to not understand how my friend can afford to send her daughter to private school?

[user1494078639]

Hi there ladies,

My first post here, but have been a member for a few months.

My friend went down the sperm donation route at 29. She had her daughter at 34. Her daughter is now 6... What I don't understand is she is at a private prep school, she also paid nursery fees, etc. without ever moaning to me, which is something a lot of us to talk about.

She did do a biology degree, but she has stayed in a lab role, so is only on around 30k.

She lives in a really nice newly built 2 bed flat (SE) and has a nice car :( recently gone on a Disney cruise! None of her family are about, I just don't get it.

We are on 56k joint income and really struggle, I know we have 2, but they are in state school, we struggle to go on a 'holiday of a lifetime' and it's always cornwall. maybe spain every few years.

I sound so jealous don't I!?

Honestly though, AIBU to not understand how she does it?

OP, she is your friend and doing well.

What on earth is 'sad' about it???? Please tell us.

Private schools (certainly at prep) often end up costing less per month than nurseries. She already budgeted to use nursery at preschool age, it probably feels easier to just carry on.

To be fair to OP I would wonder too because I'm a nosey bitch.

Single income. Expensive flat. Flash car. Come on, you wouldn't even be a little bit curious how she does it?

Jealousy is sole destroying OP. Look at your own life and appreciate what you have. You're giving this way too much head space!

I'm in the opposite situation to you op. I earn very little and my partner slightly more, we eat out all the time, have just been on a big holiday and both work part time. I have friends that are constantly whinging despite having two good incomes and full time jobs. What do you waste your money on? It's all about priorities. Maybe she's saved really
Hard for her cruise or maybe she shops at primark. Who knows, and who cares.

Also she is providing for half the amount of people you are. So technically she earns more than you.

Why not try and improve your own life instead of worrying about others ??
I don't understand people like you...

and that's around what my other friends who work in labs get

How many friends do you have that work in labs then

really nice newly built 2 bed flat (SE) and has a nice car sad recently gone on a Disney cruise

Nothing there about an expensive flat or a flash car. There are loads of incentives to buy new build and it could be perfectly affordable on her salary whatever it is. Not everywhere in the SE is Central London prices, far from it.

I would describe my car as nice. It's newish and looks sporty but due to being very small, costs £130 pm on a PCP deal, with no deposit needed. Again, perfectly affordable to many people.

It's also a very efficient way to own a car as the tax is £20 per year, insurance £250 per year and because it's under 3 years old and the PCP includes free servicing, nothing else to pay. It's cheaper to run than an older car that needs repairs from time to time.

She probably has guaged that you are a little nosey and a bit of a gossip and has chosen not to share information with you. When I inherited some money, only DH and I were party to that information. Ditto with a lottery win (not life changing, but substantial).

Did she get a bursary for that place?

well whether it's prostitution, sugar daddy or rich dead grandfather here must be a man's money somewhere in the mix. no way could a mere woman earn enough to pay private school fees.

Tbf though OP you must've known she had some form of hidden wealth for the donor sperm IVF? I have friends who earns hundreds of thousands a year who realistically can't afford to fund their own rounds. This isn't a new thing.

What really surprises me is how people are shocked that some people have money. Rich people are everywhere, why wouldn't you know one?

ps what proportion of he 56k do you earn

This needs to be a troll because if not you're really unpleasant OP. It's fine to wonder idly to yourself but to post on a public forum whining about how "sad to see" this is makes you sound like such a brat.

I know it isn't any of my business, it's just a bit sad to see. I don't get why we can't live comfortably like that!

Are you having a laugh? You are on a joint income of £56k and you do get to go on holiday. You have food, a roof over your head and can afford to feed and clothe your 2 children, you clearly have a computer or a phone, I'll lay money on your having more than one TV you ARE living comfortably. You'd just like more luxuries.

Perspective people.

What your friend does is not really your business. I think we all get a bit too hung up on what other people have (and I include myself in this) instead of being glad we aren't on the streets or fighting for food.

Jesus, what a horrible thread.

OP what the hell are you doing begrudging a single parent with no family support anything.

The hows, whys and wherefores of her circumstances are none of your business. Don't ever count other people's money.

Why is it that single mothers are all supposed to be struggling financially, even those who had a successful career in place before becoming single, or in this case before becoming a parent.

Since being divorced I've managed to maintain our lifestyle, in fact without my ex with his expensive car and designer clothes habit I've got more disposable income that I had before we separated. We've just been on a "holiday of a lifetime" because I manage my money well and saved long and hard.

You do realise that an "average" is just that?
She could be earning double that and it's still within the realms of normality. There are many different types of science jobs and to a degree even different fields/types "in labs", just because your other friends earn 30k or 30k is the average income for a similar role does not mean that is what she earns.
I'm actually quite disgusted you'd want to poke and prod about these things and have clearly spent some time researching to figure out what she is paid.
there are people all over the world who earn less than you, sometimes less than even half - some have more kids too and don't qualify for state assistance.
Can they rip you to shreds and call you a whore because you earn over 50k a year????

Comparing yourself to other people will only ever make you unhappy, conceited or both....

I have a friend who is a SP, moved her child to private school (as she was anxious about her child's progress and wellbeing at state school), works long shifts in emergency service, rents out a flat and has a lodger in her modest home to fund this as it's something important to her.

On the flip side, she is always saying how much she envies my boringly happy marriage, and wishes she had a kind dependable husband like my dh and is just desperate to share life and parenthood with someone (the good bits and bad).

Although this friend sounds like she chose to embark on motherhood alone, perhaps she thought she'd never meet anyone and time was ticking away. I can't imagine the loneliness and weight of responsibility of single parenthood. Perhaps the private schools/Disney cruises are her way of compensating, from where she stands you might be the one who has everything.

Stealth benefit bashing.

Single parents can do no right they either don't work hard enough/at all scrounge or have lavish lifestyles poor folk must be so confused 😁

I'm a single parent. I've been on a Disney Cruise with my children, my goodness it was fun 😊. I wonder if MY friends are secretly seething that they can't afford to go on one?

With friends like you, who needs enemies. Can't believe you find her life in any way sad. A friend's good fortune is a blessing.

Stealth benefit bashing

No. Stealth woman bashing, she'd probably not even think twice if it was a single dad. She'd just assume he was a successful and senior scientist, as this woman probably is.

Bet there was tutting Msgame 😀