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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To rehome a dog when DH doesn't like dogs

527 replies

butterflyparadise · 06/09/2017 09:48

Please help me. I have 2 other threads running about this through a couple of stages of my situation.

Long story short (more background in my other threads) I had a dog with my ex, Bella, she is a cross breed who is approx 12. Ex kept her but now he's moved abroad with work and can't take her which was the original plan. Bella has been in kennels for a few months.

My DH and I have preschool twins and a cat. I have exhausted all rehoming options with friends/family. I had hurdles to overcome before I could consider rehoming her myself.

I love this dog, she was my baby. DH does not like dogs. He listened to me and how I felt about Bella and her situation. Taking her ourselves wasn't a distinct possibility until now. So we've not needed to have a proper chat about it as all the obstacles were reasons not to take her. These have all been sorted, we could take her.

DH has now said he doesn't want to. He says we're on complete opposites about it. I like dogs, he doesn't. I have an emotional attachment to her, he doesn't. He doesn't like the noise, the clattering of claws on laminate, the barking goes right through him, being tied to having to get back to a dog etc. The walks, the extra responsibility etc. I see these as things we just have to deal with and overcome.

He says he'd do it but only because he knows it would make me happy.

He's stressed at work and in general, he's been pretty miserable lately as a whole.

Now I'm in limbo. We wouldn't be taking right away, there would be a transitional period for everyone to get used to everyone and she would stay in kennels until then.

I've asked if we could take her as an interim and see if we could rehome her to someone else but at least getting her out of kennels. And with me secretly hoping DH would let us keep her.... He replied that I wouldn't want to give her up.

AIBU to take her despite DH's feelings?

OP posts:
HaveAWeeNap · 30/09/2017 11:00

How’s it going, OP?

Fidoandacupoftea · 30/09/2017 11:03

You say she was your baby, would you think differently if she was a human baby. It is unfair on him, but life is not always fair.

Original poster
butterflyparadise · 30/09/2017 21:08

Things have improved somewhat. Still a long way to go.

DH and I have managed to sleep in our own bed at the same time Shock

Still having maniacal barking episodes though. Not as often but still too much.

Going in the right direction but still have the cat issue Sad

OP posts:
RandomMess · 30/09/2017 21:22

It is still early days, hang on in there.

Can you give her a treat every time she sees the cat?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 30/09/2017 22:52

Treat, as Random suggests, but not if she is barking/lunging at the cat, or she will think this is what you want her to do.

Get her to sit when she sees the cat and treat her. Gun dogs learn very quickly and YES - YOU CAN TEACH AN OLD DOG A NEW TRICK!

Things will get better. Promise.

Original poster
butterflyparadise · 01/10/2017 00:23

Thank you. The other day the cat was on the worktop and Bella was sitting on the floor 2 feet away! They were both getting treats. Fingers crossed.

OP posts:
NewLove · 01/10/2017 00:36

Just found this thread - not read all the posts as it's just too long but I can't believe you did it? Was he actually in agreement?

salsmum · 01/10/2017 01:23

To take a 12 year old dog to be re homed really is not fair on the dog and it will have no chance in finding a kind owner to live out its final years with...when shelters have so many dogs to rehome the elderly and/or sick dogs get overlooked and end up being PTS I've had rescue animal AND small children AND dogs who have stayed with me in their final years, older dogs and cats get confused and depressed when they are suddenly rehomed and their health can suffer badly if you truly love this dog and your DH loves you why would he make you get rid of this poor old dog...unless it's just because the poor animal just happens to remind him you had a past.

ForalltheSaints · 01/10/2017 08:34

If someone does not like dogs then whilst it is painful the dog should have another home.

Catsrus · 01/10/2017 13:13

You need to read the whole thread salsmum we have alerted the OP to one rescue that absolutely does rehome older dogs - and very successfully. That's the great advantage of MN, lots of people with contacts and experience Smile

ShmooBooMoo · 10/10/2017 18:18

OP, any update? Hope things are improving.

lindenlife · 10/10/2017 22:56

You are not being unreasonable! She's your baby- I couldn't imagine how horrid I'd feel if my dog was in kennels- Husband has said it's OK so I'd go for it! As said before it isn't like she is a puppy! Smile

Carouselfish · 10/10/2017 23:08

Jesus freaking Christ. People who think that when their life circumstances change they can just get rid of a dog.
Should. Not. Have. Dogs.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 10/10/2017 23:15

Thank you. The other day the cat was on the worktop and Bella was sitting on the floor 2 feet away! They were both getting treats. Fingers crossed

Hope it is still going well OP.

verystressedmum · 10/10/2017 23:36

Your dh’a feelings should be taken into consideration of course and he’s perfectly entitled to not want a dog.
However I wouldn’t feel the same way about my dh if he was able to leave an elderly dog who has been lived and cared for her whole life on her own in kennels, because he doesn’t like the sound of claws on the laminate.
How terribly sad for the dog to live the rest of her life in kennels and how terribly sad that there’s people on here that wouldn’t give it a second thought.

verystressedmum · 10/10/2017 23:40

Oh sorry just realised you got her. Hope she settling in and things are better.
Your dh is indeed a very nice man.

Chickenagain · 11/10/2017 00:52

Bella is very lucky to have you & you are lucky to have such a lovely husband.
You didn’t say what medication the vet gave, but Fluoroxine (aka Prozac) can be used successfully to treat anxiety in dogs. Millie’s Wolfheart has very high protein dry food and has also brought out an economy but high quality range. Turkey mince (Lidl or Iceland) and sweet potato are all good if the diet is being addressed.
Large crate with a cover if there is room makes a nice safe space.
I hope things continue to improve & kudos to your husband too.

SpamBurrito · 11/10/2017 00:59

First and foremost you have to think about your husband and family.

They didn't sign up for this. Do the right thing by them.
They are your family.

SpamBurrito · 11/10/2017 03:11

The kindest move would be to PTS
You are inflicting a huge amount of stress on your family.

SpamBurrito · 11/10/2017 03:20

Regarding your husband being an absolute trooper throughout, and supporting you in your decision. . .

You didn't really give him a lot of choice.

I think you need to wake up to the truth of what you are doing.
I'm being Devil's advocate, but the dog is obviously not very happy.
Why prolong the suffering? The dog needs loads of drugs, just to be calm? Look deep inside yourself. Why are you fighting to keep this unhappy dog alive?

SpamBurrito · 11/10/2017 03:29

I've just read the whole thread.

You have to let the dog go. You have to PTS, You are putting your children at risk. Just stop it. Stop it right now.

I'm speechless that you've let it go this far.
But to put my children at risk of being bitten would have done it for me already. Poor dog. Please, let him go, before something really bad happens.

MardAsSnails · 11/10/2017 04:08

Did the thunder shirt arrive? It was a godsend with our crazy Dalmatian. Had to be on tight enough though for it to work

She also needed her 'den' where nobody was allowed to go except DH

The first 6-8 weeks we brought our older dogs home from the kennels was hell. It really was. I remember sitting in the garden at 4:3a emailing the trainer we'd seen, utterly distraught because of how Knackered we both were. It got better though.

Can you change her feeding time to the same time as the kids eat? To Distract her in another room whilst it's happening

SpamBurrito · 11/10/2017 04:09

Fell asleep, then woke up again because it's playing on my mind. You are so hell bent on keeping this dog alive and living in your house, despite the fact that it's destructive to both dog and family. Nobody is happy. Not you. Not the dog. Not the husband. Not the kids. You misguidedly think that you have to keep this dog alive at any cost. Give yourself permission to do the right thing by the dog and more importantly, your children. And your husband! For goodness sake don't let things get any worse. Let the poor dog go. It sounds like it has a pretty shut life. Let the poor bugger go.

SpamBurrito · 11/10/2017 04:13

Maybe I'm just not a dog person. But this all sounds really cruel to me.

MardAsSnails · 11/10/2017 04:14

And by the way? Shit excuses from ex on abandoning her. He knew he had a dog when he emigrated. If the reason he can't take her is because it's too hot, he never intended to take her from his friend who was looking after him.

Yes it s not ideal to have dogs in hot countries. I know this better than most, believe me and mine are all rescues who need help, not bringing extra dogs to the country but unless he's in somewhere like Australia where there's strict import rules regarding age of dogs as well as quarantine, there's no ducking excuse. Or unless he's off shore on a rig. That'd do it. But he's still abandoned his companion of 12 years.