Please help settle an argument with Dsis - she thinks I'm being unfair to my dc

[Livella13]

Please can you help me settle an argument with my sister. I have 2 dc and work condensed hours. When I finish work I have the sole care of both children. I also spend both Saturday and Sunday with them. AIBU to want to go out with friends one night per week (therefore missing their bedtime and leaving my husband to put the kids to bed).

Our dad is also terminally ill so I also often miss another bedtime either picking him from the hospital or spending an evening with him without the distraction of the kids. Again my husband puts the children to bed.

My sister thinks I am being unreasonable to miss two bedtimes per week. That at age 4 and 6 the kids should have their mummy to do it and they need this to make them feel secure. I, on the other hand feel I need a bit of a life sometimes. Some regular grown up time away from them provides a much needed break. And a potential 2 evenings per week when their dad puts them to bed is not a problem. My sister knows I'm posting this and I've agreed to show her your responses. Please can you let me know who you think is being unreasonable. I 100% think I am in the right, she 100% thinks she is!

YANBU but you must know that. Its great to share bedtimes. Good for you, good for dad and good for the kids. She might have had a sort of point if they were still very tiny babies but not at 4 and 6.

What's wrong with dad doing it. Can't believe we still get people thinking like this. I've started back work OH went to get some bits some woman admiring the DC asked why mum wasn't with them so OH told her i was dead soon stopped the conversation lol I though it was hilarious (neither of my children are old enough to understand the conversation)

I'm miss 3 this week for work. It's not the end of the world there more than comfortable let content and safe with dad. Don't worry about it.

I miss 1 bedtime a week as a single parent to two under 5, helped a great deal for ds when dd was born as he was used to staying over at my sisters and her putting him to bed, hell once a week she comes and puts him to bed whilst I put DD to bed

Ahhh just read she has no kids......explains a lot

Your sister is off her head. Your DC are fine, your DH is there to provide love and care too. Why does she assume they need it from you more?!

Does your sister really refer to people as mummies ?

What would your sister do without all those other people who work shifts?

The children need and deserve to have a relationship with their dad and to have stability from both parents. Your sister is wrong.

What an odd idea of family life your sister has.

Like something out of a TV show.

She sounds a bit mad tbh. What on earth is so special about bedtime, that one parent has to be there absolutely every time it happens.

How arbitrary.

She is BVU.

YANBU. Why can't dad's do it?! granted my son is only 6 months old so isn't too aware of much yet but DP does his bedtime 9 times out of 10. I only do it if he's cooking or gets home late from work. He loves it and it's their time together when he's been in work all day. When I go back to work next month, I'll be doing 1 night a week. I'm sure DS won't grow up too scarred by it.

Don't worry at all,OP. We all deserve some 'me' time and I'm so sorry about your dad

YANBU
Their dad is putting them to bed, what is wrong with that

What is your dsis' opinion of me? Sometimes DH puts the kids to bed while I'm still at home. Not doing anything virtuous, just having a cuppa and reading. Similar ages to yours. It's been going on since they stopped breastfeeding (quite late by local standards). I'm a really mumsy mum, all Play-Doh and train tracks. Just the only bits of parenting that are exclusively mine are breastfeeding (finished now) and certain crafts. We play to our strengths, but we can both run a bath and read. If they are doing the not wanting to sleep thing, he's probably superior to me at getting them to shut up and sleep.

YNBU

I have had my DC for 6 weeks straight 24/7 over the school holidays as I finished one job before starting another and thought it would save us on childcare costs: I am ready to leave the family home and live by myself at the moment.....

YANBU to have 2 nights a week not being a mother/ wife/ general dogsbody... I have lost my identity and independence and am suffering. My mistake was not factoring any 'me' time over the past 6 weeks; don't let that happen for you.

You're hardly leaving them with wolves. The kids' other parent is putting them to bed. Job done. What's the problem? wait until she has kids

She isn't a parent!! Hand her a zip to zip it!

for years dh and I took turns with bedtime, so I did 3-4 per week and he did 3-4.

Why on earth does she think you kids miss out when dh puts them to bed?

Change the way you say it to her. Tell her that even if you are home dh puts them to bed a few times per week, because it is good for kids ot have a close relationship with both parents

Your DSis is unreal. Why would you even care?

Surely their father provides the same security as a mother!
Ignore her!

She doesn't sound very, em, sensible.

Your sister sounds judgy and hard work.

It's good to have a break and it's great for their dad to have some of the bonding - bed time.

Your sister might well raise weedy snowflakes!

Oh I see. She doesn't have kids

Eh? My DH does every bed time. DS settles better that way. Your sister needs to bugger off.

I did every bedtime while they were breatfeeding. DH took over when we stopped feeding to sleep.
It is stupid to limit care to one person unless you have to. DH was able to cope happily when I went away as I could when he's away.
You can't parent like an Enid Blyton book.

DH used to miss about 180 bedtimes a year. I had to miss bedtimes whenever I had to be in work a lot later than usual, like Parents' evening or open evening.

It's what happens in life when people work or things come up. The kids will get over it.

DSis sounds like one of those who has all of these lovely ideas about how children should be raised but when she has kids herself she'll realise how impossible it is to be perfect and idealistic.

Yanbu. Two evenings away from your dc sounds average considering one evening is a caring duty.

It's not the actual bedtime though it's the 2 hour build up that is the work but also the bonding. My dc are 3 and 5 and I don't put them to bed every night but I see them from 5 until 7.30 every evening at the very least. I admit I would not go out straight from work and miss seeing them at all that evening. But that's just me.