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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make an official complaint about colleague?

792 replies

Abouttoblow · 03/09/2017 15:12

I'm really don't want to go to work tomorrow as I've had enough of selfish workmate.
I really love my work. I've been in this job for 10 years, find it fulfilling, great terms and conditions but if things carry on I will go mad.
Colleague had twins 5 years ago and returned to work 2 days a week. Since she had her DC she seems to think that they take priority over her job - even when she is at work. Her DM and SIL take care of them so I would assume they are reliable and trustworthy but she rings them every half hour to check on things. Every half hour WITHOUT FAIL. She will even excuse herself from meetings.
My main issue though is that every appointment she has, doctor, dentist etc she arranges on the days she is at work. We have flexible working to accommodate for this, more so for full time staff who work every day, so we take shorter breaks or start early/finish late to make up the time but she doesn't bother. She just goes off for an hour or so at a time and that's it. This has been going on for years and I've spoken to my boss but nothing is ever addressed with her.
Anyway, her DC start school soon and she came in last week with a list of things she just MUST attend at school - prize givings, parents in-school days, assemblies and I know if they're on either of her 2 working days she will just go.
She won't have holiday leave to cover this as she is off for most of the summer and I'm sure she will want half term etc now too.
I've just had enough and it makes me so angry that she thinks this is acceptable.
AIBU to make an official complaint to Personnel?

OP posts:
ElizabethShaw · 03/09/2017 16:57

So what do you think will happen - your boss will read your complaint and think "gosh, I have been doing a really poor job managing this person for the last 5 years, thank goodness About has put it in writing since raising the issue informally didn't sufficiently motivate me!"

Maybe you'll get a promotion out of it when they show their gratitude?

gamerwidow · 03/09/2017 16:58

Is she ok? That is a lot of unnecessary checking. I know her well being isn't your business but if I was her manager I'd be seriously worried about her mental health because that is obsessive behaviour and needs tackling. Is it worth approaching her manager from that perspective?

Wide0penSpace · 03/09/2017 16:58

I think YABU moaning about when she takes her annual leave, surely she can request it for whenever she likes, and if it's authorised it's nothing to do with you, whether it's half term or not!

LucieLucie · 03/09/2017 17:00

The best way to deal with this is for you ALL to do the same.

If everyone starts taking the piss with making appointments during working hours and making unnecessary personal phone calls management will put a stop to ALL doing it.

No point complaining about her, but if she wants to hand any work over to you you be ready to side step away and say "oh I need to make a phone call, be right back!"

Bluntness100 · 03/09/2017 17:02

I also think you're setting yourself up for a fall. You clearly dislike this woman, is that driving your behaviour?

This has nothing to do with you. It doesn't impact you. You do not manage her, you don't own the company, it has absolutely no detrimental impact on you, and you have no say over what she is and is not permitted to do. Telling your boss you will do the same will only damage you. However as a pp said, it's your decision.

I'd advocate you to focus on your own job and get on with it and stop focusing so heavily on this woman. To be at the stage you don't even want to go to work because of it, isn't healthy at all.

mummmy2017 · 03/09/2017 17:02

Another vote for letting her get herself into trouble.
IF she is as good at deflecting as you say, you will end up being called a bully, and she will cry and get a pat on the head.

Sometimes it really is only a matter of time before someone gets caught for all the things they have done, and if she takes all the extra time off for school, the boss will know..

Nuttynoo · 03/09/2017 17:12

Just to let you know in my last job a senior colleague complained about similar stuff about me. Said senior colleague was almost bullying me about it, but it was only when she became my manager that she realised exactly what was going on. She apologised but within a few days of her taking over I was looking for new jobs. She now blames me for leaving (I was the most experienced in what is a niche area and after I left the senior director decided to disband the entire team and she had to take a demotion).

Original poster
Abouttoblow · 03/09/2017 17:13

Wide Not once did I complain about when she takes her annual leave. It's none of my business. What I said was she will not have enough annual leave to cover all the things she MUST attend at school.

If I thought for a minute she had any problems or issues with her DC I would be 100% supportive but she doesn't want to use her own time to arrange appointments. That's the bottom line.

The 5 that have happened over the last 3 weeks have been:

Meeting a potential tenant for her rental property
Dentist for a polish
Being at her mum's for a washing machine being delivered (mum was also there)
Meeting with estate agent about rental property
Going along with her mum for mum's eye test

I've taken all your opinions on board and won't make a complaint. I'm just going to come home for an hour every day, do some housework, wash the car, get my nails done.

If you can't beat them.....Smile

OP posts:
Judydreamsofhorses · 03/09/2017 17:14

I have a colleague in a similar position - just months after she started in post, she was pregnant with her first child. She now has three children, and has gone from working full-time to two afternoons, and is frequently absent due to children's illness, school/nursery events etc. The rest of us sometimes have to pick up the slack, and it grates on me, but ultimately it's none of my business.

I don't have children, and my workplace bends over backwards - rightly - to accommodate parents, so sometimes it can be easy to feel a bit envious and hard done by when child-free staff get absolutely no flexibility. But that's just life - I can't imagine making a complaint.

53rdWay · 03/09/2017 17:20

I worked in a place where a colleague took the mickey like this (not kids, but same amount of out-of-office time in general). Managers knew and were reminded repeatedly but preferred to just wring their hands about it and sigh. Looking back, I wish I'd just seen it as a sign of how messed-up the place was and looked for a new job then.

JaneEyre70 · 03/09/2017 17:25

If it's not bothering her manager or anyone higher, then it really shouldn't be bothering you. I get why you feel it's unfair, but really just let it go and don't get stressed over it. I think you'll come out of it worse sadly.

Topseyt · 03/09/2017 17:26

It isn't your problem and nor is it really any of your business.

I am glad you are now holding back from making a formal complaint as you have no grounds for it. You have even admitted that her actions have no direct impact on you.

Do nothing. You would look like a jealous busybody, whatever your intentions. Is it really worth putting managers' backs up, gaining yourself that reputation and possibly jeopardising your own position too?

Saying that you virtually don't want to go into work tomorrow because of her behaviour is ridiculous and OTT. When you said that I thought that you were going to say that you were being bullied, but that isn't the case. You are over invested and being too dramatic.

blankface · 03/09/2017 17:27

"Meeting a potential tenant for her rental property
Dentist for a polish
Being at her mum's for a washing machine being delivered (mum was also there)
Meeting with estate agent about rental property
Going along with her mum for mum's eye test"

Does she ask for this time off and the boss okays it? Or does she just do it anyway?

Whichever, get everyone in the office to do the same, then when management have an attack of the vapours over it, you can all turn around and say 'Well, you let HER do it all the time, give examples, why can't we be treated the same, you have to treat us all the same, surely?"

rizlett · 03/09/2017 17:28

Great decision op - not to make a complaint - as what other people do has nothing to do with us.

What you could do though is work out why this behaviour affects you so much.

Is it because you feel you are missing out?

Andrewofgg · 03/09/2017 17:30

"I don't have children, and my workplace bends over backwards - rightly - to accommodate parents, so sometimes it can be easy to feel a bit envious and hard done by when child-free staff get absolutely no flexibility."

But that's how some - not all, perhaps not many - parents get away with taking the piss. If you have a medical appointment, don't book it for out of hours. Book it for in hours, tell your manager you are going, and somebody else must cover, as you do for others.

If your work involves evening shifts, don't agree to change so that someone can go to the nativity play. "Sorry, I'm off that evening, got something arranged, can't change now" and leave it at that.

The same with weekends. What you do at the weekend is as important to you as being with DC is to parents.

There is no pecking order for private lives!

Original poster
Abouttoblow · 03/09/2017 17:33

Topseyt Not at all ridiculous or TOT just thoroughly pissed off. But as a lot of you pointed out it's not my business so no grounds for a complaint
I'm going to do the same thing. Instead of having a work ethic and meeting my commitment to my employer I will not make up any time I take off.
Another load of tax payers money wasted.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/09/2017 17:34

Abouttoblow - I don't think anyone on here thinks you are being petty, but we're warning you off making a complaint because it will look to your managers as though you are being petty.

Glad to see you're not going to make the complaint, although it's certainly worth bringing it up with your boss again on the morale grounds!

EBearhug · 03/09/2017 17:46

I normally do my best to arrange medical appointments for beginning or end of the day, so there's as little impact as possible. But recently, I have had referrals for a couple of clinics which only run on particular days, and one only starts appointments at 09:30 (and isn't that close to either work or home,) and another wanted to get readings at a different time of day, but with the same specialist, and I have had very limited choice about these appointments, other than not attending at all, and I'd quite like to know if there are any problems which will need treatment (tempting as it is to refuse any more poking at my eyes.)

You are assuming she is arranging appointments entirely at her choosing, but that may not be the case.

If you were to complain, what would the complaint be? For example, if someone was misreporting time worked, that's breaking our code of conduct - but if you're not her manager, do you actually have proof of it? And if you have a valid complaint with proof, what would you want the outcome to be? Would upholding the complaint actually achieve that, or just cause bad feeling, and no constructive improvement? You need to be sure before stirring it all up.

Daydream007 · 03/09/2017 17:49

She is taking the P155 because her boss is weak and let's her away with it. She only works 2 days a week so she has plenty of time to go to appointments on the other 3 days she's off. This must rile the other people in your office.

Original poster
Abouttoblow · 03/09/2017 17:52

I have a doctor's appointment arranged this week which I would usually start early/finish late to cover the time. I won't do that this week and see what happens. If I'm pulled up AISBU?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 03/09/2017 17:57

You can start slacking off if you want op, totally your call. I'm sure " but she does it too" will work in your favour in performance reviews.

Why is this impacting you so much op? Why are you so obsessed with this woman and her work ethic? Are you envious of her for some reason? What's driving you?

Original poster
Abouttoblow · 03/09/2017 17:59

EBearhug We don't need to cover clinic/hospital appointments as we have little control over the timings of these. My issue here is about choosing to make personal appointments on working days. I understand that doc/dentist may not always be able to accommodate but It's EVERY time.

I get it! I'm not her boss but I'm just surprised that everyone here that thinks I'm being unreasonable wouldn't mind a colleague constantly taking the piss and would just let it go.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 03/09/2017 18:01

No op, what people are saying is if it didn't impact them they would not get involved or so emotionally invested they didn't even want to go to work and let it impact their own performance, it's weird. Is it envy?

Original poster
Abouttoblow · 03/09/2017 18:08

Bluntness100 There is only one reason this bothers me. No jealousy, no envy, no obsession.
The simple fact is we are paid by the tax payer to do a job. She's being paid for a job she does not do for the 16 hours she is paid.
That's it.
No issue with her personally, she's very nice. No issue with the fact she has young children and might require some flexibility on occasion.

OP posts:
certainlynotsusan · 03/09/2017 18:13

Do you know that she isn't doing her 16 hours? That she isn't doing anything to compensate for the time taken from being in the office?

Have you ever tried to see the doctor with preschool twins in tow?

You're not her boss, it's not your business. If her boss is kind enough to turn a blind eye or accommodate her then that's great for her.