog when DH specifically doesn't want it BUT the idea of a 12yo dog who is presumably used to being a much beloved family pet in kennels is heartbreaking. You are unlikely to be looking at much time so take her home and do what you can to make her last months/years happy.

Lovingmybear2 · 06/09/2017 10:18

this is a really horrible thing to do to your husband

It really isn't is it!

Lovingmybear2 · 06/09/2017 10:19

Massive difference between getting a pet without a partners consent and bringing an old gentle pet to a new relationship. Massive difference

CotswoldStrife · 06/09/2017 10:20

I think YABU about the dog OP, but also think he was BU about the cat.

Notevilstepmother · 06/09/2017 10:21

I think given that you tolerated his cat and he has agreed to it that it will be ok. It's not ideal, but life isn't like that.

NannyRed · 06/09/2017 10:23

Can you compromise and take Bella back for a trial. Hopefully you DH will warm to her once she becomes part of his life too. And if he thinks it's just for say 2 months he will feel you are listening to his concerns.

Lovingmybear2 · 06/09/2017 10:23

Fuck me so some posters think it's ok to have a pet and if a new partner doesn't want it well just throw it away then.

Jesus Christ can't you see the ops pain and problem here?

Please get Bella op and love her for the short time she has left. I
Sure your dh will tolerate her abs maybe come to love her as much as you.

Pickleypickles · 06/09/2017 10:23

Tough one on your DH but you made the commitment to get a dog and its not fair she gets passed around because she doesnt fit into your life style anymore.

deadringer · 06/09/2017 10:25

I think you should give it a go seeing as your dh has agreed, albeit reluctantly. If it doesn't work out at least you will have tried.

Original poster

butterflyparadise · 06/09/2017 10:27

Well that is my thoughts @Notevilstepmother

I wouldnt consider a dog under normal circumstances but this isnt normal circumstances! This issue has now arisen and it's where we are at now.

As a PP said, dogs are not disposable. Bella has no one else

OP posts:

SchadenfreudePersonified · 06/09/2017 10:27

YANBU - the dog is 12. She will probably be with you for another three - four years.

Surely your DH can tolerate her presence until then.

Poor thing - she must be so lonely in kennels.

Dragonfly3 · 06/09/2017 10:27

Take Bella home. Your DH may grow to love her but if he doesn't then I'm sure he'll at least be able to live alongside her. If she's 12 then she'll be no trouble and keeping her in kennels is a shame when she could be with you. It's tricky but it will only be for a few years and it's nice that your DH has agreed even though he's not keen.

apostropheuse · 06/09/2017 10:29

How is the cat with dogs? Do you think she would be stressed?

GahBuggerit · 06/09/2017 10:29

If I was in your position it would just be too important to allow him to just say "No", he needs to compromise as you did about the cat.

Im afraid if hes not willing to compromise IIWM he'd be coming home one day to the dog. Simple as that.

GahBuggerit · 06/09/2017 10:30

Oh just re-read and can see he agreed? Thats that then.

He'll come round.

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/09/2017 10:31

You accepted a cat, which predated your relationship. I'm struggling to see the difference between his cat and your dog. This isn't 'a' dog or some random animal. This is your dog to whom you and your ex hold a responsibility. Go and get your dog and bring her home. She will be massively suffering in her twighlight years.

ElizaBenson · 06/09/2017 10:31

Im not a dog person, they scare me and I feel tense all the time until I get to know them and trust them. But I would say get this dog, I think once you take ananimal on you have a certain level of responsibility because that animal has no choice in the situation, and this would be part of that responsibility.

Redpony1 · 06/09/2017 10:31

My dad didn't like dogs but had to put up with them as mum did. A house without a dog is not a home in her book & i agree! I'm always weary of people that don't like dogs. (not wanting the commitment of one is not the same as not liking them)

I'd take the dog. She is 12 and you never know, DH may well find out he does actually quite like dogs ;)

purpleprincess24 · 06/09/2017 10:31

Personally from What you've said I'd take her, it sounds like your DH wants to exhaust other options before taking the dog yourselves.

15 years ago our family wanted a dog (rather DH and DC did). I had never had a dog, didn't like dogs and didn't want a dog .... I was 'persuaded' eventually and it astounded me how much I loved him, to the point where it was 100% me who drove getting another 2.

It broke my heart when 2 of them died last year, hence we now have an adorable 18 month old pup (also known as The Little Shit)

I cannot imagine my life without a dog now.

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