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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make an official complaint about colleague?

792 replies

Abouttoblow · 03/09/2017 15:12

I'm really don't want to go to work tomorrow as I've had enough of selfish workmate.
I really love my work. I've been in this job for 10 years, find it fulfilling, great terms and conditions but if things carry on I will go mad.
Colleague had twins 5 years ago and returned to work 2 days a week. Since she had her DC she seems to think that they take priority over her job - even when she is at work. Her DM and SIL take care of them so I would assume they are reliable and trustworthy but she rings them every half hour to check on things. Every half hour WITHOUT FAIL. She will even excuse herself from meetings.
My main issue though is that every appointment she has, doctor, dentist etc she arranges on the days she is at work. We have flexible working to accommodate for this, more so for full time staff who work every day, so we take shorter breaks or start early/finish late to make up the time but she doesn't bother. She just goes off for an hour or so at a time and that's it. This has been going on for years and I've spoken to my boss but nothing is ever addressed with her.
Anyway, her DC start school soon and she came in last week with a list of things she just MUST attend at school - prize givings, parents in-school days, assemblies and I know if they're on either of her 2 working days she will just go.
She won't have holiday leave to cover this as she is off for most of the summer and I'm sure she will want half term etc now too.
I've just had enough and it makes me so angry that she thinks this is acceptable.
AIBU to make an official complaint to Personnel?

OP posts:
twattymctwatterson · 03/09/2017 19:24

OP no one has said this woman is being reasonable. What they have said is that putting in a complaint about someone who does not report to you and whose slacking doesn't impact your workload directly could reflect poorly on you. Agree with PP that you do sound quite fixated. Again if you want to follow suit and take the piss, by all means do - ultimately it reflects poorly on you as it does her

Weebo · 03/09/2017 19:25

The solution is to move on and focus on your own life.

You say the boss has addressed it with her so I would assume they are happy with the situation or know something you don't.

Stop making this your problem.

Original poster
Abouttoblow · 03/09/2017 19:27

Weebo The biggest eye opener on this thread for me are the many, many people who would just ignore it.

Would you let it go a colleague doing the same job got handed £200 at the end of the week and you didn't? It's the same thing. She's being paid for work she's not doing.

But I'm giving up now. I'm obviously obsessed, jealous, fixated and totally out of line. Every day's a school day Smile

OP posts:
CeeCeeEnnEss · 03/09/2017 19:27

If you don't make up your time out of the office then the only person that reflects badly on is you. And you'll look pathetic for saying 'Well SHE does it!'

Not your manager, doesn't affect you directly. Grow up and move on.

Danceswithwarthogs · 03/09/2017 19:28

If it doesn't affect you directly, why stir up trouble? It sounds like management are aware, it will come back to her one day... When she applies for promotion, pushes her luck too far or redundancies are looming. There will always be people like that in life, you just have to hold your head high and be the better person.

Weebo · 03/09/2017 19:30

If it didn't affect me and my boss was fully aware of what was going on I wouldn't give a shite.

It wouldn't be my business.

Bluntness100 · 03/09/2017 19:30

Considering you say you're not envious and like this woman, and then call her bone idle, dishonest, have complained to your manager and now want to complain to hr, I'd hate to see how you'd treat those you didn't like Hmm

Weebo · 03/09/2017 19:33

Also, it shouldn't be such a shock to find that there are many, many people who are happy enough to let their bosses get on with their job.

Most people are fine with that.

mummmy2017 · 03/09/2017 19:38

We are saying let it become a problem so her own boss HAS to deal with it.
Once you say something you can't unsay it.
There was a post on here about someone who sent an email about something like this, and ended up losing her job for bullying, your not a bully and I just don't want to see you trying to do the right thing but ending up the loser...

Judydreamsofhorses · 03/09/2017 19:44

abouttoblow something that I've learned from my colleagues who take lots of time off because of issues with their children is to look after myself a bit better and not always put work first. (I teach, so time off means someone else has to cover classes.) I was really unwell before summer, and my colleague said to me, I would not send my child to school like you are, and I would take the day off to be with him. (This is a male colleague who is seen as a bit of a hero for taking time off for things which would usually be the female parent's domain) It opened my eyes a bit about priorities.

Mittens1969 · 03/09/2017 19:46

@Abouttoblow, not good at all. But it's a definite management issue. I suppose you could flag it up when you have your review? It is affecting morale quite obviously as you're not the only one upset by it.

Mittens1969 · 03/09/2017 19:50

@Judydreamsofhorses, hmmm, yes, there is a sexist issue there. Dads are viewed as heroes for taking time off to look after their children, working mums are criticised.

And no, I'm not talking about this colleague, OP, some of these things she's taken time off for do seem to be taking the mickey.

Ecclesiastes · 03/09/2017 19:59

Ah, the old Luke 10:38-42 conundrum. Be more Mary, less Martha, OP.

Ttbb · 03/09/2017 20:30

I don't see how this is effecting you? Are you forced to pick up the slack or are you just feeling bitter because, for whatever reason, she's getting away with it?

pinkdonkey · 03/09/2017 20:38

I can understand why its irritating, but as others have said don't get involved if it's not directly impacting on you at work. It likely won't end well. FIL has a similar situation at work which has become an obsession, he is determined to get 2 of his collegues sacked for similar to what you describe and has already been warned by his manager that it looks like bullying.

But don't let it affect your work either. Bosses are not stupid, they know who works hard and who slacks off and it does impact on things like promotions and references. Don't let this persons behaviour negatively impact on you this way either, you really need to let it go or either way you are the one who will come out worst.

Also as other people have said there may well be things you don't know about quite rightly, and that your boss won't tell you about if you ask either. Telling you that they are aware of the issues and will speak to her might be their way of maintaining confidentiality. There may also be disciplinary processes going on that you don't and won't know about. Or it could just be that your manager is not dealing with it effectively, but that is their issue not yours, (and one their line manager will likely pull them up on at some point). I have staff who I am aware have difficult home circumstances, mental illness and also staff that I am performance managing and even one on a final warning, none of which I would ever reveal to other staff even if they were complaining to me about them. I am also aware that my line manager is managing a similar range of issues with her staff (including me) most of which I will never know about. I myself have been shown huge flexibility over the years by management (altered hours and duties, temporary removal from compulsory rotas, permission to just walk out of work at short/no notice) due to complicated home circumstances, which may look to some like preferential treatment, but without which I wouldn't be able to work at all.

Jedimum1 · 03/09/2017 20:39

It does sound a bit like being jealous, if it does not affect your work. Take the positives out of it: your bosses / company seems quite relaxed . Go to GP on the days you hate the most, make more time for school events, etc. She might be meeting her objectives anyway, so they are more relaxed about hours? She might reply emails from home?

Other people take time differently, people seem to focus on mums and the time they get out of work. Are there smokers in your place? I used to work with one or two who took 10-15min cigarette breaks every couple of hours. That adds to an hour a day, 22h a month, which is almost 3 full working days every month, do the maths for a year! But people always complain about mums. What about those "business development people" who go out for lunch with other companies? It's always longer than the hour lunch and apparently they were "working" because they talked for about 5 minutes about work, then gossipped about everyone and had some extra beers. They also go straight home when a meeting finishes at 3pm or 4pm. But we always complain about mums. People with health problems? Would we complain? They don't do the hours either. IBS can send you to the bathroom a few times a day... I think it shouldn't be about hours and clock ticking but about tasks being done. If she finishes them, or even takes some home (without you knowing), I don't see the issue as a worker, I'd see the annoyance of the phone calls and tell her she can't leave a meeting, but it's not your place and she would probably just be texting.

If she's meeting her objectives, good for her. It's annoying that she is so obsessed but that will stop when kids are in school, anyway.

mummmy2017 · 03/09/2017 21:03

Jedimum1 , I don't think it is jealousy.
I think it's a strong work ethic that is offended by someone taking the P*.

Original poster
Abouttoblow · 03/09/2017 21:24

Jedimum
I was just going to leave this alone now and move on but I'm genuinely curious.

You're one of a long list of posters suggesting I'm jealous.

Jealous of what? Genuine question. I'm not trying to be a dick but I really don't get it.

I'd be really grateful if you could expand on this Smile

OP posts:
Bluelonerose · 03/09/2017 21:37

I don't think I've ever not worked somewhere with someone like that. Really takes the piss. I've found they are normally crap at their job so have to take the piss/be up bosses are so no-one notices.

WhoresDoeuvres · 03/09/2017 21:45

I assume they mean you're jealous of the fact you perceive her to be getting away with things.

BhajiAllTheWay · 03/09/2017 21:46

I'm wondering OP if she has friends in high places? Some link whereby she knows she will never be asked to account for all the absences. I totally get where you're coming from. You work and you're resenting those who can get away with anything.. I worked with someone a bit like this. No-one could even look up or be a minute late without it being noticed...apart from one colleague who chatted, texted, admitted she had little to do and organised her social life at work.She was besties with the director and they used to hug when they passed each other ...even though they worked in the same office! ConfusedUntouchable. So ...I honestly don't know if you can sort it, infuriating as it is.

KadabrasSpoon · 03/09/2017 21:56

I appreciate it is very annoying and would annoy me too. I agree with others though that an official complaint probably isn't the best idea though.

What you could do is ask HR to clarify the policy on flexible time, time off for dependants, time for medical appointments and personal phone calls and go from there.

Original poster
Abouttoblow · 03/09/2017 22:00

Thanks Whores I see what you mean.

Bhaji Thank you. Don't think she has friends in high places but other than that it's like you've been a fly on the wall in our office Smile
I've accepted I need to let it go...... although I will find it really difficult.

OP posts:
Original poster
Abouttoblow · 03/09/2017 22:03

OMG Kadabra We can ask for/suggest things for staff development. I'm going to ask for someone from Personnel to come and go through the leave/flexi policy.
I never thought of that. Thank you!

OP posts:
wageslave · 03/09/2017 22:07

If you are in a reasonably large public sector organisation there is likely to be an internal audit department. You could write to them and ask them to investigate. Even anonymous complaints usually get investigated.