to not understand how my friend can afford to send her daughter to private school?

[user1494078639]

Hi there ladies,

My first post here, but have been a member for a few months.

My friend went down the sperm donation route at 29. She had her daughter at 34. Her daughter is now 6... What I don't understand is she is at a private prep school, she also paid nursery fees, etc. without ever moaning to me, which is something a lot of us to talk about.

She did do a biology degree, but she has stayed in a lab role, so is only on around 30k.

She lives in a really nice newly built 2 bed flat (SE) and has a nice car :( recently gone on a Disney cruise! None of her family are about, I just don't get it.

We are on 56k joint income and really struggle, I know we have 2, but they are in state school, we struggle to go on a 'holiday of a lifetime' and it's always cornwall. maybe spain every few years.

I sound so jealous don't I!?

Honestly though, AIBU to not understand how she does it?

Yes "sad to see" and "nice car " are very mean, bitter sentiments.

Inheritance, lottery win, earnings you know nothing about, a wealthy family member who helps out financially even if not around, some sort of bursary or other assisted place, crippling debt... who knows? Main thing is you have a life you're happy in, so does she (I hope- for you and her both!) so why waste any more time wondering about it?

none of her family are about

Oh yeah, the lucky be-atch.

Maybe the donor was known to her, and provides for his biological dd?

Maybe she has a family member working at the school who is able to arrange a hefty discount?

I remember having friends who were like that. Nicer home, nicer, newer cars, seems to live so much better than we did. Turns out they were mortgaged to the hilt and had maxed out all of their credit. They are now living in a mobile home, which I understand is different that what you call a mobile home in UK. Here, it is an inexpensive manufactured home that you might call a static or stationary caravan? Anyway, the money and credit eventually ran out and they had nothing saved.

It really is nothing to do with you and the bitterness will eat you up just put it out of your head.

How can you call an income of £56k a struggle?

Seriously, I don't understand this. You presumably have a mortgage, a car, you holiday every year (even if it's 'just' Cornwall), you have two children ....what exactly is the struggle?

For comparison, my partner earns less than half your joint income, I have zero income as I'm disabled (although I do get PIP). We have four children between us (two each - two adults, two dependent, one living with us). We rent because we lost our house when he was off work sick for three years, we holiday at a campsite 5 miles from home because that's all we can afford, we run a car. My DD goes to a state school. We manage. We struggle but we manage.

Private education is a luxury. As are holidays abroad, new cars and all the other lovely things most of us would love to have but can't afford.

Stop worrying about what she has and look at sorting out your own finances. I often wonder when people post stuff like this if they just fritter away money buying several bottles of wine every week, eat out twice a week and think nothing of spending a few hundred quid on a new handbag twice a year.

Some of us only dream of having an income of £56k.

Yeah so sad to see a young woman bring independent and raising her child alone 😑.

Good for her I say, stop being jealous, you aren't much of a friend!

School fees are similar to nursery fees though aren't they? In Ireland, I paid €140/week on childcare. Perhaps her school fees are similar?

It's generally family money/inheritance or debt in my experience.

Her car might be financed her Disney cruise might be on a CC it really is her life to have what she wants .

But it's not the income as much as the outgoings isn't it?
So you guess she earns £30k and you and your DH earn £56k combined. However you have an extra adult and an extra child to feed, clothe and generally provide for so those outgoings are pretty much doubled.
Your friends mortgage may be very small, she may own the house outright etc. Her car could be on finance, monthly payments are much less than you might imagine if you have a decent deposit to stick down, and you also have no sudden MOT failure type crisis to contend with.
As for private school fees, perhaps a grandparent or someone is paying? Perhaps (and it was certainly the case when DS was at prep school) the cost of private education is mitigated by the wrap around care provided by the school?
Could be a million reasons including her being on the game! none of which are remotely your business

If she's your friend why don't you just ask her?

This.

Also, if you're her friend, be pleased for her maybe rather than being jealous. But yes, do ask as I'm curious but not jealous!

Yeah, you do sound really jealous. Focus on your own life. Get a better job or work hard for a promotion if you want what she has. Or better still, be thankful for what you have and stop comparing yourself to someone else. Maybe she looks at you and your partner and two kids and thinks and wonders why she can't have that. Just leave her be. It's really none of your business.

I think this could be the thread where MN jumps the shark for me.

Suggesting that a lone parent (who is a graduate scientist) must be a sex worker in order to afford anything nice ... fucking hell.

Perhaps her parents pay for DD's education?
I don't understand why it is any of your business, or why it makes you sad.

your are on a joint income of 56k. and you are sad to see you friend sending her DD to private school?

You need to get a grip and you are not a true friend either. Lots of reasons why people can afford things and it is frankly non of your business.

I am a low earner, prob half your household income and my daughter very nearly went to private school (still might) on a bursary/scholarship as she's particularly bright.

No I do see I'm being a bit dramatic. This was more just a post about income really.

Bloody hell, a woman can afford to send her child to private school and people suggest she may be a prostitue?! How ludicrous.
Maybe she earns more than you think, maybe she has an inheritance, maybe she has less outgoings as it is just her and her daughter.
Who knows.
Who cares.
Thinking it is sad that she can afford to do these things, and questioning why she can, is really mean.

Seriously Op it sounds like you probably do live comfortably given your income, you may just have started to take what you have for granted. Because if your measure of not being comfortable Is not getting a holiday of a lifetime and having to settle for Cornwall or sometimes Spain then you need to pull yourself together.

As to how she affords her life, you've said yourself none of her family are around so the obvious conclusion is inheritance. I imagine she might wish her child had GPs. It doesn't matter how though, it's not your business and it doesn't effect you.

I am a carer of a severely disabled child. My income is £62 carers allowance a week.

I am sad to see you have a joint income if 56k.

HTH.