Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make an official complaint about colleague?

792 replies

Abouttoblow · 03/09/2017 15:12

I'm really don't want to go to work tomorrow as I've had enough of selfish workmate.
I really love my work. I've been in this job for 10 years, find it fulfilling, great terms and conditions but if things carry on I will go mad.
Colleague had twins 5 years ago and returned to work 2 days a week. Since she had her DC she seems to think that they take priority over her job - even when she is at work. Her DM and SIL take care of them so I would assume they are reliable and trustworthy but she rings them every half hour to check on things. Every half hour WITHOUT FAIL. She will even excuse herself from meetings.
My main issue though is that every appointment she has, doctor, dentist etc she arranges on the days she is at work. We have flexible working to accommodate for this, more so for full time staff who work every day, so we take shorter breaks or start early/finish late to make up the time but she doesn't bother. She just goes off for an hour or so at a time and that's it. This has been going on for years and I've spoken to my boss but nothing is ever addressed with her.
Anyway, her DC start school soon and she came in last week with a list of things she just MUST attend at school - prize givings, parents in-school days, assemblies and I know if they're on either of her 2 working days she will just go.
She won't have holiday leave to cover this as she is off for most of the summer and I'm sure she will want half term etc now too.
I've just had enough and it makes me so angry that she thinks this is acceptable.
AIBU to make an official complaint to Personnel?

OP posts:
WhoresDoeuvres · 03/09/2017 18:16

Do you have access to her payslip? She might be taking the time off unpaid and I don't know how you'd know one way or another..

Bluntness100 · 03/09/2017 18:16

Ok op. You have such a well developed sense of altruism towards the tax payer you don't want to go to work due to her piss taking and wish to complain about her formally and now wish to do the same.

That's really very noble of you but I'd let her managers deal with it, they will know the quality of her work and what she gets done.

certainlynotsusan · 03/09/2017 18:18

I have preschool age twins (and another preschool age child), and if I need to book a doctor's appointment and actually talk to them about something then I book it on a working day. Simply because it's not possible to talk to a doctor/have a dental appointment without them getting bored and messing about when they're younger and then hearing something they shouldn't when they're older.

I have been told off by my boss for taking annual leave for my medical appointments as we are permitted to have them in work time. Besides, the kids end up with plenty of appointments that I do need to take annual leave for.

What my colleagues won't see when I slope out of the office to go to a nursery graduation ceremony or a carol concert is that for maybe a week or two before I'll have been taking a bit of work home every day to do at home to make up the time. Or, I'll be sat at my desk on a Saturday when no one else is in the office. My conscience is clear, my boss is okay with me. My colleagues can think what they like!

milliemolliemou · 03/09/2017 18:22

To other PPs - I don't think it's envy.

And it is bad for everyone's morale - even if the absenteeism doesn't impact directly on them - when they work hard and arrange appointments in their spare time (or take leave for DC events) to find there's someone on the loose arranging everything on the 2 days she's working. On top of which she appears to have a flat to rent out and a mum and DSis on hand to help (whom she phones every half hour).

If it's a small to medium size firm there may not be an HR on site if at all (contracted out?).

I agree OP should suck it up and try to ignore it. I think she - and the rest of the people she works with - are right to feel disgusted with the behaviour. Would it be acceptable in a teacher/doctor/nurse/carer or anyone whose job impacts the public?

I'm somewhat surprised there's a firm out there who can afford coasters.

GreenTulips · 03/09/2017 18:23

I don't think anyone on here thinks you are being petty, but we're warning you off making a complaint because it will look to your managers as though you are being petty.

Are managers a different breed then?

CauliflowerSqueeze · 03/09/2017 18:24

I don't think you're being unreasonable. It's an utter piss take. I'll come with you!

woollychimp · 03/09/2017 18:27

As much as it's annoying it's for your managers to sort out.

GreenTulips · 03/09/2017 18:27

Yes OP - can you drop by mine next Thursday at 10.30 and pick up my dry cleaning please?

Original poster
Abouttoblow · 03/09/2017 18:28

Really Bluntness100 ? I didn't say I'm not going to work tomorrow, I said I didn't want to.

Just to clarify, this is all very simple.

All personal stuff arranged on her 2 working days, no time taken unpaid, no additional things to make up. 6 days of work over the past 3 weeks and a personal appointment on 5 of them. This is not unusual.

But I get it, I'm unreasonable for letting this bother me.

Any posters who have vacancies in the companies they work in where this is OK and nobody minds please let me know. I fancy a change and a chance to put my feet up a bit Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Abouttoblow · 03/09/2017 18:36

No problem Green I'm sure they won't miss me for a couple of hours and I hope no one will mind Smile

OP posts:
Mittens1969 · 03/09/2017 18:37

Sounds like you have flexi time, am I right? My DH works for the Council and also has that. We've had a lot of appointments to take our DD1 to for her eyesight and her hearing, which we have to juggle with picking DD2 up from school. We've also had meetings with the school and social services about her behavioural issues. This has led to him needing flexi time and occasional special leave. These appointments can't be arranged to fit in around working hours either.

It might look to his colleagues as though he's getting special treatment, but he always makes up the time eventually. He's even done it at home sometimes. He's also a manager and has to approve other people's time sheets.

My point is, you don't know what's going on really as you're not managing this colleague and she won't be confiding in you.

And now the twins are starting school things may well change dramatically as she won't be calling all the time.

Original poster
Abouttoblow · 03/09/2017 18:40

Certainly I can relate to every point in your post. That is exactly what I did when my DC were small and what my colleagues who have DC now do, except one. If you saw my post about the last 5 appointments they had nothing to do with DC.

My point is not specifically needing time off. It's about choosing to do it on her 2 working days and not making the time up.

OP posts:
Ktown · 03/09/2017 18:44

This is the sort of person who make working mums look bad and give them a reputation for piss taking.
If you are in a civil servant role she will be able to take the mockery indefinitely.

Original poster
Abouttoblow · 03/09/2017 18:48

Mittens Yes we have flexi and that's how it should work and dies for everyone else. And of course there are things that you have no control over.
That's not what this has ever been about.
If We have to leave for something personal we flexi off and then back on when we return. She does not therefore doesn't have to repay that time.
I genuinely do not think that leaving for an hour and a half to be there with your mum when she's having a washing machine delivered "Just to make sure everything is OK" is acceptable, when you're not paying the time back.
I would never have any issue with someone having to leave for DCs or anything like that.

OP posts:
JemmyBloocher · 03/09/2017 18:58

It has nothing to do with whether to affects the OP directly; the fact is it is demotivating and incredibly bad for morale. Please mention it to your line manager and see what can be done. YANBU.

Amatree · 03/09/2017 19:03

Fully understand your annoyance op, I feel similar about a colleague of mine. I'm a working parent but I still feel the same as pp who said that there is no pecking order to private lives. My decision to have children is (from a professional position) no different to someone else's decision to take up skydiving and I don't expect my employer to provide me with flexibility that isn't given to others for non-child related reasons. It annoys me no end when people come back to work because 'they can't afford not to' but then prioritise their personal life and other work colleagues are expected to pick up the slack because, you know, 'it's the children'. Salary payments have to be fairly earned, same as pre-kids, and aren't a benefit to be automatically paid to those who feel they can't afford not to have it!

I'm surprised you're getting such a hard time op and can't help wondering if this is hitting a bit too close to the bone to some parents on here who might not like to think about their own behaviour in the workplace...!

YellowFlower201 · 03/09/2017 19:07

I can see how this is irritating but would stay well clear. By complaining you're telling your manager what to do. Never a good idea. For all you know there's a plan in place to get rid off her or there's a private reason why this is happening.
Just concentrate on your own job.

Mittens1969 · 03/09/2017 19:10

That use of flexi is completely wrong, agreed. I'll have a chat with my DH and see what he makes of that use of flexi time, as a manager. Seems like a management issue.

Original poster
Abouttoblow · 03/09/2017 19:11

Happy as I said there is no arrangement. She just doesn't flexi off/on when she leaves for personal appointments. Someone (not me) mentioned it one day when she had been gone for nearly an hour to take her husband his wedding ring (he'd gone to work without it) and she said "oh yes I must remember to do that" and doesn't.

OP posts:
Alittlepotofrosie · 03/09/2017 19:13

Have to say you do sound very jealous despite your protestation that you're not and that you only care because the tax payer is being screwed over. And your response is to petulantly say you'll do the same, thereby costing the tax payer money. You can't have it both ways. You either care passionately about the taxpayers getting their money's worth or you don't. It really really is none of your business.

Original poster
Abouttoblow · 03/09/2017 19:14

Mittens she doesn't even use the flexi though. She doesn't clock out, she just goes

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 03/09/2017 19:15

The trouble is I / we don't think your BUF, just we are worried it could rebound on you, if she is good at playing the victim.
Someone like that will make you out to be a bully, and it could be you turned into the nasty person for even mentioning it.
Your not her boss, so he/she may not like you pulling them up on not managing their own staff, and as your not on a similar level as them, make things difficult for you...
So it's more a case of keep the peace and let her boss deal with it as they see fit....

GreenTulips · 03/09/2017 19:16

Have to say you do sound very jealous

How would you feel in someone was being paid to do a job but wasn't there to actually do the job?

Of coarse she's unhappy - this woman is effectively stealing from the company she works for - she's stealing time and wages - it doesn't matter who from it's theft - it's dishonest and it should be reported

Weebo · 03/09/2017 19:16

You sound fixated. Something like this really shouldn't be upsetting you so much.

Just focus on your own life and let your bosses handle it.

I wouldn't go out of my way to change how you work just to make a point either. If it all came to a head and your response is 'Well so and so does it!' you will look terribly petulant.

Original poster
Abouttoblow · 03/09/2017 19:20

Alittle So if it's so unreasonable to let this bother me what's the solution?

Believe me, I've never been jealous of anyone being bone idle and dishonest.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread