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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand how my friend can afford to send her daughter to private school?

294 replies

user1494078639 · 04/09/2017 14:44

Hi there ladies,

My first post here, but have been a member for a few months.

My friend went down the sperm donation route at 29. She had her daughter at 34. Her daughter is now 6... What I don't understand is she is at a private prep school, she also paid nursery fees, etc. without ever moaning to me, which is something a lot of us to talk about.

She did do a biology degree, but she has stayed in a lab role, so is only on around 30k.

She lives in a really nice newly built 2 bed flat (SE) and has a nice car :( recently gone on a Disney cruise! None of her family are about, I just don't get it.

We are on 56k joint income and really struggle, I know we have 2, but they are in state school, we struggle to go on a 'holiday of a lifetime' and it's always cornwall. maybe spain every few years.

I sound so jealous don't I!?

Honestly though, AIBU to not understand how she does it?

OP posts:
Migraleve · 04/09/2017 17:15

Things like this do my head in. I know a family with 4 kids in social housing...

DH works as a mechanic.... Been to Australia, Spain and Cornwall this year. Spent £13,000 on a vehicle....have 3 cars. How do they do it ????

Well surely the fact that they live in social housing makes it obvious? Rent is CHEAPER Confused

MrsJayy · 04/09/2017 17:16

God people in council have holidays shocker Shock

Autofillcontact · 04/09/2017 17:17

Fuck me if my rent where £500 a month I'd be having holidays all the time. Maybe even monthly.

StealthPolarBear · 04/09/2017 17:17

as a pp said if this was a single dad, particularly one who had jumped through hoops to start a family no one would even question the assumption he earns lots

MrsJayy · 04/09/2017 17:17

When we lived in social housing we went abroad dh had a car

StealthPolarBear · 04/09/2017 17:19

how did you sleep at night Mrs j? a car, indeed?!

Autofillcontact · 04/09/2017 17:21

I used to sleep in my car even though I earn £300k a year. I'm so sad about you mrsjay

MrsJayy · 04/09/2017 17:21

I know i know its a bloody disgrace

Rachie1973 · 04/09/2017 17:22

I made a rather lucrative living as a 'whore' for some time when my kids were small.

I don't worry about the words people use lol

expatinscotland · 04/09/2017 17:23

They're all prostitutes, doncha know?! Anyone who has a life or things you envy, it's because they are hookers. Now you can feel better.

flowery · 04/09/2017 17:24

"It's sad to see"

It's sad to see that your friend is doing well?

Don't know about you, but when people I (supposedly) care about are doing well, I don't see it as a sad thing.

WinnieTheMe · 04/09/2017 17:25

Well, I think that the mysterious friend lied about using a sperm donor and instead had a secret torrid affair with a dashing millionaire. They were madly in love, but sadly he was married to a mad woman who he couldn't divorce due her being in the asylum and everything.

The friend fell pregnant and they decided they had to separate (probably to dodge the mad wife), but he secretly sends her £££ every month.

WinnieTheMe · 04/09/2017 17:25

Well, I think that the mysterious friend lied about using a sperm donor and instead had a secret torrid affair with a dashing millionaire. They were madly in love, but sadly he was married to a mad woman who he couldn't divorce due her being in the asylum and everything.

The friend fell pregnant and they decided they had to separate (probably to dodge the mad wife), but he secretly sends her £££ every month.

twattymctwatterson · 04/09/2017 17:27

How dare this SINGLE MOTHER have a better life than you op? You really aren't her friend.

FrancisCrawford · 04/09/2017 17:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theredjellybean · 04/09/2017 17:28

what is wrong with being an escort or sex worker ?

glitterlips1 · 04/09/2017 17:28

Maybe a bursary. My next door neighbour had no money and yet her child went to a private school. She intially had her nursery fees paid by an aunt but when she was unable to work due to illness she applied for a bursary going into year 1 and was accepted. Maybe you just don't know the ins and outs of your friends finances!

Capricorn76 · 04/09/2017 17:28

This is why I don't discuss finances with anyone other than DH. There are a lot of nosey and jealous people around. My finances are nobodies business.

theredjellybean · 04/09/2017 17:29

and yes if it was a single father i would also say maybe...high class call boy/escort, maybe drugs runner, maybe arms dealer...i am not sexist...the suggestions were a bit tongue in cheek btw ...

Elphame · 04/09/2017 17:32

Often paid for by grandparents now.

Gifts from Income is a nice and very underused way of reducing a future potential inheritance tax bill

Aeviternity · 04/09/2017 17:33

The glaringly obvious factor being she's only paying for two people in her life - herself and her daughter? And you're paying for a family of four. Double the food, double the rooms, double the clothing and toys.

And seriously, any woman that glares at other women in envy and spits that clearly the only way they could possibly have money is through prostitution, I relish every dismal misfortune that befalls your dull little life.

Friends of mine indulge in share-trading, digital currency, TV extra work and importing/selling small goods (shit for weddings, mostly) for extra cash.

None of which would ever occur to some people.

SerfTerf · 04/09/2017 17:34

😂 @Winnie

StealthPolarBear · 04/09/2017 17:34

because she has a job. I therefore don't understand why some posters are inventing other sources of income. unless they're assuming that as a woman her salary will be fairly low.

theredjellybean · 04/09/2017 17:41

well the OP says she thought the friend earnt around 30K, even one child at private school would be a stretch on that salary so some of us i guess were light heartedly suggesting ways the school fees were being paid.
maybe the op is wrong and the friend is paid a lot more, maybe she does nto discuss promotions/career progression with OP as it is obvious OP is 'jealous' of her,
perhaps she won the lottery/inherited/gets family help

or maybe she has a sugar daddy
or maybe she earns extra income doing something....

really it is her choice, not sure why people are so vitriolic about the possibilty she is earning it as an escort . Interesting that has met with such anger , but being a drug runner or arms dealer did cause an eyelid to bat..oh maybe those suggestions were actually taken as they were meant..lightheartedly

theredjellybean · 04/09/2017 17:42

'did not cause...'